Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Gay Weddings
Gay Weddings
New Discussion

Inviting FW's xW -- nervous

OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
in Gay Weddings
My FW is trans*, and while this will be her third marriage, it will be her first as a woman. She has a 6-year-old daughter from her second marriage. Her D lives out of state with her xW and her new H, so we haven't met yet. I've talked to her on FaceTime and on the phone, and FW and I send letters, cards, and packages. XW has always been pleasant to me, but her relationship with FW can be contentious. FW pays child support faithfully, calls and FaceTimes consistently, and visits a few times a year. 

I'm delighted at the possibility of finally meeting my stepdaughter face to face, but I worry about repercussions for my FW. I'm totally on board with inviting the xW and her H; any suggestions for how to make the process easier on all involved.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Inviting FW's xW -- nervous

  • justsiejustsie member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What does your FI think about inviting her? Are you going to get to meet your future stepdaughter before the day of the wedding? I would think that finding some more private time to do that would be important. Honestly outside of saying "thank you" to them for coming to the wedding you and your FI don't have to have a lot of interaction during the wedding. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    My FI wants to invite her as well; she's the one who brought it up. I agreed.

    I'd like it if they came early so we could have some private time to meet and get to know each other.
    Report Reply
  • glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If they are able to be in the local area earlier than the wedding maybe an informal meet up like going out for pizza or ice cream would help to break the ice with your future SD. Nothing too formal or pressurised. Unless your FI's ex wife needs to be there for the duration of meeting beforehand you guys probably won't have a whole lot of situations in which you really have to spend time together. So that part hopefully won't be stressful for you, I'd focus on meeting your FI's daughter. FI needs to speak to her ex to work out the details. 

    I'm curious though, what kind of repercussions are you worried about?
                 
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I, too, am curious about these repercussions. Is the ex going to be upset about this marriage for some reason? Use the child as a pawn somehow?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    I, too, am curious about these repercussions. Is the ex going to be upset about this marriage for some reason? Use the child as a pawn somehow?
    That's exactly what I worry about: my future SD being used as a pawn. 
    Report Reply
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    glasgowtolondon said:
    If they are able to be in the local area earlier than the wedding maybe an informal meet up like going out for pizza or ice cream would help to break the ice with your future SD. Nothing too formal or pressurised. Unless your FI's ex wife needs to be there for the duration of meeting beforehand you guys probably won't have a whole lot of situations in which you really have to spend time together. So that part hopefully won't be stressful for you, I'd focus on meeting your FI's daughter. FI needs to speak to her ex to work out the details. 

    I'm curious though, what kind of repercussions are you worried about?
    I'm all for a low-key meetup before the wedding to help break the ice.
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    And you think that's going to happen if you meet her? I'm confused. You're getting married. If the ex is going to use the daughter as a pawn, she is going to do that regardless. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If the ex wife if going to use your SD as a pawn there isn't really much you can do about that except to try not to stoop to that level. I certainly wouldn't stop planning any meet ups or hold back on trying to build a relationship with this little girl on the chance that your fears are realised. You never know, people can surprise you - I have my fingers crossed for you.
                 
    Report Reply
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited February 2016
    Just an update: first week of April, the two of us are going south to visit with FMIL and take care of some business that FW has there, so we may have an opportunity to visit with future SD as well!  :)

    This will also be my first time meeting FMIL. We talk on the phone and Facebook regularly, and we get along very well. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards