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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie1426871508
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Bridesmaid dropped out...8 months to go
I have a total of 5 bridesmaids (my fiance didn't want anything bigger than that). One of my bridesmaids/very close friend recently found out she is pregnant and is due 10 days before my wedding. She will not be able to be in the wedding or attend.
One of my very good friends from 6th grade would have been my 6th bridesmaid (if I could have had one). I was not a bridesmaid at her wedding, but was there throughout all the pre-event activities and day of. I felt really awful that she wasn't in the bridal party and wanted to include her in pre-event activities like she did with me.
Would it be rude to ask her to be bridesmaid now? We just started looking at dresses but nothing has been decided on. How do I ask her without making her feel like the 6th wheel?
One of my very good friends from 6th grade would have been my 6th bridesmaid (if I could have had one). I was not a bridesmaid at her wedding, but was there throughout all the pre-event activities and day of. I felt really awful that she wasn't in the bridal party and wanted to include her in pre-event activities like she did with me.
Would it be rude to ask her to be bridesmaid now? We just started looking at dresses but nothing has been decided on. How do I ask her without making her feel like the 6th wheel?
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Re: Bridesmaid dropped out...8 months to go
Include your friend in the pre-wedding events, etc. the same way she included you. Just because she's not officially in your bridal party doesn't mean you guys can't enjoy this time together.
Asking her now would make it really obvious that she is a back up space filler and would be really hurtful.
Your bridal party are not props or employees, you do not need to have a second string or replacements on hand.
Just a note for lurkers.
Why could you not have 6? Is your fiance the great and powerful overlord of wedding party numbers that you are legally required to follow and has complete jurisdiction on the approval of number of friends you are "allowed" to have?
It would be incredibly rude and hurtful to ask her now. No one likes to be the second choice. How would you feel if when you first met your fi, he first asked out your friend in front of you, and when she said no, he in turn asked you. You would be pretty offended.
Bridesmaids are your closest friends. No where does it say that you have to have matching sides. You sealed this fate when you decided that your fiance dictating the number of BMs was more important than having your true closest friends up there.
Frankly, you CHOSE an arbitrary number over someone you really wanted up there. You could have had 6 but you decided not to. Own it. That is a really rubbish friend action to only exclude a friend due to "matching numbers". You feel awful because you know this was stupid and now it is back to bite you in the arse.
This is a life lesson on why it is important to talk with your fi, compromise and learn to live with those decisions.
Also, your bridal party members are not props. You can have whatever number you want. You could have asked her in the beginning, but that ship has sailed.
It reminds me of when soccer was full, so my kid was wait listed. Then another kid moved and he got that spot. How long before brides start drawing up a list for the WP, and then a wait list so they have understudies waiting in the wings if any of their original BP are unable to fulfill their "duties?"
I do find the comment about your FI odd. It's your bridal party, why is he limiting the amount of bridesmaids you have? I get that it's his wedding too, but YOU choose who you want to stand beside you.
"You're asking me because she dropped out?"
"Yea. I mean, if she could still attend, I totally wouldn't have asked you, but since she's out..."
"Really?"
*queue the waning of a friendship and distancing*
This is about the only possible way to provide your friend the honor you would have given her as a BM if you had asked in the beginning. I would still include her in all of the events (Shower and Bach Party) but please don't demand any of your friends to do something they don't want to.
As a side note, I feel that an usher is more of a job then a way of honoring someone...if you want to honor someone at your wedding they are either in BP, a reader, or a guest.
Your WP is your nearest and dearest and there is no special number of how many you can or cannot have. Thus, if this friend is so important to you, she should have been asked from the get go. She should not be asked because someone else stepped out.
Asking her now makes both her and your other friend who had to step down look like props, even if that's not what you intended.
Let it be (unless you would ask her to complete a reading during your ceremony), and you can still event her to any pre-wedding events you wish.
That said, yes, it's too late to ask anyone else to be in your wedding party. The time to have done that was when you asked everyone else. If you ask this other person, she may feel like you B-listed her, and it's always rude to make someone else feel B-listed or that they are receiving a consolation prize.
So I'd let it be unless you plan to ask her to be a reader.
But if it's been more than a couple of weeks since you asked your other attendants, it might be too late.