Wedding Etiquette Forum

Gifts for destination wedding.

We live in Minnesota & are getting married in South Carolina. My fiancé &I will be flying to SC & of course flying back home from SC to MN. I'll have a hard enough time just flying back squeezing my wedding dress/cake top etc back home with us. We simply cannot fly back with "boxed" presents. I feel as though I'd almost have to get them boxed and shipped at a local ups. I have a wedding website & It does have a tab for "registries". My fiancé & I haven't planned on registering. We have lived together for 3 years we have a very established household. However we do have future plans, buy a house, go on honeymoon, have a child. Where cash would really help us. What I'm getting at is how can I tactfully let guests know that we are only wanting monetary gifts. Please be nice I know that everyone thinks insinuating for cash is rude but if our wedding was local I'd be more open to boxed gifts but our situation is different. I will absolutely have nothing on invitations about gifts. But I know by word of mouth & by the website there's a way I can hopefully make this as classy as possible. Any suggestions? Thank you :smile: 

Re: Gifts for destination wedding.

  • This is not a unique situation. I got married in my hometown, from where I lived OOT (like a 4 hour plane ride OOT). This was not an issue for us. 

    We had a registry, a fairly large one. 95% of the gifts given at our wedding were cash. People get it. Doesn't make it acceptable to say "cash only" though. Some of our guests who lived OOT with us, gave us a wedding gift back home after the wedding. The odd person shipped a gift to us, from the store. Some people did bring physical gifts and we packed them in our suitcase. 

    A way in suggest that you would prefer cash is to have no registry or a very small registry. I suggest a very small registry, as some people do not give cash gifts, ever. If someone ASKS, you CAN say, "We don't really need much, but we are saving up for a house". 

    If anyone does give you a boxed gift at the wedding it is your responsibility to figure out how to get it back. Either bring it on the plane, ship it, or you can return it to the store where your registry is, and then buy it again once you get back home. Sometimes the store will offer to return the gift for you but have the item waiting for you at your local store (essentially shipping it for you), as they want you to buy their product, not return it for the cash only. 
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • I got married a 13 hour drive from where we live. Had a shower there too. We registered for things we needed or wanted upgrades for and made arrangements to get the gifts people generously gave us home. Honestly the majority of large boxed gifts people shipped right to our house and then printed a picture or gave us a small gift that went with it for the shower. For the wedding nearly everyone gave us cash. (Except my sister and BIL who are fantastic and gave us a car carrier). 

    PPs have it covered; don't register, tell people you're saving up, and they will get the hint. I will say I know some people who HATE giving cash at weddings so if a couple is married and doesn't have a registry they will just pick something out for them. 

    OP your gut feeling about askingor insinuating you just want money is correct; it's rude and there is no tactful way to come out and ask for cash. 
    SP29[Deleted User]
  • I'm sure everyone close enough to you to be invited to your wedding is well aware you live in another state than the wedding location and will keep that in mind by either mailing your gift or giving cash. But ultimately this is something you cannot control. Do not register. Ship any boxed gifts to yourself or drive them or store them until you or someone else is able to drive them up. You are overthinking this.
    image
    lc07
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. Some people will want to get you a physical gift - it won't matter what you say or do.

    But I have good news  
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for furniture (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    SP29[Deleted User]
  • Lots of great suggestions from PP. I would also add that you should check with your airline ahead of time to see what the baggage allowances are and or how to ship things home so you are prepared and have money set aside to cover these additional expenses. I went to a destination wedding last year where quite a few people brought boxed gifts, but the happy couple had already figured out ahead of time that shipping was the best and the local post office had boxes available to buy to put everything together.

  • We got married on a different continent to where we live. Most of our wedding guests gave cash, some bought gifts off our small registries and had them shipped to where we live, and some guests bought beautiful boxed gifts to our wedding. We brought what we could back with us straight after the wedding and left the rest with my parents. Over the last 18 months, every time I've gone to visit my parents I bring a few more gifts back with me and my parents brought some with them when they came to visit us. Some people will bring gifts regardless and I wouldn't have swapped any of our gifts for cash, even if it would have been easier to transport. 

    Do you have any one in SC who might be willing and able store things for you on a short-term basis until you can visit and pick the rest up? Alternatively, could you drive to SC and give yourselves a bit more leeway to transport everything?
    charlotte989875SP29madamerwin
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We got married in the states and lived in the islands.   WITHOUT ASKING, we received mostly checks/cash.  The few boxed gifts we got were graciously accepted and we just shipped them home.  








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    charlotte989875SP29InLoveInQueenslc07
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your situation is not unique.  Don't register.  People will know that cash is a great gift.  And Great Aunt Betty was going to buy you that vase anyways, regardless what you asked for.  


    image
    [Deleted User]
  • We didn't register and only received one "boxed gift". Guests figure it out 
    [Deleted User]
  • Viczaesar said:
    We live in Minnesota & are getting married in South Carolina. My fiancé &I will be flying to SC & of course flying back home from SC to MN. I'll have a hard enough time just flying back squeezing my wedding dress/cake top etc back home with us. We simply cannot fly back with "boxed" presents. I feel as though I'd almost have to get them boxed and shipped at a local ups. I have a wedding website & It does have a tab for "registries". My fiancé & I haven't planned on registering. We have lived together for 3 years we have a very established household. However we do have future plans, buy a house, go on honeymoon, have a child. Where cash would really help us. What I'm getting at is how can I tactfully let guests know that we are only wanting monetary gifts. Please be nice I know that everyone thinks insinuating for cash is rude but if our wedding was local I'd be more open to boxed gifts but our situation is different. I will absolutely have nothing on invitations about gifts. But I know by word of mouth & by the website there's a way I can hopefully make this as classy as possible. Any suggestions? Thank you :smile: 
    No, your situation is not different or unique.  Thousands of couples are in the exact same situation.  The only way you can subtly hint that you would prefer cash gifts to boxed gifts is by not registering, or by having a very small registry and listing your home address as the shipping address on the registry.  That's what I would suggest, because some people are not going to be comfortable giving you money, and if you don't give them some direction you risk getting a metal rooster or other random present.  If you do receive presents at your wedding you can return them and rebuy them in your home state, donate them, give them away, or figure out how to ship them home.  But you absolutely cannot ask for money in any way.
    I would be OK with having a metal rooster, but I also have 2 chicken coops. But my family would get come crystal flatware or something, so Id have to register for the metal rooster. lol

    But yeah, we are going to get married where we live, which is 12+ hour drive for all our families. We are not going to register for more than things like towels, and crap that is easy to travel with for them. 
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Like others said, people realize that you are having the wedding away from home and usually will gift accordingly.  Doing a very small, or no, registry will help relay that information also. 

    My shower was out of state for me, back in my hometown.  Even though a shower is meant to be for tangible gifts, 90% of my shower gifts were gift cards. I registered for a small number of items at Bed, Bath & Beyond.  I liked that they have a wide variety of items and a great return policy. For some of the larger gifts, particularly for dishes or breakable items, I returned them to BBB after the shower and had them reorder the same items to ship to my home. That way I got the same items that were gifted to me, but I didn't need to worry about transporting them. It was actually a salesperson at BBB that suggested this option to me.  I also took an extra duffle bag with me that I used to carry items that I couldn't easily return before heading home.

    At my actual wedding, which was destination for everyone, people only brought cash gifts.  I didn't have to request it.  But, since it was destination for them also, they didn't want to travel with large gifts either.  Most of the tangible gifts we received were just sent to our home. 

    So, keep registry minimal and put home as shipping address.  Most people are smart enough to realize that large gifts can be an inconvenience for you.  I really liked the idea of returning gifts to store and reordering before traveling home.  It made things SO much easier on me.  And word of mouth is a great tool.

    image 

  • geebee908 said:
    I sent this link to my fella like 2 years ago and said that she was my spirit animal.  He got me a travel size Beyonce after a funny disagreement that we had regarding lawn crap. She looks out the window above the sink in the house. I LOVE this blog. And yes, I would have a 4" tall rooster if i was allowed too. Unfortunately, the tire swing that looks like a horse spooks my horses to frequently and I am informed that a giant metal rooter would too.  
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