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Non-Catholic Wedding Party

tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Catholic Weddings
Hi all,

FI and I were cradle Catholics who fell away after we left home, met each other, dated for many years, and then over the past 13 months have really started finding ourselves returning fully into the Church (which encouraged our engagement!). It has been great and we feel so happy and blessed to be able to start our marriage with a shared foundation of our faith!

When we asked friends and family to be in our wedding parties, some of our dear friends are not Catholic (or practicing Catholics, at least), or even belonging to any religion. We will be having a full Nuptial Mass for our wedding. Several of them have never been to a Mass before, and I have had to explain that the ceremony is not the popularized 10-20 minute deal. They are all excited and supportive of us, however. 

I intend to gently explain during our rehearsal that they ought not to receive the Eucharist unless they are a practicing Catholic in good standing with the Church but can still participate during Communion by receiving a blessing (and I believe our priest will announce this also before Communion).

Wondering, however, if there are any other things recommended that I counsel them on. I know a few of my bridesmaids are a bit nervous at the prospect of when to sit, kneel, etc. Thankfully my MOH was raised Catholic and so she can help give them some cues to them. 
                    


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Re: Non-Catholic Wedding Party

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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Our Priest took care of going over all of those details with them, and if you ask during your Pre-cana how they do it in the parish, your mind will likely be put at ease.  If anything, a good way to do this is if you've got a lot of non-Catholics, you could make programs detailed with when to sit/stand/kneel.  The BP gets a little tricky in that sometimes they're standing when everyone else is sitting (i.e. during the Vows) - but that's not always the case.

    Start with talking with your priest. 

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    monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Agree with the above about having a good detailed program.  My bridesmaids weren't Catholic either.  But they also already knew to abstain from the Eucharist, fortunately.  

    Other than knowing when to sit/stand/kneel, and what to do about communion, there's no other real differences.

    In case you haven't though, you should think about who is doing the readings and bringing the gifts.  The former could be any christian (or even a jewish person for the old testament), while the latter really should be a Catholic person.  

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    tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2016
    I think we have the readings covered by a good friend of mine and FI's uncle, both Catholic. Both my confirmation sponsor and my CCD teacher for my first communion are both dear friends of my family -- like adopted aunts. They both live in Washington state where I grew up, but have communicated that they are hoping to travel together to Indiana for our wedding, which touches me deeply. If they can make it, I was thinking I would like to honor them in the ceremony by asking if they would like to bring the gifts. It would be cool to have them involved in another big sacrament in my life!
                        


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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I wrote up a pretty detailed program for mine with the order of Mass and the instructions for what to do at each part included - it ended up being a trifold on 8.5x14 paper (easily uploadable/printable via something like Vistaprint) and my last two friends to get married have "borrowed" the template. If you want me to send it to you, PM me.

    95% of our guest list was Catholic, but I didn't want the few who weren't to be uncomfortable.
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    scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Do you have any guests who aren't Catholic, but are used to going to Mass?  It might be a more unusual situation, but my father is Jewish but went to church with us a lot when we were growing up.  On top of our program and answering questions, I told my friends that when in doubt, do whatever my dad does.
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    tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Our guest list is a little over half Catholic, so most of them will know what to do or hopefully be able to see somebody who does and follow along. My MOH grew up Catholic, but no longer practices the faith, but she knows how Mass goes. My FSIL, who is a BM, is Catholic, so she might be able to help also. 2 of the other BMs are Protestant (one of them has Catholic relatives tho, so she has been to Masses a few times), and 2 grew up in homes that never went to any church. I think it's the comfort of the last two that I am most concerned about since they will really be out of their element a bit. I will look into getting a program, since I think that would probably help a lot. @flantastic, thank you for your offer -- I may take you up on it!

    Somewhat ironically, all of FI's GMs should be fine. I don't think most of them are practicing, but all of them grew up Catholic and/or went to Catholic schools growing up, so I think they should be fairly comfortable with how everything works. 
                        


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    drmarinerdrmariner member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    It's so nice that you are thinking of the comfort of your BMs. My first (only) Catholic wedding my (now ex) boyfriend's stepsister. He didn't mention the length of the ceremony, mass, Eucharist, nothing. Luckily I knew to abstain from the Eucharist but I did so in a way that was not what the bride and groom had envisioned. Even though we had been dating five years he stepmother, who did most of the planning, didn't realize I wasn't Catholic and somehow it never came up with the stepsister.

    FYI, I left my seat but stood a few feet back in the center aisle as the row emptied, then retook my seat. When the guests in my row returned, I exited the row to the exterior aisle, and simply retook my place with returning guests. But since we were sitting with the family I guess this was more obvious and I later found out that the bride and groom would have preferred I approach with all the other guests and simply abstain once I reached the priest.) he point is, I felt really awkward both during and after and I didn't know the wishes of the couple. 

    I think ink most people know not to take the Eucharist but it can't hurt to be explicit. If there is a chance for confusion tell them how to opt out too. Also I think just talking to your BMs, telling them generally about the ceremony and giving them an opportunity to ask questions will make them feel much more at ease. Also talk to the priest  I'll bet he has encountered this before and can let you know common points of confusion. Plus then he is aware of the mixed religion party and can always give them cues if necessary. Good luck! 
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I did the same thing at my daughter's wedding. She is Catholic but no one else is in our family. I told her a head of time that I would not be going forward (I never do when we attend mass with them). I have my reasons for doing this. The B & G shouldn't have said anything to you about it. I have seen this done at many masses over the years. FWIT when guests asked me what to do, I said it was up to them. They could either go forward and receive a blessing (this is what the priest said) or stay in their pew.
    It's so nice that you are thinking of the comfort of your BMs. My first (only) Catholic wedding my (now ex) boyfriend's stepsister. He didn't mention the length of the ceremony, mass, Eucharist, nothing. Luckily I knew to abstain from the Eucharist but I did so in a way that was not what the bride and groom had envisioned. Even though we had been dating five years he stepmother, who did most of the planning, didn't realize I wasn't Catholic and somehow it never came up with the stepsister.

    FYI, I left my seat but stood a few feet back in the center aisle as the row emptied, then retook my seat. When the guests in my row returned, I exited the row to the exterior aisle, and simply retook my place with returning guests. But since we were sitting with the family I guess this was more obvious and I later found out that the bride and groom would have preferred I approach with all the other guests and simply abstain once I reached the priest.) he point is, I felt really awkward both during and after and I didn't know the wishes of the couple. 

    I think ink most people know not to take the Eucharist but it can't hurt to be explicit. If there is a chance for confusion tell them how to opt out too. Also I think just talking to your BMs, telling them generally about the ceremony and giving them an opportunity to ask questions will make them feel much more at ease. Also talk to the priest  I'll bet he has encountered this before and can let you know common points of confusion. Plus then he is aware of the mixed religion party and can always give them cues if necessary. Good luck! 

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    Knottied92c6a8910ce3ab1Knottied92c6a8910ce3ab1 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2017
    drmariner said:
    It's so nice that you are thinking of the comfort of your BMs. My first (only) Catholic wedding my (now ex) boyfriend's stepsister. He didn't mention the length of the ceremony, mass, Eucharist, nothing. Luckily I knew to abstain from the Eucharist but I did so in a way that was not what the bride and groom had envisioned. Even though we had been dating five years he stepmother, who did most of the planning, didn't realize I wasn't Catholic and somehow it never came up with the stepsister.

    FYI, I left my seat but stood a few feet back in the center aisle as the row emptied, then retook my seat. When the guests in my row returned, I exited the row to the exterior aisle, and simply retook my place with returning guests. But since we were sitting with the family I guess this was more obvious and I later found out that the bride and groom would have preferred I approach with all the other guests and simply abstain once I reached the priest.) he point is, I felt really awkward both during and after and I didn't know the wishes of the couple. 

    I think ink most people know not to take the Eucharist but it can't hurt to be explicit. If there is a chance for confusion tell them how to opt out too. Also I think just talking to your BMs, telling them generally about the ceremony and giving them an opportunity to ask questions will make them feel much more at ease. Also talk to the priest  I'll bet he has encountered this before and can let you know common points of confusion. Plus then he is aware of the mixed religion party and can always give them cues if necessary. Good luck! 

    I'm in the exact same boat this summer.  My BIL asked all 4 of his brothers and sisters plus their SO's to be in their wedding party.  I'm the only non-Catholic in the whole family (including extended) and already worry about how awkward communion is going to be.  I've gone back and forth on declining being in the wedding party because I'm going to stick out like such a sore thumb.
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