Mismatched bridesmaid dresses

Knottie1440099748 · February 2016

I really love the idea of mismatched bridesmaid dresses. I love the look. I also love that it will make my maids feel more comfortable in something they pick out. However, I'm terrified that it won't "come together" like if I send a color palette, everyone will pick the exact same color except one person or the dresses won't look good together or have the same feel.

I'm seriously considering giving each girl three different options on what I think and having each of them pick. Is that weird? I know that everyone says to either stay in control and pick the one dress or don't stay in control at all with mismatched. Any ideas on how I can have my cake and eat it too?

Lol.

whoabethers · February 2016

I think it's perfectly fine to limit the options. In all of the weddings I've been in where we could have different styles, we still had to choose between whichever 2-4 the bride wanted. I was only in one wedding where the bride gave us a free-for-all, and one of the maids didn't even match color lol.

JaxInBlue · February 2016

Knottie1440099748 said:

I really love the idea of mismatched bridesmaid dresses. I love the look. I also love that it will make my maids feel more comfortable in something they pick out. However, I'm terrified that it won't "come together" like if I send a color palette, everyone will pick the exact same color except one person or the dresses won't look good together or have the same feel.

I'm seriously considering giving each girl three different options on what I think and having each of them pick. Is that weird? I know that everyone says to either stay in control and pick the one dress or don't stay in control at all with mismatched. Any ideas on how I can have my cake and eat it too? Lol.

One way to achieve a semi-mismatched but also cohesive look is to give two or three criteria for a dress (and maybe from one line of dresses). So for example, if you are shopping at David's Bridal, you could ask for any long dress in horizon blue (which would give your party members 100+ choices) or be more specific and say long, horizon and chiffon (which still has 31 options).

IMO, a couple of additional criteria doesn't make it too much more difficult to find a dress as long as what you ask for is reasonable.

glasgowtolondon · February 2016

If you really want 'planned' mismatched bridesmaids it might be tough if you just give a choice of colours. Like you say, all but one might pick the same colour. Why don't you speak to them individually to canvas their thoughts? I am pale with red hair so chances are I'm going to pick the emerald green over dove grey or champagne - they probably have preferences already that will give you a good indication.

lembaslover · February 2016

Personally I think you are overthinking it and it's pretty unlikely that everyone but 1 person will choose the same color dress, especially if you are opening it up to anything not just from a certain store or designer. Even if it did happen I don't think it'd look as bad as you think.

However if you are still worried maybe a compromise would be to select 1 color and then let them all pick their dresses, then you don't have to worry about that one scenario.

If you do just pick 3 options and let them pick I think that is still ok, I mean it is giving them more freedom than picking 1 dress. Won't you still have the issue of what if they all pick one of them except for 1 person? Again I don't think it'd look that bad if it did happen but this option doesn't really address your first concern.

thisismynickname2 · February 2016

I've had a choice of three black chiffon styles, and I've had a choice of "anything in David's Bridal Plum that's long." One of my friends was told "Any pinkish or nude color" and it stressed her out big time. She is one of those types who would rather be told exactly what to wear rather than worry about coordinating with others. I told her to wear whatever black dress she wanted for mine and it caused her stress.

Now then, the reason I went with any black dress for mine is because I had originally wanted something like the Sex and the City wedding (red, blue, black). Well, my mom started busting out paint palettes and showing me what goes together and what doesn't and I started thinking it would be a nightmare. So I scrapped the idea and went with black.

Moral of my story- yes, it's easy to freak that mismatched won't actually match well enough. I think browsing Pinterest will help so you can see that very different dresses do still look nice together (like mixed metallics). Or, go to a place like DB where you can just say "Any David's brand in x color" and call it a day. Everyone will find something they like.

JediElizabeth · February 2016

I had the same concerns, since I'm going to have my brides & groomsmaids dress in black and navy lace dresses.

I've started to make a Pinterest board with the kinds of styles and shapes I like (complete with plus size models, different cuts, etc.), so they have an idea of what I'm thinking of. Plus, it links to online retailers at a variety of price points, which may or may not be helpful for them. Hopefully it makes things more coherent, while still giving them a lot of options.

flantastic · February 2016

Our group went with "anything knee-length from this designer in this color." That gave them about 40 choices. I highly doubted that any more than 2 of 4 would choose the same dress, and no one got the same thing. If you give multiple colors, it's certainly true that you might end up with all but one in one color.

I was just in a wedding where we did bronze to gold to copper sequins. Everyone's dress was significantly different, but the mixed metallics worked out well. Unless your palette is of different neutrals, I would stick with one color hue (i.e. not blue and green and yellow, but shades of blue). You really can't control how many people end up in the same or different hue.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

I think if you leave it completely open like 'Anything blue' or 'Anything purple' you'll be okay. One might choose lavender and the other plum and another an ombre chiffon number that fades from lilac to violet. But just imagine how lovely the smiles on those women will be when they've gotten to pick out a dress that they love.

Because, truthfully, I'm never going to wear again a knee-length dress you foist upon me. I decided in my middle-age that I much prefer a long dress. So, if you narrow down my options to David's Bridal Royal Blue knee-length, it's going to be a dress I wear once and never again. But if you tell me to get a dark blue dress, I'm going to find a sassy off-the-shoulder number that makes me feel foxy and I'll want to wear all the time.

indigo26 · February 2016

I told my friends to pick from a range of shades from David's Bridal but it had to be at least knee length or longer and no strapless (they're all super busty and were very happy with those guidelines). I think I told them they could go with any shade of blue from Marine to Capri. If they wanted to go outside of David's, it still had to fall somewhere in that range of colors. They ended up with three different shades of blue, but when I saw them together it looks awesome.

holyguacamole79 · February 2016

I said medium to dark purple cocktail length and it turned out fine.

lightningsnow · February 2016

My best friend told me knee length in any shade of blue. I found a really nice one that I didn't spend much on and I'll wear again.

I'm so happy that she is so chill and laid back, telling me to wear whatever I am comfortable in in terms of everything.

londinium215 · February 2016

I told my girls the length (they all wanted floor length, so floor length it was), the material, and the colour (they're all spread out and in different countries so we collectively decided they would order from Azazie). They could choose any style as long as it met those criteria.

Each of them emailed me before ordering to let me know what they chose, and each of them picked the same dress without knowing what the others chose!

lnixon8 · February 2016

I said coral but anything from light pink to burnt orange. This is what happened:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/82/q38expevz9lp.jpg

Knottie1440099748 · February 2016

Wow! Thanks for all the support guys!
I don't think I'm going to do a David's Bridal pick. Our wedding is super casual and I was hoping the girls could pick out sundresses from like Nordstrom or Modcloth or something. That way they would be able to wear them again.

When I said the thing about the three dresses I meant that for each girl I would give them three choices. Each girl would get a different three. (that makes me sounds a little big more control-freak-ish, right?) I am going to have 6 bridesmaids..

I guess that's where I'm more concerned too. If I say, Sundresses, I feel like that could go in many different ways. and I want the dresses to "feel" the same...

I'm sure I'm over thinking this.

drid · February 2016

Weddington Way has a ton of dresses, and you can sort by colour which may make it easier for you to make your colour scheme. They've got lots of different styles too. Its worth taking a peek at. And @lnixon8 , that is a great picture, I love the way the corals/pinks/oranges came together!

charlotte989875 · February 2016

I do think you're overthinking this. What if one likes the three you "assign" to someone else better? I'd say give them a color scheme and a length and let them choose. Trying to give six people three different option just seems like too much work, and a little controlling for letting them choose their own. As you can see from @lnixon8 photo this turns out beautifully.

For a casual wedding I suggest telling them short dresses (knee length) in whatever color(s) you like, in a light fabric (you could even say no satin or tell them chiffon, jersey, cotton, etc). The length, color, and fabric suggestions are going to make them fit together even though they are different dresses from different stores.

Or you can ask their budget and choose one dress in it. I think you either need to trust their judgement to choose dresses on their own (which I completely recommend) or just choose one dress. But this choosing three for each to choose one seems more controlling and like it will cause more problems.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

charlotte989875 said:

I do think you're overthinking this. What if one likes the three you "assign" to someone else better? I'd say give them a color scheme and a length and let them choose. Trying to give six people three different option just seems like too much work, and a little controlling for letting them choose their own. As you can see from @lnixon8 photo this turns out beautifully.

For a casual wedding I suggest telling them short dresses (knee length) in whatever color(s) you like, in a light fabric (you could even say no satin or tell them chiffon, jersey, cotton, etc). The length, color, and fabric suggestions are going to make them fit together even though they are different dresses from different stores.

Or you can ask their budget and choose one dress in it. I think you either need to trust their judgement to choose dresses on their own (which I completely recommend) or just choose one dress. But this choosing three for each to choose one seems more controlling and like it will cause more problems.

The problem with this suggestion is that I'm never again going to wear a knee-length sundress. Like the picture lnixon posted above, does it really look awful that only one of the ladies chose to wear a long dress? I don't. And that long dress would be mine. I know how to dress for the weather. I don't need to be told not to choose satin. I'd tell them to get a solid colored dress in *blank* (i.e. coral, pink, green, blue, purple, metalics, neutrals). Tell them 'in the turquoise family, anything from mint green to light blue, to aqua; the color of the sea' or something. Remind them it will be warm the day of the wedding, and trust that the know how to dress themselves.

charlotte989875 · February 2016

I didn't even realize someone was wearing a long dress! I amend my advice to agree with @adk19 give them a color scheme, tell them the details of the wedding (outdoors, casual, weather) and let them choose.

ETA: I feel like giving them three different choices each is micro-managing their choices and feels like you're trying to give them the appearance of choosing their own dress, without actually giving them a choice.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

charlotte989875 said:

I didn't even realize someone was wearing a long dress! I amend my advice to agree with @adk19 give them a color scheme, tell them the details of the wedding (outdoors, casual, weather) and let them choose.

Thank you, charlotte.

SP29 · February 2016

I agree that by choosing 3 dresses for each girl is getting micro-managy. What if one BM would like and fit better in a dress you offered to someone else? And it's a heck of a lot of work for yourself!

I agree with adk on giving them a colour family and letting them pick what works.

I'm also not a huge fan of giving a fabric requirement- I just don't think it matters.

I told my BM's "midnight blue, David's Bridal, cocktail length" (though now I agree that giving them "cocktail length" was too much- who cares what length it is??). I only had 2 women- my MOH and BM. MOH picked a dress in satin, straps, calf length. BM picked a dress in cotton, knee length and strapless. Both different silhouettes. I think they both looked great! BM was worried her cotton dress wouldn't look fancy enough beside satin, but I wasn't worried about that. The cotton dress did have a bit of a sheen to it.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

My sister (MOH): What do you want me to wear?
Me: Whatever.
Sister: No, but, what should I wear?
Me: Clothes?
Sister: Ok so how about a blue dress? I have a blue dress.
Me: Sure, cool.
Mom: I want to wear blue too! And it's going to be silk! And the collar will be up here! I'm going to get it DESIGNED.
Me: Great!
Dad: Can I wear shorts and a Hawaiian shirt?
Me: Sure thing.
Mom: No he CANNOT.
Me: He can wear whatever he wants.
Dad: Did you hear that??

InLoveInQueens · February 2016

A&B567 said:

My sister (MOH): What do you want me to wear?
Me: Whatever.
Sister: No, but, what should I wear?
Me: Clothes?
Sister: Ok so how about a blue dress? I have a blue dress.
Me: Sure, cool.
Mom: I want to wear blue too! And it's going to be silk! And the collar will be up here! I'm going to get it DESIGNED.
Me: Great!
Dad: Can I wear shorts and a Hawaiian shirt?
Me: Sure thing.
Mom: No he CANNOT.
Me: He can wear whatever he wants.
Dad: Did you hear that??

My mom kept trying to get me to tell her what to wear. I told her "I mean, maybe not sweatpants but as long as you're fully clothed I don't care, you know what my dress looks like".

[Deleted User] · February 2016

We had a winter wedding and I asked my bridesmaids to wear a knee length (more or less) black dress. It was perfect!

emmy72 · February 2016

Regardless of what you want to tell them to buy/not buy, you can always start a group chat--either on iMessage or Facebook or something--and tell them they can chime in while looking at options.

My cousin did this. The bride was happy because she was kept in the loop without having to be TOO involved. BMs were happy because it was no-stress, lighthearted way to check in with each other and compare dresses.

Bonus: it kept the conversation light and fun. Just an idea.

MandyMost · February 2016

I told my bridesmaids (5 girls, 2 guys) that I'd prefer if they wore a jewel tone, so coordinate with our wedding colors. Out of the girls, we had 2 different shades of a "bright blue" (kind of a cobalt), a birght red, and two navy dresses. All were long except for one of the navy, and she also wore navy tights. One guy wore a black suit with a deep blue tie, and one guy wore a reddish-purple velvity jacket and tie combo. I think my photos look great. Not "typical bridesmaid" photos for sure, but that's not what I wanted anyway.

My favorite part of the photos with my bridesmaids? I love these people, and in the photos they look like themselves. They look comfortable and happy and are showing off their own personality and sense of style, in the way that is fully unique to them.

As an aside, I did end up getting a LOT of texts with dress pictures that I had to "approve". If I was asked "this or that" I gave my opinion, but otherwise I never said no to anything!

[Deleted User] · February 2016

Why don't you start an open dialogue with the girls on bridesmaid dresses and say you want them to look mismatched? Share some pictures of your "vision" and then say you want to work together to find dresses that everyone's comfortable with where everyone can be in a different color. I can't imagine each girl has ONE color they can wear. For example, I'm a pale redhead so I have colors that certainly don't work for me. But I also have 5-6 "go-to" colors that I will happily wear! If I'm like, "ok I like green, blue, or purple" and another BM wants to wear purple I can be flexible. Just involve the girls and make sure everyone is comfortable!

lnixon8 · February 2016

Knottie1455576458 said:

Why don't you start an open dialogue with the girls on bridesmaid dresses and say you want them to look mismatched? Share some pictures of your "vision" and then say you want to work together to find dresses that everyone's comfortable with where everyone can be in a different color. I can't imagine each girl has ONE color they can wear. For example, I'm a pale redhead so I have colors that certainly don't work for me. But I also have 5-6 "go-to" colors that I will happily wear! If I'm like, "ok I like green, blue, or purple" and another BM wants to wear purple I can be flexible. Just involve the girls and make sure everyone is comfortable!

SITB Visions are less important than making sure your bridal party does not have to "work together" on anything.

Knottie04884434 · February 2016

not a bad idea- mismatched bridesmaids dresses.
im thinking of the same idea and my sister also had myself & her bridesmaids in mismatched dresses! it looked fantastic!

ezizabef · March 2016

I'm doing mismatched bridesmaid dress and have 5 bridesmaids. I was worried about the exact same thing, especially since two of the gals live out of town/state. I went with three of the girls and we were able to coordinate colors. Two of them picked a similar color. So, when I contacted the other two girls I explained which colors had been chosen, which to avoid (basically the colors already chosen), and suggested a few colors that would work. A fourth bridesmaid was able to send photos while she was picking hers, and we were able to coordinate and I passed on more info to the final bridesmaid. It takes a bit more planning and communication, but they really appreciated the freedom to pick a style/color that looked good with their skin tone and body type. Just play it by ear and try to go with them if you can.

zerostarzombie · March 2016

marriedhamstermom said:

However if you are still worried maybe a compromise would be to select 1 color and then let them all pick their dresses, then you don't have to worry about that one scenario.

This is exactly what I did for my BMs and they were forever thankful. I went to David's Bridal with each of them, told them the color, and we tried one 3-6 different styles. Each girl has her own dress and style, but same color. They look beautiful, and they can wear them again if they choose to do so.

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