Guests with children

Re: Guests with children

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  Heffalump member

  

  February 2016

  Knottie1452126447 said:

  My fiance and I got engaged in December and are looking to get married sometime late summer/early fall. We live in NY City and had been considering a city venue because it's convenient to most of our guests. We are also considering a venue less than 2 hours from NY which would require guests to stay overnight. 
  
  I'm torn about this because my fiance and I do feel like our wedding is about us but also our friends and family that have supported us through the years, etc. We don't have a registry and I'm not having a bridal shower so really the only cost to local guests is an overnight stay and whatever gift they'd like to provide. I feel bad because I'm the last of my mom's friend's daughters to get married; some have newborns, toddlers, are pregnant again, have two kids and would be coming to the wedding with their parents and other close friends (aka their usual babysitters). I did the whole travel thing for their weddings but recognize it's different if you have children. 
  
  The venue we're considering is a beautiful house with rooms upstairs so I don't mind the children coming and being cared for by a nanny or someone upstairs; I don't mind kids coming to the wedding either. I'm just feeling bad about inconveniencing people.
  
  I'm sure people have dealt with this before; how can I ease the travel for them? Provide a bus to and from so people don't have to drive? Provide a sitter during the wedding?

  I think you're being very kind.  Honestly, by the time you've had the kid a few months, you know what you're in for, in terms of travel.  Word of mouth is great way to let your friends know that their kids are welcome if they choose to bring them, and that can kick off a discussion of the specifics of your venue:  the rooms, etc.  Accept gracefully if they choose to decline, and understand why.  It's okay to feel disappointed, obviously, but that's life--people may decline for all sorts of reasons, and yet you'll still have a beautiful day and end up married.
  
  I'm not a fan of random babysitters hired by the B&G.  Not because I think they're bad people, just that it's easier when your kids and the caregiver know each other.  So that particular detail wouldn't sway me.
  

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  banana468 member

  

  February 2016

  Heffalump said:

  Knottie1452126447 said:

  My fiance and I got engaged in December and are looking to get married sometime late summer/early fall. We live in NY City and had been considering a city venue because it's convenient to most of our guests. We are also considering a venue less than 2 hours from NY which would require guests to stay overnight. 
  
  I'm torn about this because my fiance and I do feel like our wedding is about us but also our friends and family that have supported us through the years, etc. We don't have a registry and I'm not having a bridal shower so really the only cost to local guests is an overnight stay and whatever gift they'd like to provide. I feel bad because I'm the last of my mom's friend's daughters to get married; some have newborns, toddlers, are pregnant again, have two kids and would be coming to the wedding with their parents and other close friends (aka their usual babysitters). I did the whole travel thing for their weddings but recognize it's different if you have children. 
  
  The venue we're considering is a beautiful house with rooms upstairs so I don't mind the children coming and being cared for by a nanny or someone upstairs; I don't mind kids coming to the wedding either. I'm just feeling bad about inconveniencing people.
  
  I'm sure people have dealt with this before; how can I ease the travel for them? Provide a bus to and from so people don't have to drive? Provide a sitter during the wedding?

  I think you're being very kind.  Honestly, by the time you've had the kid a few months, you know what you're in for, in terms of travel.  Word of mouth is great way to let your friends know that their kids are welcome if they choose to bring them, and that can kick off a discussion of the specifics of your venue:  the rooms, etc.  Accept gracefully if they choose to decline, and understand why.  It's okay to feel disappointed, obviously, but that's life--people may decline for all sorts of reasons, and yet you'll still have a beautiful day and end up married.
  
  I'm not a fan of random babysitters hired by the B&G.  Not because I think they're bad people, just that it's easier when your kids and the caregiver know each other.  So that particular detail wouldn't sway me.
  

  This.   It's a nice gesture when done but unless this is a repeat for the sitter and kids it's unlikely to work.   
  
  I think that whether or not an overnight will work is something you need to check with your VIPs.   At least for DH and me, having kids is only one of the factors that come into play when figuring out the overnight.   The other thing to consider is whether or not you pick a place with a 2 night min.  It's certainly easier for us to be local and get a sitter of our own, but we'll also make arrangements to stay away with grandparents having the kids.
  
  Check with the key people you want there and see what they think will work. 

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  Maggie0829 member

  

  February 2016

  I think you are very nice for being so concerned about inconveniencing your guests.  But remember, an invite is not a summons.  If what you plan is not something that a person with children can do, they are free to decline.  So plan a wedding that works for you, your FI, your VIPs, and your budget and let your guests decide if what you planned is something that they want to attend.
  

  
  

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  kittykyat member

  

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  Just curious about what you mean by "require" guests to stay overnight? I have been to weddings around 2 hours away and I have just driven home after (I didn't drink). If I had a kid I would probably just leave around 9 or 10pm and then go home afterwards. 
  
  ETA: Or I would get a sitter at home and still drive home that night. Either way, I probably wouldn't get a hotel for "less than 2 hours" away but that is just me.

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2016

  yeah I realized after when speaking with a friend that guests can just leave early anyway. i guess i was over thinking the situation trying to be accommadating. 

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  littlestmonkey member

  

  February 2016

  For our wedding, we organized a hotel block thinking that it would primarily be used by DH's guests, who were flying in. We didn't anticipate that my family and friends (who live less than an hour away) would also book rooms - some brought the kid with them (kids were invited to the wedding) and others left the kids at home with inlaws, regular sitters etc. One of my friends lived 30 mins from the venue, booked a room for her and her DH, and left the kids with her mother so they could have some time together. Other family members who live 2+ hours away left a bit early to get on the road. My point is that people will come or not, and they'll book a hotel or not. As long as you're not 'requiring' them to stay, or the hotel doesn't have a 2-night minimum I think you'e good

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  00kim00 member

  

  February 2016

  My wedding location was a 2-3 hour drive for most local guests. We had some declines, but none because of their kids. 2 families left their kids at home with family, the rest brought their kids. We provided free lodging for anyone who wanted it, plus meals, including the days before and after the wedding. A couple families stayed there but most drove up and back that day. 

  
  

  The one thing I recommend is timing your wedding for the most convenient driving- late enough that no one has to get up early but early enough to get back for bedtime. Also avoid making people travel during meal times. A 2-3pm wedding, for example, let's families eat lunch at home, kids who can can nap in the car, and people can enjoy the day and still be on the road by 6 or 7 if they want and get back for an 8-9pm bedtime.

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  SP29 member

  

  February 2016

  As with any wedding, check the date, and location with your VIPs (immediate family, very close friends).
  
  Otherwise I think it is a know your crowd type of thing. 
  
  Since you mentioned NYC- do your guests who have children live there too? Are they used to travel in/out of the city for events? If so, 2 hours might not be a big deal. For someone else, it might. 
  
  As for the overnight "requirement", I don't think 2 hours necessarily requires an overnight, but those who don't stay overnight are more likely to leave early. 
  
  You *might* have people with children decline, but as long as you are welcoming children to the wedding, there is not much else you can do to make it easier- they will either come or they won't. 
  
  
  

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