Wedding Party

FMIL & FSIL Trouble

First some background on the situation. My FI is one of 6 children (4 sisters, 1 brother) so needless to say I knew going into our relationship that things weren't always going to be smooth sailing...

FI and I knew very early on we wanted to get married (we got engaged 10 months after dating), so he really encouraged me to get close with his mom and sisters. I got along great with his mom and 3 of the 4 sisters. The youngest has never liked me since day one, despite my best efforts to connect with her.

Fast forward through the youngest's countless passive aggressive (and some not so passive) Facebook statuses, Twitter posts, snide comments at family events, and even a full-blown temper tantrum at a birthday party about what she finds wrong with me. Despite her best efforts I still got along well with FMIL and the other 3 FSILs. They were all very supportive of our relationship, called me their sister, I knew they were going to be bridesmaids at our wedding.

A few months ago there was a very big fight between FI, FMIL, the problematic FSIL, and a FSIL I had always been close with. FMIL and FSILs essentially attacked FI about everything they found wrong with me and that I was ruining the family (never mind the fact that FI and I bent over backwards to help when relatives died, when FSIL was hospitalized after a suicide attempt, when FBIL's girlfriend broke his jaw, and more). FI, being the amazing man that he is, told them where they could stick their opinions and we declined seeing them over Christmas.

After a month or so the entire situation was swept under the rug with a half-hearted apology on FMIL's part and a very confusing, crying apology from the FSIL I had been close to. Problematic FSIL continues to act like a 13 year old despite the fact that she is 22.

FI has 2 other sisters, one who lives in Missouri and one who is married with kids. The FSIL who lives in Missouri is fairly separated from the drama and has always been kind and polite to me. However, she is very close to the youngest FSIL and I am very concerned that though she is nice to my face, she feels the same way as the youngest FSIL does about me. The oldest FSIL and I are very close. She and her husband have done nothing but love FI and me, support us, and encourage us to ignore the drama. 

Finally to the point of this post: do I have to include FI's sisters in my wedding? The last thing I want to do is cause more drama or regret the decision a few years down the road, but I don't trust any of them (oldest FSIL excluded; she is a bridesmaid, her husband is an usher, and her sons are the ring bearers). My worry is that they and FMIL will continue to cause drama and be toxic during what is supposed to be a very happy time. I also worry that on my wedding day they will purposefully cause issues. A bridesmaid is supposed to be a person who loves you and supports your marriage; at the end of the day I'm just not sure I want these women standing up with me. 

Re: FMIL & FSIL Trouble

  • BitsyBee said:
    First some background on the situation. My FI is one of 6 children (4 sisters, 1 brother) so needless to say I knew going into our relationship that things weren't always going to be smooth sailing...

    FI and I knew very early on we wanted to get married (we got engaged 10 months after dating), so he really encouraged me to get close with his mom and sisters. I got along great with his mom and 3 of the 4 sisters. The youngest has never liked me since day one, despite my best efforts to connect with her.

    Fast forward through the youngest's countless passive aggressive (and some not so passive) Facebook statuses, Twitter posts, snide comments at family events, and even a full-blown temper tantrum at a birthday party about what she finds wrong with me. Despite her best efforts I still got along well with FMIL and the other 3 FSILs. They were all very supportive of our relationship, called me their sister, I knew they were going to be bridesmaids at our wedding.

    A few months ago there was a very big fight between FI, FMIL, the problematic FSIL, and a FSIL I had always been close with. FMIL and FSILs essentially attacked FI about everything they found wrong with me and that I was ruining the family (never mind the fact that FI and I bent over backwards to help when relatives died, when FSIL was hospitalized after a suicide attempt, when FBIL's girlfriend broke his jaw, and more). FI, being the amazing man that he is, told them where they could stick their opinions and we declined seeing them over Christmas.

    After a month or so the entire situation was swept under the rug with a half-hearted apology on FMIL's part and a very confusing, crying apology from the FSIL I had been close to. Problematic FSIL continues to act like a 13 year old despite the fact that she is 22.

    FI has 2 other sisters, one who lives in Missouri and one who is married with kids. The FSIL who lives in Missouri is fairly separated from the drama and has always been kind and polite to me. However, she is very close to the youngest FSIL and I am very concerned that though she is nice to my face, she feels the same way as the youngest FSIL does about me. The oldest FSIL and I are very close. She and her husband have done nothing but love FI and me, support us, and encourage us to ignore the drama. 

    Finally to the point of this post: do I have to include FI's sisters in my wedding? The last thing I want to do is cause more drama or regret the decision a few years down the road, but I don't trust any of them (oldest FSIL excluded; she is a bridesmaid, her husband is an usher, and her sons are the ring bearers). My worry is that they and FMIL will continue to cause drama and be toxic during what is supposed to be a very happy time. I also worry that on my wedding day they will purposefully cause issues. A bridesmaid is supposed to be a person who loves you and supports your marriage; at the end of the day I'm just not sure I want these women standing up with me. 
    If you have already asked someone to be a bridesmaid, you cannot un-ask them.  If you haven't yet asked, you don't HAVE to have ANYone in your bridal party.  Whether or not they are bridesmaids, they don't have to be involved in your wedding any more than you want them to be.  Tell them your wedding color and to choose a dress of whatever style or length in the chosen color (i.e. Any dark blue dress.)  Then, all they have to do is show up in chosen attire on the day of the wedding, walk up and down the aisle, smile for pictures, and done.
  • Have you asked any of them to be bms, yet? If you haven't, don't. Or just ask the one sister who has always be kind to you. Once you ask, you're stuck.


                       
  • You do not have to ask anyone to be in your wedding party that you don't want to include. It sounds like these women will make you nervous before the wedding and that it wouldn't mean that much to you to have them standing there with you during the wedding. If that's the case, you shouldn't ask them. 
    If it matters to FI to include them, he can have them on his side. 


    image
  • As long as you haven't already asked them to be in your wedding party, you can ask or not as you see fit. If you've already asked them, then unasking them would be a friendship-ending move. 
  • You can decide for yourself who you want as a BM but remember there are consequences for your choice. These people seem like drama and by only involving one sister, know that it sounds like these people will complain or gossip about it. Personally I wouldn't involve any of them.


  • BitsyBee said:
    First some background on the situation. My FI is one of 6 children (4 sisters, 1 brother) so needless to say I knew going into our relationship that things weren't always going to be smooth sailing...
    Just commenting on this part - what? Just because people have siblings (a few or several) doesn't mean that you are necessarily in competition with or going to have problems with said siblings. You have problems when people (you or others) are immature and can't get along like adults. My siblings and DH's siblings are all fantastic, including my very mature 18 year old sister.
    I thought the same thing! I have 3 sisters and two brothers (ages between 16-31) and they get along great with my FI. My FI has just ONE sister and she is 100% a nightmare (demanded we couldn't get married in 2015 because it was "her year"). It doesn't matter how many siblings some has at all.
  • Unless you've already asked them, no, you don't have to ask them to be bridesmaids. If your fiancé wants them in the WP, he can ask them to be groomsmaids and stand on his side.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • adk19 said:
    BitsyBee said:
    First some background on the situation. My FI is one of 6 children (4 sisters, 1 brother) so needless to say I knew going into our relationship that things weren't always going to be smooth sailing...

    FI and I knew very early on we wanted to get married (we got engaged 10 months after dating), so he really encouraged me to get close with his mom and sisters. I got along great with his mom and 3 of the 4 sisters. The youngest has never liked me since day one, despite my best efforts to connect with her.

    Fast forward through the youngest's countless passive aggressive (and some not so passive) Facebook statuses, Twitter posts, snide comments at family events, and even a full-blown temper tantrum at a birthday party about what she finds wrong with me. Despite her best efforts I still got along well with FMIL and the other 3 FSILs. They were all very supportive of our relationship, called me their sister, I knew they were going to be bridesmaids at our wedding.

    A few months ago there was a very big fight between FI, FMIL, the problematic FSIL, and a FSIL I had always been close with. FMIL and FSILs essentially attacked FI about everything they found wrong with me and that I was ruining the family (never mind the fact that FI and I bent over backwards to help when relatives died, when FSIL was hospitalized after a suicide attempt, when FBIL's girlfriend broke his jaw, and more). FI, being the amazing man that he is, told them where they could stick their opinions and we declined seeing them over Christmas.

    After a month or so the entire situation was swept under the rug with a half-hearted apology on FMIL's part and a very confusing, crying apology from the FSIL I had been close to. Problematic FSIL continues to act like a 13 year old despite the fact that she is 22.

    FI has 2 other sisters, one who lives in Missouri and one who is married with kids. The FSIL who lives in Missouri is fairly separated from the drama and has always been kind and polite to me. However, she is very close to the youngest FSIL and I am very concerned that though she is nice to my face, she feels the same way as the youngest FSIL does about me. The oldest FSIL and I are very close. She and her husband have done nothing but love FI and me, support us, and encourage us to ignore the drama. 

    Finally to the point of this post: do I have to include FI's sisters in my wedding? The last thing I want to do is cause more drama or regret the decision a few years down the road, but I don't trust any of them (oldest FSIL excluded; she is a bridesmaid, her husband is an usher, and her sons are the ring bearers). My worry is that they and FMIL will continue to cause drama and be toxic during what is supposed to be a very happy time. I also worry that on my wedding day they will purposefully cause issues. A bridesmaid is supposed to be a person who loves you and supports your marriage; at the end of the day I'm just not sure I want these women standing up with me. 
    If you have already asked someone to be a bridesmaid, you cannot un-ask them.  If you haven't yet asked, you don't HAVE to have ANYone in your bridal party.  Whether or not they are bridesmaids, they don't have to be involved in your wedding any more than you want them to be.  Tell them your wedding color and to choose a dress of whatever style or length in the chosen color (i.e. Any dark blue dress.)  Then, all they have to do is show up in chosen attire on the day of the wedding, walk up and down the aisle, smile for pictures, and done.
    If they are not in your WP, you do not dictate any aspect of their clothing.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker





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