Hi all,
I'm having a semi-destination wedding (I guess? We're getting married where we live, and where his friends and family are, but my friends and family are from another country) in the UK this spring. We aren't having a rehearsal, so no rehearsal dinner. Regardless, I've always heard the right thing to do is to host dinner the night before the wedding for any out of town guests, but that puts us at at least 2/3 of the guests, which we can't afford (we had a very nice cushion in our budget but then life happened and now money is very tight - we can still pay for what we'd planned, but can't budget in any extras).
We were thinking of going out to dinner the night before with just our immediate families, and letting people know that we'll be hanging out in our hotel bar afterwards if anyone wants to come by to say hello.
Is this a good idea?
What's the best way to let people know? Can we just put a note on the website?
Are we obligated to pay?
We want it to be very informal - literally just a "hey, if you want to say hi here's where we'll be!" sort of thing, especially giving us a chance to catch up with out of towners, since many of them will be leaving early on Sunday.
Re: Etiquette around pre-wedding drinks
Second bolded. Perfectly fine. I would spread this via word of mouth. If you put it in writing, especially in your invite suite, it will make it look like you are hosting which means you will have to pay. So tell a few of your VIP guests and tell them to mention this in a very casual way whenever they talk to other OOT guests.
I think your plans sound just fine. RDs are never required. While wedding couples often invite OOT guests to RDs or out to dinner the night before, it is not at all expected or required, etiquette-wise. And there are a lot of wedding couples who don't.
I wouldn't put the part about hanging out at the hotel bar on the wedding website and definitely not in invitations, because that could give the impression you are hosting that portion. But letting people know via word of mouth, just like you described, is perfect.
As an aside, I wouldn't classify your wedding as a destination wedding at all. It's just unfortunate that a large portion of the guest list lives far away. To me, a destination wedding is when a couple is getting married somewhere that is both not where they live or where their entire guest list lives. To borrow your phrase, I'd call a "semi-destination" wedding one where everyone has to travel somewhere else...but it is within a 3-4 hour drive. Like getting married on a beach in the Bahamas versus driving a few hours to a mountain resort.
If the couple lives in NYC and decides to get married in Tahiti, and I live in Dallas and I decide to travel to Tahiti to attend wedding- destination wedding.
If the couple lives in London and decides to get married in London, and I live in Dallas and decide to travel to London to attend the wedding- destination wedding.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."