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Discussing Bachelorette Party

Hi all, 

Thanks to my time here at TK, I've learned very clearly that brides planning their own pre-wedding parties are a big no-no, and understandably. But to what extent, if plans are forming, should the bride-to-be discuss plans with her bridesmaids? I may not have a bachelorette party at all, which I am okay with, since my BMs are all long-distance. Would I be a bit bummed? Sure, if I'm being honest. But I know that's not any reason to impose on them or to get entitled. And any let down is mostly because I miss them all like crazy since we all live far apart now, and would love to get some personal time to spend with them before the wedding day itself. If it isn't going to work to coordinate schedules before the wedding, I can still certainly visit and spend time with them at a later date, married or not. So I am happy to go with whatever works for my friends. 

There have been two plans proposed by the girls. One idea was to have an overnight party at a local city sometime this spring. I'm less inclined to this, because I think it will inconvenience the girls more both time and money-wise. They have already agreed to making a trip to be out for the wedding, so to put any pressure on them to do another trip like this seems like a lot. I know I would not be able to afford something like that for one of them, even though I love them a lot and would feel bad. 

The other plan was to try to get everybody together the Thursday night before our Saturday wedding, and just go to a nice dinner and then bar-hopping in my hometown (college town) and then crash at my house. Some girls still may not be able to make this work, if the can't get time off from their jobs, but at least those that could make it would only have to make one trip, and not have any hotel expenses, either. 

MOH bounced both plans off me a few months ago, and floated them out to the girls on a message group we all are in. But I haven't heard anything since. While talking on the phone with one of the BMs recently, she asked what was going on, and whether she should needed to book any plane flights, and I didn't know. I just told her that whatever happened, she would of course not be required to attend, and I would understand if she could not make it due to distance and/or expense. 

Should I reach out to MOH to figure out what the plans are? Or would that be wrong? If I do reach out to her, how do I ask without coming off the wrong way like I expect anything?

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Re: Discussing Bachelorette Party

  • If MOH is the one who offered to host, or is the one who initiated planning, I would direct your BM to the MOH and let them figure out.

    As far as plans go, the farthest the bride should go is either to say, "I definitely don't want to do X" and if asked, can give ideas on what she would like, but keep it general "I would love something local, like dinner and bar hopping", for example. 
  • Perfect. Thanks, @SP29

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