Help! Don't want to pay for her stay...

Re: Help! Don't want to pay for her stay...

• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2016

  Knottie05232939 said:

  
  Help! What do I do?  I am having my wedding out of state and I had planned on having someone in that town do my hair to avoid extra expense. My friend who is also my hairdresser, was going to be invited either way.
  
  I didn't ask her to do my hair, but she said she was going to do it. I asked are you sure you would be able to swing it and she said yes. We are having the wedding at all inclusive resort.  It would be around $700 to have her stay there. We just can't afford it, as we are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. I did offer to pay for her flight up and to pay for her to do my hair, but I can't swing an extra $700. There are only a few rooms left at the resort and she hasn't made a reservation yet. How do I let her know that I am not wanting/going to pay for her stay? 

  If she's still planning on attending, she will make her own arrangements to stay somewhere.  If she doesn't make it because she can't swing an extra $700 then you will have to find someone else to do your hair.  You don't get to tell people how to spend their money.

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• nerdwife member

  

  February 2016

  Knottie05232939 said:

  
  Help! What do I do?  I am having my wedding out of state and I had planned on having someone in that town do my hair to avoid extra expense. My friend who is also my hairdresser, was going to be invited either way.
  
  I didn't ask her to do my hair, but she said she was going to do it. I asked are you sure you would be able to swing it and she said yes. We are having the wedding at all inclusive resort.  It would be around $700 to have her stay there. We just can't afford it, as we are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. I did offer to pay for her flight up and to pay for her to do my hair, but I can't swing an extra $700. There are only a few rooms left at the resort and she hasn't made a reservation yet. How do I let her know that I am not wanting/going to pay for her stay? 

  Wait, it would cost your guests $700 to attend your wedding, plus airfare?

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• Knottie05232939 member

  

  February 2016

  No I agree, it's the reason I didn't ask her to do it in the first place. I know it is expensive and would never want people to feel obligated to go. 

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• Knottie05232939 member

  

  February 2016

  nerdwife said:

  Knottie05232939 said:

  
  Help! What do I do?  I am having my wedding out of state and I had planned on having someone in that town do my hair to avoid extra expense. My friend who is also my hairdresser, was going to be invited either way.
  
  I didn't ask her to do my hair, but she said she was going to do it. I asked are you sure you would be able to swing it and she said yes. We are having the wedding at all inclusive resort.  It would be around $700 to have her stay there. We just can't afford it, as we are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. I did offer to pay for her flight up and to pay for her to do my hair, but I can't swing an extra $700. There are only a few rooms left at the resort and she hasn't made a reservation yet. How do I let her know that I am not wanting/going to pay for her stay? 

  Wait, it would cost your guests $700 to attend your wedding, plus airfare?

  Yes, its at an all inclusive dude ranch out of state. We didn't expect we would have a ton of people coming and we are now at 120 people. It's an incredible place and everyone is super excited for it! The airfare is only $120 round trip.

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  February 2016

  Your guests can stay somewhere else right? So, she can too! 

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• pegasuskat member

  

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  I would ask her if she has made reservations yet.  Your paying for her airfare is more than generous since you didn't ask her to do your hair. I hope you made it very clear to her in the first conversation that was all you were paying for.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2016

  pegasuskat said:

  I would ask her if she has made reservations yet.  Your paying for her airfare is more than generous since you didn't ask her to do your hair. I hope you made it very clear to her in the first conversation that was all you were paying for.

  I wouldn't ask her at all.  Presumably she's an adult and can make her own plans.  You can let her know that there are only a few rooms left and you didn't see her name in your room block, but maybe she's made arrangements to either stay elsewhere or to bunk with someone else.  Don't harass her. If she doesn't make it, she doesn't make it, and you find someone else to do your hair.

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• LondonLisa member

  

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  So what if it runs out of space. She can just stay at another local hotel like the rest of your guests, right? 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  February 2016

  adk19 said:

  pegasuskat said:

  I would ask her if she has made reservations yet.  Your paying for her airfare is more than generous since you didn't ask her to do your hair. I hope you made it very clear to her in the first conversation that was all you were paying for.

  I wouldn't ask her at all.  Presumably she's an adult and can make her own plans.  You can let her know that there are only a few rooms left and you didn't see her name in your room block, but maybe she's made arrangements to either stay elsewhere or to bunk with someone else.  Don't harass her. If she doesn't make it, she doesn't make it, and you find someone else to do your hair.

  I agree - no need to ask her anything.  If there's a deadline to make reservations at the resort, you can let her know of the deadline, but it's up to her to make them at the resort or another hotel nearby.  Let her work it out.

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