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Bridesmaid dropped out...8 months to go

Knottie1426871508Knottie1426871508 member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have a total of 5 bridesmaids (my fiance didn't want anything bigger than that).  One of my bridesmaids/very close friend recently found out she is pregnant and is due 10 days before my wedding.  She will not be able to be in the wedding or attend.  

One of my very good friends from 6th grade would have been my 6th bridesmaid (if I could have had one).  I was not a bridesmaid at her wedding, but was there throughout all the pre-event activities and day of.  I felt really awful that she wasn't in the bridal party and wanted to include her in pre-event activities like she did with me.  

Would it be rude to ask her to be bridesmaid now?  We just started looking at dresses but nothing has been decided on.  How do I ask her without making her feel like the 6th wheel?


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Re: Bridesmaid dropped out...8 months to go

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Knottie1426871508 said:
    I have a total of 5 bridesmaids (my fiance didn't want anything bigger than that).  One of my bridesmaids/very close friend recently found out she is pregnant and is due 10 days before my wedding.  She will not be able to be in the wedding or attend.  

    One of my very good friends from 6th grade would have been my 6th bridesmaid (if I could have had one).  I was not a bridesmaid at her wedding, but was there throughout all the pre-event activities and day of.  I felt really awful that she wasn't in the bridal party and wanted to include her in pre-event activities like she did with me.  

    Would it be rude to ask her to be bridesmaid now?  We just started looking at dresses but nothing has been decided on.  How do I ask her without making her feel like the 6th wheel?


    You don't.



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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Leave it alone. If you'd really wanted her, you would have asked her in the first place.

    Asking her now would make it really obvious that she is a back up space filler and would be really hurtful. 
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    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
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    Knottie1426871508 said:
    I have a total of 5 bridesmaids (my fiance didn't want anything bigger than that).  One of my bridesmaids/very close friend recently found out she is pregnant and is due 10 days before my wedding.  She will not be able to be in the wedding or attend.  

    One of my very good friends from 6th grade would have been my 6th bridesmaid (if I could have had one).  I was not a bridesmaid at her wedding, but was there throughout all the pre-event activities and day of.  I felt really awful that she wasn't in the bridal party and wanted to include her in pre-event activities like she did with me.  

    Would it be rude to ask her to be bridesmaid now?  We just started looking at dresses but nothing has been decided on.  How do I ask her without making her feel like the 6th wheel?


    I'm not understanding why you couldn't have 6 bridesmaids. Your FI shouldn't have a say in your bridal party just as you shouldn't have a say in his. If it's for "even sides", you know that's not a thing right? 

    Your bridal party are not props or employees, you do not need to have a second string or replacements on hand. 

    Just a note for lurkers.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Yes, it would be incredibly rude to ask now. 

    Also, your bridal party members are not props. You can have whatever number you want. You could have asked her in the beginning, but that ship has sailed. 
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    pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
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    Don't ask now, it will seem like a pity invite. 

    I do find the comment about your FI odd. It's your bridal party, why is he limiting the amount of bridesmaids you have? I get that it's his wedding too, but YOU choose who you want to stand beside you. 
                                 Anniversary
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    tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
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    When I picked my bridal party, FI had 5 GMs, and I picked 6 BMs. My mom told me she thought 6 was way too many already and that I had to cap it there, so I declined from inviting a 7th friend (looking back on it now, I realize this was dumb, but I had zero wedding sense, and let my parents pressure me). I felt rather bad about it later, but I have ended up asking that friend to be a reader, so she still will have an honored role in the ceremony. Can you give your other friend a role like a reader or an usher? 
                        


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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    Include her in pre-wedding stuff like you got to do for hers, but don't ask her to be a BM now as it will be obvious she's "only a replacement."
    ________________________________


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    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    tigerlily6 said:
    When I picked my bridal party, FI had 5 GMs, and I picked 6 BMs. My mom told me she thought 6 was way too many already and that I had to cap it there, so I declined from inviting a 7th friend (looking back on it now, I realize this was dumb, but I had zero wedding sense, and let my parents pressure me). I felt rather bad about it later, but I have ended up asking that friend to be a reader, so she still will have an honored role in the ceremony. Can you give your other friend a role like a reader or an usher? 

    This is about the only possible way to provide your friend the honor you would have given her as a BM if you had asked in the beginning.  I would still include her in all of the events (Shower and Bach Party) but please don't demand any of your friends to do something they don't want to.

    As a side note, I feel that an usher is more of a job then a way of honoring someone...if you want to honor someone at your wedding they are either in BP, a reader, or a guest.

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    tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
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    @cowgirl8238, I agree after reading your post. An usher may not be the best position of honor. But I certainly think a reader can be. And yes, if this is not possible, OP, just be a good hostess and take some time during the reception to say hi to your friend.
                        


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    SP29SP29 member
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    I think it would be inappropriate to ask this "6th" friend now to be part of your WP.

    Your WP is your nearest and dearest and there is no special number of how many you can or cannot have. Thus, if this friend is so important to you, she should have been asked from the get go. She should not be asked because someone else stepped out. 

    Asking her now makes both her and your other friend who had to step down look like props, even if that's not what you intended.

    Let it be (unless you would ask her to complete a reading during your ceremony), and you can still event her to any pre-wedding events you wish. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Sides don't have to be even, and your FI should have had no say in how many attendants, or whom, you pick, just as you should have no say in how many attendants or whom he picks.

    That said, yes, it's too late to ask anyone else to be in your wedding party.  The time to have done that was when you asked everyone else.  If you ask this other person, she may feel like you B-listed her, and it's always rude to make someone else feel B-listed or that they are receiving a consolation prize.

    So I'd let it be unless you plan to ask her to be a reader.
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    Why the hell is your FI dictating who is on your side?  Who is he/she to determine your nearest and dearest?  Even sides aren't a thing.  You can't ask a "second string" bridesmaid, because it's rude.  And if that came off harsh, think about how that woman will feel.  "You weren't good enough to make the first cut, but now that a spots open, it's all yours!" 

    Yeah, no.  


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    LtPowersLtPowers member
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    If it's early enough in the process, you could probably pass off the invitation as a realization that you've made a horrible mistake in not including her. It would require you to dance right on the edge of going overboard in expressing your regret and your eagerness to include her.

    But if it's been more than a couple of weeks since you asked your other attendants, it might be too late.
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    LtPowers said:
    If it's early enough in the process, you could probably pass off the invitation as a realization that you've made a horrible mistake in not including her. It would require you to dance right on the edge of going overboard in expressing your regret and your eagerness to include her.

    But if it's been more than a couple of weeks since you asked your other attendants, it might be too late.
    No.  It is too late to ask.    


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