Invited to a Wedding? I don't even know the person?

[Deleted User] · February 2016

I was invited to a Wedding for a family friend's daughter. The thing is, I've never met her or her fiance. They live in Europe. The family friend is through my step father. Honestly I'm a little confused. It was a nice gesture but I've never met the girl lol. I'm going to decline but do I send a gift? This is so bizarre haha.

justsie · February 2016

PolskaBlondynka said:

I was invited to a Wedding for a family friend's daughter. The thing is, I've never met her or her fiance. They live in Europe. The family friend is through my step father. Honestly I'm a little confused. It was a nice gesture but I've never met the girl lol. I'm going to decline but do I send a gift? This is so bizarre haha.

I wouldn't send a gift, but that is just me. Are they having the wedding in Europe? It kind of sounds like they invited you knowing you wouldn't come but might send a gift..... I hope it isn't that but it was the first thing that popped into my head.

LD1970 · February 2016

Normally I always send a gift, even when I don't go, but for this I wouldn't.

MesmrEwe · February 2016

This is one that can go either way. Do you have to go/send a gift/etc. No, a wedding invite is not a subpoena. What I'd do is likely a card with $10 tops with this being a family friend. They thought enough of you to invite you and depending on how close the parents are to you that's the route I'd go... BUT, that said, it's up to you to decide!

downtondiva · February 2016

I'm going to be honest, I also assumed immediately that this was a gift grab invitation. If I was in your situation, I wouldn't attend and I wouldn't send a gift. I'm all for sending a gift if you can't make it to a family member or friend's wedding, but for someone you've never met? It's up to you, but I think it's perfectly okay for you not to send a gift.

jacques27 · February 2016

I don't send gifts for weddings I don't attend. Send your regrets and congratulate them on their upcoming nuptials. That's all you really need to do.

AddieCake · February 2016

I wouldn't send a gift if you don't even know them.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

AddieCake said:

I wouldn't send a gift if you don't even know them.

Not only would I not send a gift, but I wouldn't even send a card if I didn't know them. That's just weird.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

I know the family friend pretty well but their daughter has lived in Europe all her life. She studied school there and just ended up staying there, that is why nobody in my family has really met her. I just think it would be rude if I didn't send a gift to support but have this feeling I received an invite JUST for a gift. I would absolutely without a doubt send a gift with the polite decline if I actually KNEW the daughter.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

MesmrEwe said:

This is one that can go either way. Do you have to go/send a gift/etc. No, a wedding invite is not a subpoena. What I'd do is likely a card with $10 tops with this being a family friend. They thought enough of you to invite you and depending on how close the parents are to you that's the route I'd go... BUT, that said, it's up to you to decide!

I'm thinking of just buying a nice wedding frame for $20 tops from ThingsRemembered and giving it to the parents so they can take it to Europe. There's no way I am paying to have it shipped there.

I think it was a nice gesture but it's kind of weird I'd have to send a gift.

MaggieF1990 · February 2016

I wouldn't send a gift, but I don't usually send gifts to weddings I don't/can't attend (of course an exception would be made if it was a very close friend or family member).

Hopefully it's not a gift grab invitation. I will say this sounds like a situation where my mom would have made me invite you if the family is close. Example: I was close with our neighbor's daughter growing up, and also knew her parents pretty well. We are inviting her and her parents, and my mom is insisting we invite her brother too. I know him but probably haven't spoken to him since he moved out after high school about 7-8 years ago. Her thought is even he won't come, but it would be "rude" to invite his entire family except him. I disagree, and don't think he would be offended in the slightest, but my parents are paying, and as they say, those who pay have a say. I 100% do not expect him to send me a wedding gift, so I'm hoping yours is that kind of a situation rather than a gift grab invitation!

[Deleted User] · February 2016

It may just be that to be honest. I'm happy for the parents, for sure. But I'm not attending so I may just send a card/small gift.

holyguacamole79 · February 2016

Is this a cultural thing, perhaps? I received an invite for my Indian colleague's sister. (Never met the colleague IRL, let alone the sister). Perhaps this is the cultural norm for them?

AddieCake · February 2016

It's not rude to not send a gift to a wedding you aren't attending for a person you don't know.

SP29 · February 2016

I wouldn't send a gift. You could send a nice card, if you feel so inclined due to the family connection.

Jen4948 · February 2016

If you're not attending the wedding, then while it's a nice gesture to send a gift, it's not required.

STARMOON44 · February 2016

I wouldn't assume this is a gift grab at all. Your family is close friends with her family. She's probably been hearing about you for years and invited you either as a courtesy to her step-dad or because it was a chance to finally meet you.

I wouldnt give a cheap gift and I especially wouldn't give her parents the chore of delivering it though! RSVP no, send a card congratulating the happy couple, and call it a day. They didn't invite you to extort $10 out of you.

southernbelle0915 · February 2016

I also wouldn't assume this is a gift grab.

DH's parents sent us a list of 50 obscure people, many of whom we had never met. They even said "these people probably won't come, but we want them to at least receive an invitation." Thankfully they didn't contribute to the wedding so we just told them no. Otherwise we may have had to invite these people.

This person might be in a similar situation. Try to assume good intentions. Even so, I wouldn't send a gift or a card if you don't know them. I'd probably just check the decline box and write "Congratulations!" on the RSVP card.

MyNameIsNot · February 2016

I'm thinking this is more of the parents' list than a gift grab. Like PPs, my dad had a list of 20 something people that he wanted to invite. I probably met them when I was a child, but I wouldn't be able to pick them out of a line-up. Since he was contributing, he got to invite these people. In his mind, it was his event too (he was hosting) so it made sense for him to invite some long term friends.

Still, I wouldn't send a gift. Maybe a card with the RSVP, but not a gift.

cowgirl8238 · February 2016

As a guest that was invited you do not have an obligation to give a gift. In this instance (based on post) I think a nice card and small a check would be my course of action. It shows that you care and support them, but it isn't difficult to send and shouldn't break the bank to send it.

MaggieF1990 · February 2016

MyNameIsNot said:

I'm thinking this is more of the parents' list than a gift grab. Like PPs, my dad had a list of 20 something people that he wanted to invite. I probably met them when I was a child, but I wouldn't be able to pick them out of a line-up. Since he was contributing, he got to invite these people. In his mind, it was his event too (he was hosting) so it made sense for him to invite some long term friends.

Still, I wouldn't send a gift. Maybe a card with the RSVP, but not a gift.

Picking them out of a line-up sounds exactly like my situation. I'm convinced some of the people we are inviting due to my mom's request would not recognize ME if I passed them on the street...relatives and parents' friends who I have probably not seen in 15+ years. Sigh. But same situation. She wants them to have an invitation, know her daughter is getting married, etc.

GlamQueenBride · February 2016

Not sure why most are assuming this is a gift grab when we have tons of posts all the time saying that their guest list is out of control thanks to future in-laws. That's what this sounds like. Parents are proud and want to invite everyone they've ever known to celebrate. Decline the invite and wish them well. No need to send a gift.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

I wouldn't send a gift to someone I don't know.

geebee908 · February 2016

GlamQueenBride said:

Not sure why most are assuming this is a gift grab when we have tons of posts all the time saying that their guest list is out of control thanks to future in-laws. That's what this sounds like. Parents are proud and want to invite everyone they've ever known to celebrate. Decline the invite and wish them well. No need to send a gift.

But we have heard something like the following enough times on these boards to make that assumption somewhat valid. The scenario is the guest list is out of control and the parents (usually) try to justify by saying that the extra guests they want to include won't actually come but they'll send a nice gift.

[Deleted User] · March 2016

geebee908 said:

show previous quotes

GlamQueenBride said:

Not sure why most are assuming this is a gift grab when we have tons of posts all the time saying that their guest list is out of control thanks to future in-laws. That's what this sounds like. Parents are proud and want to invite everyone they've ever known to celebrate. Decline the invite and wish them well. No need to send a gift.

But we have heard something like the following enough times on these boards to make that assumption somewhat valid. The scenario is the guest list is out of control and the parents (usually) try to justify by saying that the extra guests they want to include won't actually come but they'll send a nice gift.

From first hand experience, my FMIL asked if we could invite a few of her friends. My fiance argued with her that this is not a party for her friends. She insisted because they will probably decline but send a nice gift for us anyway. We didn't put them on the list. I don't need people at my wedding that do not know me and I don't need them to feel like they have to send a gift.

Invited to a Wedding? I don't even know the person?

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