How Much Time Off Before the Wedding?

tigerlily6 · February 2016

First, very excited because I got the summer internship I really wanted! I'm getting to clerk with a local judge who I've heard some wonderful things about, and so excited to have the opportunity to learn under her. Also, it is such a relief to know where I will be this summer finally!

I will need to meet to discuss getting time off with her for my wedding. Right now, I'm less worried about the honeymoon -- if we can get time off for that, great, it will be icing on the cake. If not, we can maybe plan a trip later at the end of the summer but before school starts up again.

What I'm trying to figure out right now is how much time I should ask off prior to the wedding day (a Saturday). I won't need to travel, thankfully, but I will have a lot of guests coming into town who may need some directions or assistance, and I know there will be a series of things I will probably be trying to set up (making sure our music list is all DIYed, getting centerpieces delivered, contact all the vendors to confirm everything, etc) and the rehearsal will be Friday.

What's the recommendation? I was thinking of asking for 2 days (Thursday and Friday), but wanted to hear if that seemed reasonable or if I should ask for more/less based on experiences.

JCocco219 · February 2016

I am getting married Friday and I am currently sitting at my desk working (well technically I am here physically, but not mentally LOL) I am going on my HM for the next two weeks so I didn't want to take this week off as well. I have been able to finish all of the items that i DIY during the weekends and evenings and luckily my mother, FMIL and FSIL have been super helpful, as well. I think 2 days should be more than enough to get the final things organized! If you have a lot of DIY, maybe 3, but IMO 2 is enough.

pinkcow13 · February 2016

2 should be enough. I took 2 days off before my wedding, and it was definitely enough.

julieanne912 · February 2016

I got married the weekend after Labor Day weekend, so I had that Monday off. I also took off Thursday and Friday, and I'm glad I did that. I think I would have been fine to even work Monday. As long as you're organized, the 2 days should be plenty of time. I got all my DIY type stuff done the weekend before, and then my mom helped with the finishing touches on that, she arrived on Sunday. On Thursday I went in the morning with H to get our marriage license (cutting it close but he had a nasty travel schedule before the wedding), then I went with my mom to get my dress and do some last minute errands, like buying buckets to put the flowers in and buying the liquor, then mom and I went to get manis and pedis. Friday I went with my aunt to buy the flowers and worked on those with her (she's a pro florist in another state so it was more just me watching her haha!), and then in the evening we had people over to the house, no formal rehearsal or anything like that.

thisismynickname2 · February 2016

Honestly, give that it's an internship, I wouldn't ask for anything but Friday off. And even a half day at that. If you plan very far in advance, there's so much you can do well before your wedding so, in theory, you shouldn't need much time off at all.
From your list, aside from centerpiece delivery (and is that to you, or to the venue?) all that stuff can be done weeks ahead of time. And, by the way, you are not a travel agent. You don't owe anyone help with their travel. They should know stuff long before they show up anyway, because that's how adults roll.

MissKittyDanger · February 2016

I did 2 days before wedding. One day was to see one of my bridesmaids because she doesn't live in the same city, second day was to finalize things with our Judge plus if there was anything left to do. The wasn't so we just enjoyed the "quiet before the storm" lol

kvruns · February 2016

I would just take Friday off. I had a Friday wedding and worked a 1/2 Thursday since the rehearsal was that evening. In hindsight I should have taken it off because I had left some things to Thursday (pedicure, finishing our favors, BM gifts) and it barely got done in time and was kind of stressful. Now had I had the favors and gifts finished it wouldn't have been a problem

marsupalami · February 2016

I am taking the Friday off before my Sunday wedding. Mostly because Friday is my long shift and I don't want to do it.

thefanciestbeckler · February 2016

My wedding was on a Sunday, so I didn't take any days off the week before the wedding. I actually worked that Friday and left straight from work to go to my rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

ETA- if your wedding is a Saturday wedding, I would recommend taking off that Friday.

MyNameIsNot · February 2016

I took Friday off and left early on Thursday. 90% of our guests were OOT, so I wanted to be around when people got in Thursday night and Friday am. Other than that, I got my nails done and dropped a few things off, but mostly just chilled. DH just took a half day Friday, but he did end up staying up until 2 am Thursday night when his BFF got in town.

With the internship, I would be hesitant to ask for too much time. I would really feel the judge out before asking for 2 full days. In my experience, most judges are on the less flexible side of the time off spectrum.

JaxInBlue · February 2016

I agree with PPs saying that I'd be super hesitant to ask for more than Friday off. Your internship (which sounds required for your program?) seems to be something you knew you had this summer. When I supervise interns, I generally expect them to not be absent during the internship period; in my field, internship are associated with practical hours of experience and its expected you do all of the hours.

If you really feel you need two days, I'd see of you can take those work hours and reallocate them, either into doing some weekend work prior to or by extending some days before you are out. (I might even do that if you just need Friday - take the 8 hours you'd work and work 10 hour days Monday through Thursday.)

vikinganna87 · February 2016

CONGRATULATIONS on your internship! You must be very excited for that and your wedding

I think 2 days would be perfect. As for your guests coming into town and needing assistance - unless you want some extra time with them or love showing people around - I would see if you could get family members or other friends to help them out. Less important than the actual number of days off is making sure you're well-rested and relaxed and don't have too much on your plate in the days leading up to the wedding that could potentially stress you out.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

Thanks, everybody! I appreciate all the feedback! I have talked with the career service coordinators here at my school who have helped set up the internship for me (technically it's an externship, I guess) and they said it's pretty typical for law students to take a little vacation time during the summer even with internships and it shouldn't be a problem for me to ask for some time off for my wedding. Since I'll be working for a county court, working extra on weekends isn't really an option (government hours!), but as long as I fulfill 120 hours of work total over the summer, I will be okay (the position is unpaid, but if I do 120 hours I can earn 4 credit hours towards my degree). So I think I should be okay on the work side of things.

I guess I'm more concerned about time for the wedding itself. I always hear about the last minute craziness of preparing for a wedding. I'm not completely sure what that looks like for me yet. . . like, what were those last minute things you all found yourselves needing to do, and how much time do they take? I can't think of a whole lot and would be tempted to take less time, but I guess I'm worried I may be underestimating the time I need. I'm rather bad at that.

As far as guests go, you are right, @thisismynickname. I think I'm more concerned about my family themselves and the WP. A few of them will be in town a few days early on their own volition, to "get ready" for the wedding. If they are making the sacrifice of taking time off and paying to visit, I feel like I should make some time to spend some time with them. So yeah. . . feeling a bit torn determining how to juggle the week-of schedule.

badbnagdway · February 2016

It's going to depend so much on the judge. If you were at a local state court I think they'd be pretty flexible (the judges around me would be anyway), but federal court judges tend to be pretty regimented. There are many judges I know who, if you asked for a couple days off before and after a wedding even during an internship it would be no big deal. But there are a few curmudgeons out there for whom it would put a sour taste in their mouth to ask for more than a minimal amount of time. I would plan to do the honeymoon at the end of the summer before you go back to school. Getting to clerk is a huge opportunity, take full advantage and then relax at the end of the summer.

Are there other people from your school or alums who have clerked for this judge who you could chat with? Not so much as to the specific question but as to the general affability and flexibility of the judge? Can you find out what their docket schedule is? For example, our chancery court has docket call Monday mornings, our Bankruptcy court has dockets on Thursdays. For a clerk to miss a docket would be a bigger deal than just a regular day.

I took two weeks off for my wedding - the week before and the week after. I had family coming into town who I already don't get to see enough and just didn't want to feel stressed that week. It was great to spend time getting my errands done and also have a lot of time with my family (some of whom hadn't been to the city where we live) before. In reality I probably did not need that whole week but it was a luxury I could afford to have.

Edit: When I say week after that was for our honeymoon, not just random hanging out with family.

JCocco219 · February 2016

@tigerlily6 like i mentioned before I am getting married Friday and I am working today, but off tomorrow. There are a few things that have come up but I have been able to handle. I was pretty organized and had things done early. This past weekend I packed up everything and tied up loose ends so i wouldnt have to stress this week

thisismynickname2 · February 2016

tigerlily6 said:

I guess I'm more concerned about time for the wedding itself. I always hear about the last minute craziness of preparing for a wedding. I'm not completely sure what that looks like for me yet. . . like, what were those last minute things you all found yourselves needing to do, and how much time do they take? I can't think of a whole lot and would be tempted to take less time, but I guess I'm worried I may be underestimating the time I need. I'm rather bad at that.

As far as guests go, you are right, @thisismynickname. I think I'm more concerned about my family themselves and the WP. A few of them will be in town a few days early on their own volition, to "get ready" for the wedding. If they are making the sacrifice of taking time off and paying to visit, I feel like I should make some time to spend some time with them. So yeah. . . feeling a bit torn determining how to juggle the week-of schedule.

First bolded:
I don't want to get flamed here, but if there is any crazy, it's because of poor planning. Just don't be That Person who leaves stuff to the last minute. We turned in our catering numbers with the seating chart one week before the wedding, and besides dropping off our cake topper and cake cutter and favors the day before the wedding, there was absolutely nothing else to do that week. Zilch, zero, nada. Because everything was already done.

Second bolded: Eh... people know you have to work and it's important for school. If you plan accordingly, you can see these people in the evenings without worrying about other errands.
We had quite a few people travel in for ours, and not a single person asked DH or me questions. We put a lot of info on our wedding website, but otherwise, people know how to book a hotel and figure out where to park or how to take a train. This shouldn't be rocket science. You should enjoy your time with them, not coordinate them. And this all goes back to successful planning.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

Thanks again, everybody! It's helpful to hear your story, @JCocco219 -- and congratulations for this Friday!

Also, thanks to @thisismynickname. I hear all this "ahh! the days before your wedding are insane!" so often, that I was starting to feel like I was gravely oversimplifying what I'l need to be doing. I feel like a lot of the planning is in place already and I am tying up little projects ahead of time, so I think we should be good. And thanks for grounding me on guest expectations. I don't want to be a bad host, but I do feel like I need to balance my time w work, also. It's a great opportunity and even tho it sounds like this judge is a pretty friendly and understanding person, I want to make a good impression as a diligent worker.

eta: sorry for bad grammar and spelling. Typing on my phone.

spockforprez · February 2016

At my previous job I had the full week of and week after off (2 weeks total). I don't know if I can swing that at my new job, but we'll see. I am getting my braces off the Wednesday before, then will be in town Thurs and Friday to get things set up. I think it depends on the kind of wedding you're having. At a full-blown venue where everything is done for you, sure, work and take a half day Friday. My wedding is at my parents' house so we have to set up literally everything. I will definitely need the full two days.

labro · February 2016

I took two and a half days and I really needed it. Wednesday my ILs arrived, I had cleaners at the house, I dropped off welcome bags at the hotels. Thursday we had even more close relatives come in. I hardly did any DIY and I still feel like those last few days were spent in a whirlwind of final appointments (nails and spray tan), picking up my dress and dropping it off at the venue along with all the extra stuff we had for the reception and ceremony. The Thursday before I chose to host an open house for H's family since so many of them came in really early. Obviously that was optional but it was one more thing I had responsibility for. Friday was dedicated to rehearsal dinner set up (tables, chairs, and decor) because we hosted it at my parent's house, then the rehearsal, and finally the dinner itself.

I don't know. I feel like 2 days is great if your internship allows it and it won't hurt your grade or review that you'll get at the end. 1 day would definitely not have been enough for me.

SP29 · February 2016

2 days should be more than enough. The days leading up to my wedding weren't that crazy (minus my dress fiasco).

OOT guests/ family can take care of themselves. They know the location of the wedding, and it's on them to book lodgings and figure out travel.

We had a bunch of OOT guests and I did not have one wedding guest contact me prior to the wedding (beyond my friends who I'd talk to anyway). People realize you are going to be busy.

Most of that other stuff you should have finalized a week or two before the wedding (music list, confirming with vendors, etc).

Our rehearsal was the Thursday before. The ONLY thing I had to the day before my wedding was bring the candy/dishes/serve ware for the candy bar, programs and basket, and place cards down to the venue. They did the set up. Took half an hour. Oh, and buy food to eat for those getting ready with me at my mom's house. I did also go out and get nails done with a few friends the evening before (thus could have easily had the rehearsal that night if the venue allowed it).

ernursej · February 2016

Although we are having a very small (low stress) wedding, I'm still taking two days off. I like the thought of being able to sleep in (and hopefully get rid of the dark circles ... or at least minimize) and getting to relax a bit. Having a chance to see a few people before hand would be nice, but only two OOT and one is my Grandfather who has decided to come for a whole two weeks.

Clerking is tough work. Congrats on getting the position! Hopefully you'll get a good feeling about whether two days is okay or if you should revise your offer when you meet your judge.

WinstonsGirl · February 2016

We did 2 days, but we flew to Hawaii Wed night, did the marriage license Thursday morning and had Friday as a backup day. Monday (we got married) was a State holiday and I didn't know if the Dept. of Health would be open and didn't want to leave the license that late.

As we tied the wedding in with spring break, I couldn't use my 2 allowed personal days per year, so not only did I not get paid, but I had to pay for my supply teacher coverage and lost 2 days of pension, so it would have been even more expensive to take more time off. We likely would' have taken any if we had gotten married here.

lnixon8 · February 2016

I had a lot of DIY and only took off the Friday before but made sure I was at my location (1.5 hours from my house) early Friday morning.

Anything that could POSSIBLY make it easier for you to do ahead of time, do. My escort cards and boards were too fragile to completely do ahead of time but putting them into baggies alphabetically A-D; E-J, etc. helped a lot. But at the time when I was doing it 1 week ahead of time I thought I was being OCD.

Buy any dry snacks/drinks for day of or day a few days ahead (granola bars, chips, water, gatorade): better to have too much than run around buying food when your stressed (although I'm Amy Shumery and much more likely to accidentally eat 2 lunches than "forget to eat").

I'm not a fan of "emergency kits" as bridesmaid gifts or favors but extra tylenol, tampons and band aids in your purse never hurt- again ahead of time.

Knottie1454041162 · February 2016

I think you are good with 2 days. Save your larger request for a relaxing honeymoon. You are going to need it.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

Thanks everybody! The summer clerkship coordinator at my law school is apparently good personal friends with this judge, and recommends her highly as both an impressive professional to work with but also a really wonderful person in general, too. The coordinator didn't think asking for a few days off should be any issue and reassured me that I should be able to work something out. I also have a friend who worked in our court a few years ago and says the same thing, so at least so far I've received good feedback. The judge herself e-mailed me back recently and asked about my schedule, so she seems to be pretty reasonable. I have expressed that I would like the two days off before my wedding, but that I am quite flexible and willing to work more since I hope to have most of the planning done ahead of time. Fingers crossed she responds well.

I have not brought up the topic of any time off for a honeymoon yet. I figure I'll cross that bridge once I meet with her. FI and I are prepared that we may only get a weekend, and are willing to work with that if need be. Ideally, we can get a little more, but I am very excited to get this externship and would rather sacrifice a bit now if it means I can get good recomendations (and a better job) down the line. Worst case scenario we take a honeymoon during my winter break Dec. 2016- Jan. 2017 and enjoy our first Christmas married together on our own somewhere. That could be really nice.

erinlin25 · February 2016

2 days is good, but just be prepared that it is not guaranteed to be granted so be able to have plan B in case you don't get those days off. If you plan ahead and don't save things for the last minute the wedding week really should not be crazy.

We are business owners so luckily we were able to make our own schedule that week. We worked Monday/Tuesday and took Wednesday off (H spent the day at the river with his brothers/friends who came into town for the wedding and I got my hair done, pedicure, etc). I had everything ready for the wedding so got to relax which was really nice. We had a family dinner Wednesday night for H's side of the family (where we lived). Thursday I left to the wedding city early to meet my parents (we got married about 1.5 hours away) to finish up last minute vendor meetings and H met me down there prior to the rehearsal dinner. We got married on Friday and took the following Monday/Tuesday off to have a "mini moon" since we were not going on a honeymoon right away.

STARMOON44 · February 2016

tigerlily6 said:

Thanks everybody! The summer clerkship coordinator at my law school is apparently good personal friends with this judge, and recommends her highly as both an impressive professional to work with but also a really wonderful person in general, too. The coordinator didn't think asking for a few days off should be any issue and reassured me that I should be able to work something out. I also have a friend who worked in our court a few years ago and says the same thing, so at least so far I've received good feedback. The judge herself e-mailed me back recently and asked about my schedule, so she seems to be pretty reasonable. I have expressed that I would like the two days off before my wedding, but that I am quite flexible and willing to work more since I hope to have most of the planning done ahead of time. Fingers crossed she responds well.

I have not brought up the topic of any time off for a honeymoon yet. I figure I'll cross that bridge once I meet with her. FI and I are prepared that we may only get a weekend, and are willing to work with that if need be. Ideally, we can get a little more, but I am very excited to get this externship and would rather sacrifice a bit now if it means I can get good recomendations (and a better job) down the line. Worst case scenario we take a honeymoon during my winter break Dec. 2016- Jan. 2017 and enjoy our first Christmas married together on our own somewhere. That could be really nice.

I wouldn't ask for time for a honeymoon, except maybe the Monday after. Summer externships with judges don't usually run from the day classes end until they day they start. I'd try and squeeze it into that gap. When I did this the expectation was very clear that you shouldn't be taking vacation during a 10-12 week job.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

STARMOON44 said:

tigerlily6 said:

Thanks everybody! The summer clerkship coordinator at my law school is apparently good personal friends with this judge, and recommends her highly as both an impressive professional to work with but also a really wonderful person in general, too. The coordinator didn't think asking for a few days off should be any issue and reassured me that I should be able to work something out. I also have a friend who worked in our court a few years ago and says the same thing, so at least so far I've received good feedback. The judge herself e-mailed me back recently and asked about my schedule, so she seems to be pretty reasonable. I have expressed that I would like the two days off before my wedding, but that I am quite flexible and willing to work more since I hope to have most of the planning done ahead of time. Fingers crossed she responds well.

I have not brought up the topic of any time off for a honeymoon yet. I figure I'll cross that bridge once I meet with her. FI and I are prepared that we may only get a weekend, and are willing to work with that if need be. Ideally, we can get a little more, but I am very excited to get this externship and would rather sacrifice a bit now if it means I can get good recomendations (and a better job) down the line. Worst case scenario we take a honeymoon during my winter break Dec. 2016- Jan. 2017 and enjoy our first Christmas married together on our own somewhere. That could be really nice.

I wouldn't ask for time for a honeymoon, except maybe the Monday after. Summer externships with judges don't usually run from the day classes end until they day they start. I'd try and squeeze it into that gap. When I did this the expectation was very clear that you shouldn't be taking vacation during a 10-12 week job.

Thanks, @STARMOON44. Yeah, I am waiting to hear when the externship will actually run until, so we can make plans to take a small trip then before school starts up. The Monday after the wedding is already a holiday (it's the 4th of July) so we at least have a day to ourselves before going back to work.

I did email the judge, and she was incredibly supportive. Turns out our wedding date is going to be the same as her anniversary, and she'll be on vacation. So she was told me taking a day or two before the wedding would be no problem.

badbnagdway · February 2016

tigerlily6 said:

STARMOON44 said:

tigerlily6 said:

Thanks everybody! The summer clerkship coordinator at my law school is apparently good personal friends with this judge, and recommends her highly as both an impressive professional to work with but also a really wonderful person in general, too. The coordinator didn't think asking for a few days off should be any issue and reassured me that I should be able to work something out. I also have a friend who worked in our court a few years ago and says the same thing, so at least so far I've received good feedback. The judge herself e-mailed me back recently and asked about my schedule, so she seems to be pretty reasonable. I have expressed that I would like the two days off before my wedding, but that I am quite flexible and willing to work more since I hope to have most of the planning done ahead of time. Fingers crossed she responds well.

I have not brought up the topic of any time off for a honeymoon yet. I figure I'll cross that bridge once I meet with her. FI and I are prepared that we may only get a weekend, and are willing to work with that if need be. Ideally, we can get a little more, but I am very excited to get this externship and would rather sacrifice a bit now if it means I can get good recomendations (and a better job) down the line. Worst case scenario we take a honeymoon during my winter break Dec. 2016- Jan. 2017 and enjoy our first Christmas married together on our own somewhere. That could be really nice.

I wouldn't ask for time for a honeymoon, except maybe the Monday after. Summer externships with judges don't usually run from the day classes end until they day they start. I'd try and squeeze it into that gap. When I did this the expectation was very clear that you shouldn't be taking vacation during a 10-12 week job.

Thanks, @STARMOON44. Yeah, I am waiting to hear when the externship will actually run until, so we can make plans to take a small trip then before school starts up. The Monday after the wedding is already a holiday (it's the 4th of July) so we at least have a day to ourselves before going back to work.

I did email the judge, and she was incredibly supportive. Turns out our wedding date is going to be the same as her anniversary, and she'll be on vacation. So she was told me taking a day or two before the wedding would be no problem.

Yeah I agree with @STARMOON44 on honeymoon timing. It's great that you'll have that Monday off anyway and I would just do a very mini-moon of hanging out at a hotel or spa together and relaxing and then take a trip at the end of the summer. Most law schools let out by mid-May and start back up late August/early September.

I didn't do a judicial internship or clerkship but I worked both of my summers during law school. 1L summer I worked for maybe 9-10 weeks at legal aid (lots of time off before and after) and the other I worked at two different jobs, one large law firm for 6 weeks and the clinic at my school for 6 weeks. I also had to move several times each summer because other than the clinic I was working 200+ miles from where I went to school. Even with moving and working at two different places in one summer I still had a week or so at the end of the summer before school started.

Don't get me wrong, law school can be tough sometimes, but man, I miss all that vacation time of being a student.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

We get out of school May 6th this year (FI graduates from his program May 7th) and then we start classes again Aug. 16th. I still have yet to figure out when my clerkship "ends" (I think it's a bit arbitrary so long as I get 120 hours in, from what it sounds to me). Hopefully I could get maybe the week before we start classes. If that's possible, FI and I would really like to buy plane tickets sooner rather than later to save some money, but I guess this is part of the waiting game figuring all this stuff out.

STARMOON44 · February 2016

tigerlily6 said:

We get out of school May 6th this year (FI graduates from his program May 7th) and then we start classes again Aug. 16th. I still have yet to figure out when my clerkship "ends" (I think it's a bit arbitrary so long as I get 120 hours in, from what it sounds to me). Hopefully I could get maybe the week before we start classes. If that's possible, FI and I would really like to buy plane tickets sooner rather than later to save some money, but I guess this is part of the waiting game figuring all this stuff out.

Don't forget any on campus interviews, if applicable. Ours were all the week before classes start and there's really no flexibility.

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