How to word RSVP

marsupalami · February 2016

I am making my invite suite and need to finish my RSVP card to have everything printed. I need help wording it so it's not to wordy.
I want to include we have reserved _seats in your honor
be able to have the guests names listed
njmber of children (but not childrens meals)
and dietary restrictions.

ILoveBeachMusic · February 2016

If you are including the children in your invites, why are you saying you have reserved a number of seats in their honor? I usually see people saying they are doing this to avoid people bringing their uninvited children. If you aren't doing children's meals, I wouldn't ask for the number of children. For dietary restrictions, we put my (MOB) email for people to send them to me since we didn't want to list every restriction possible. No one contacted me (we knew of the MOH's restriction already).

MyNameIsNot · February 2016

If you include the names, there's no reason for # seats. You'll know the number of children by who they check. (You can change the options and add kosher or vegan or whatever you expect a lot of.) You'd put:

Marge Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines
Homer Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines
Lisa Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines
Bart Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines

*Please contact us at email with dietary restrictions

marsupalami · February 2016

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

marsupalami · February 2016

Can I not just put dietary restrictions and leave a place for them to write?

Jen4948 · February 2016

MyNameIsNot said:

If you include the names, there's no reason for # seats. You'll know the number of children by who they check. (You can change the options and add kosher or vegan or whatever you expect a lot of.) You'd put:

Marge Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines
Homer Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines
Lisa Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines
Bart Simpson ___beef ___chicken ___declines

*Please contact us at email with dietary restrictions

Even if you include the names, someone might write in the name of someone who isn't invited. Indicating that there are only # seats available for all the people listed will hopefully indicate that only those persons listed are actually invited.

Jen4948 · February 2016

marsupalami said:

Can I not just put dietary restrictions and leave a place for them to write?

You can do that but you're opening the door for various demands for free-range, vegan, allergic, won't eat this, can't eat that, etc. that you might not be able to accommodate. By indicating what kinds of meals you are serving, you're letting your guests know what will be available so they can plan their own dietary needs accordingly.

MyNameIsNot · February 2016

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Jen4948 · February 2016

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

You may never have seen it, but it does happen. Making clear that there are only 4 seats for 4 people should discourage guests from trying it, although yes, there will be some stubborn people who won't understand and need to be told directly, "We can't accommodate these extra people you've listed in your RSVP. That's why it says that only 4 seats have been reserved for you-because only your family of 4 is included in the invitation."

MobKaz · February 2016

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Anyone who intends on being stupid and rude will find a way to do so. My husband's nephew and wife added a lovely note to the bottom of their RSVP to my daughter's wedding. It said, "We are bringing toddler but don't worry about food or a place for her to sit. She will sit on our lap. We will bring her own food."

We considered ourselves lucky because at another wedding long ago, his parents brought their 2 unannounced children to a wedding they knew without a doubt was a child free wedding.

MyNameIsNot · February 2016

MobKaz said:

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Anyone who intends on being stupid and rude will find a way to do so. My husband's nephew and wife added a lovely note to the bottom of their RSVP to my daughter's wedding. It said, "We are bringing toddler but don't worry about food or a place for her to sit. She will sit on our lap. We will bring her own food."

We considered ourselves lucky because at another wedding long ago, his parents brought their 2 unannounced children to a wedding they knew without a doubt was a child free wedding.

And that couple would have ignored the 2 seats have been reserved anyway. If the toddler didn't need a place to sit, why would the "2 seats" have deterred them?

It's redundant to include both the number of places and the names.

Jen4948 · February 2016

MyNameIsNot said:

MobKaz said:

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Anyone who intends on being stupid and rude will find a way to do so. My husband's nephew and wife added a lovely note to the bottom of their RSVP to my daughter's wedding. It said, "We are bringing toddler but don't worry about food or a place for her to sit. She will sit on our lap. We will bring her own food."

We considered ourselves lucky because at another wedding long ago, his parents brought their 2 unannounced children to a wedding they knew without a doubt was a child free wedding.

And that couple would have ignored the 2 seats have been reserved anyway. If the toddler didn't need a place to sit, why would the "2 seats" have deterred them?

It's redundant to include both the number of places and the names.

I disagree. Sure, rude people are going to be rude, but for polite people, it establishes that 2 places have been available for 2 named guests, and nobody else. If John and Mary Smith are invited, Mary can't bring Jane Doe simply because John isn't available instead.

MobKaz · February 2016

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

MobKaz said:

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Anyone who intends on being stupid and rude will find a way to do so. My husband's nephew and wife added a lovely note to the bottom of their RSVP to my daughter's wedding. It said, "We are bringing toddler but don't worry about food or a place for her to sit. She will sit on our lap. We will bring her own food."

We considered ourselves lucky because at another wedding long ago, his parents brought their 2 unannounced children to a wedding they knew without a doubt was a child free wedding.

And that couple would have ignored the 2 seats have been reserved anyway. If the toddler didn't need a place to sit, why would the "2 seats" have deterred them?

It's redundant to include both the number of places and the names.

I disagree. Sure, rude people are going to be rude, but for polite people, it establishes that 2 places have been available for 2 named guests, and nobody else. If John and Mary Smith are invited, Mary can't bring Jane Doe simply because John isn't available instead.

@MyNameIsNot, I personally feel that less is more on an RSVP. I like to think that most people know how to read an envelope. I have not required a number to guide me when receiving an invitation, nor have I needed my name printed on the RSVP. I agree that it is redundant to include both the name of the guest and the number of guests invited.

Our RSVP's simply read:
M______________________________________
Will Attend__________ Will Not Attend____________

Our only issue was with our "write in" guests.

@Jen4948, we have seen on the boards more than once that specific names written on the RSVP are not a deterrent either. Mary Smith has indeed asked if she can bring Jane Doe when John Smith is unable to attend. Mary's logic is that "two seats" have been reserved, so what difference does it make who sits in that second seat.

My point is that you can spend hours agonizing on what to print on an RSVP. There will always be THAT guest who will try manipulating it regardless of how it is worded or spelled out.

MyNameIsNot · February 2016

MobKaz said:

ply because John isn't available instead.

@MyNameIsNot, I personally feel that less is more on an RSVP. I like to think that most people know how to read an envelope. I have not required a number to guide me when receiving an invitation, nor have I needed my name printed on the RSVP. I agree that it is redundant to include both the name of the guest and the number of guests invited.

Our RSVP's simply read:
M______________________________________
Will Attend__________ Will Not Attend____________

Our only issue was with our "write in" guests.

@Jen4948, we have seen on the boards more than once that specific names written on the RSVP are not a deterrent either. Mary Smith has indeed asked if she can bring Jane Doe when John Smith is unable to attend. Mary's logic is that "two seats" have been reserved, so what difference does it make who sits in that second seat.

My point is that you can spend hours agonizing on what to print on an RSVP. There will always be THAT guest who will try manipulating it regardless of how it is worded or spelled out.

I agree with you that less is more on an RSVP, and I prefer to do it the way you did. I personally did not feel the need to include the names or the number of guests, and had no issues. Still, OP wants to put the names, and that's fine too.

I guess what I'm getting at is that if she's going to list out the names, adding another line with the number of seats is redundant, serves no purpose, and makes it cluttered. You're right that you have to assume that most people know how to read an invitation, and no matter what you do, you're going to have to deal with people being people.

Jen4948 · February 2016

MobKaz said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

MobKaz said:

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Anyone who intends on being stupid and rude will find a way to do so. My husband's nephew and wife added a lovely note to the bottom of their RSVP to my daughter's wedding. It said, "We are bringing toddler but don't worry about food or a place for her to sit. She will sit on our lap. We will bring her own food."

We considered ourselves lucky because at another wedding long ago, his parents brought their 2 unannounced children to a wedding they knew without a doubt was a child free wedding.

And that couple would have ignored the 2 seats have been reserved anyway. If the toddler didn't need a place to sit, why would the "2 seats" have deterred them?

It's redundant to include both the number of places and the names.

I disagree. Sure, rude people are going to be rude, but for polite people, it establishes that 2 places have been available for 2 named guests, and nobody else. If John and Mary Smith are invited, Mary can't bring Jane Doe simply because John isn't available instead.

@MyNameIsNot, I personally feel that less is more on an RSVP. I like to think that most people know how to read an envelope. I have not required a number to guide me when receiving an invitation, nor have I needed my name printed on the RSVP. I agree that it is redundant to include both the name of the guest and the number of guests invited.

Our RSVP's simply read:
M______________________________________
Will Attend__________ Will Not Attend____________

Our only issue was with our "write in" guests.

@Jen4948, we have seen on the boards more than once that specific names written on the RSVP are not a deterrent either. Mary Smith has indeed asked if she can bring Jane Doe when John Smith is unable to attend. Mary's logic is that "two seats" have been reserved, so what difference does it make who sits in that second seat.

My point is that you can spend hours agonizing on what to print on an RSVP. There will always be THAT guest who will try manipulating it regardless of how it is worded or spelled out.

True, but my advice was not aimed at how to keep "that" guest from trying it. It was aimed at letting reasonable guests know exactly who in the invitation is being accommodated-and that nobody else is.

MobKaz · February 2016

Jen4948 said:

MobKaz said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

MobKaz said:

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Anyone who intends on being stupid and rude will find a way to do so. My husband's nephew and wife added a lovely note to the bottom of their RSVP to my daughter's wedding. It said, "We are bringing toddler but don't worry about food or a place for her to sit. She will sit on our lap. We will bring her own food."

We considered ourselves lucky because at another wedding long ago, his parents brought their 2 unannounced children to a wedding they knew without a doubt was a child free wedding.

And that couple would have ignored the 2 seats have been reserved anyway. If the toddler didn't need a place to sit, why would the "2 seats" have deterred them?

It's redundant to include both the number of places and the names.

I disagree. Sure, rude people are going to be rude, but for polite people, it establishes that 2 places have been available for 2 named guests, and nobody else. If John and Mary Smith are invited, Mary can't bring Jane Doe simply because John isn't available instead.

@MyNameIsNot, I personally feel that less is more on an RSVP. I like to think that most people know how to read an envelope. I have not required a number to guide me when receiving an invitation, nor have I needed my name printed on the RSVP. I agree that it is redundant to include both the name of the guest and the number of guests invited.

Our RSVP's simply read:
M______________________________________
Will Attend__________ Will Not Attend____________

Our only issue was with our "write in" guests.

@Jen4948, we have seen on the boards more than once that specific names written on the RSVP are not a deterrent either. Mary Smith has indeed asked if she can bring Jane Doe when John Smith is unable to attend. Mary's logic is that "two seats" have been reserved, so what difference does it make who sits in that second seat.

My point is that you can spend hours agonizing on what to print on an RSVP. There will always be THAT guest who will try manipulating it regardless of how it is worded or spelled out.

True, but my advice was not aimed at how to keep "that" guest from trying it. It was aimed at letting reasonable guests know exactly who in the invitation is being accommodated-and that nobody else is.

Reasonable guests will know how to read and interpret a simple and properly written invitation and RSVP.

Jen4948 · February 2016

MobKaz said:

Jen4948 said:

MobKaz said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

MobKaz said:

MyNameIsNot said:

marsupalami said:

I'm including childrens because children eating in the buffet get a different price than adults so I need to know how many children as the venue is pay per person
I need -/- seats reserved because I have lots of guests who are single and we are not extending plus knew ones and don't want it assumed they can.

Right, but you can tell how many children by which names they check. You already know that Bart and Lisa are children, so if they are attending, you count 2 children.

Contrary to PP's statement, I've never heard of anyone writing in an extra name in. Putting the names is a subtle way of reminding them of exactly who is invited. If a person has the audacity to write an extra name that wasn't printed on there, writing 1 seat is not likely to deter them.

Anyone who intends on being stupid and rude will find a way to do so. My husband's nephew and wife added a lovely note to the bottom of their RSVP to my daughter's wedding. It said, "We are bringing toddler but don't worry about food or a place for her to sit. She will sit on our lap. We will bring her own food."

We considered ourselves lucky because at another wedding long ago, his parents brought their 2 unannounced children to a wedding they knew without a doubt was a child free wedding.

And that couple would have ignored the 2 seats have been reserved anyway. If the toddler didn't need a place to sit, why would the "2 seats" have deterred them?

It's redundant to include both the number of places and the names.

I disagree. Sure, rude people are going to be rude, but for polite people, it establishes that 2 places have been available for 2 named guests, and nobody else. If John and Mary Smith are invited, Mary can't bring Jane Doe simply because John isn't available instead.

@MyNameIsNot, I personally feel that less is more on an RSVP. I like to think that most people know how to read an envelope. I have not required a number to guide me when receiving an invitation, nor have I needed my name printed on the RSVP. I agree that it is redundant to include both the name of the guest and the number of guests invited.

Our RSVP's simply read:
M______________________________________
Will Attend__________ Will Not Attend____________

Our only issue was with our "write in" guests.

@Jen4948, we have seen on the boards more than once that specific names written on the RSVP are not a deterrent either. Mary Smith has indeed asked if she can bring Jane Doe when John Smith is unable to attend. Mary's logic is that "two seats" have been reserved, so what difference does it make who sits in that second seat.

My point is that you can spend hours agonizing on what to print on an RSVP. There will always be THAT guest who will try manipulating it regardless of how it is worded or spelled out.

True, but my advice was not aimed at how to keep "that" guest from trying it. It was aimed at letting reasonable guests know exactly who in the invitation is being accommodated-and that nobody else is.

Reasonable guests will know how to read and interpret a simple and properly written invitation and RSVP.

If that were a given, reasonable people wouldn't be asking how to word invitations or who is included in them. I don't agree with you that they will automatically know just because they're "reasonable."

marsupalami · February 2016

Here's the thing I want to be super specific. Ever wedding in the family has been a free for all. Bring whoever open seating etc. this is not the case for my wedding.
Im not extending plus ones to single adult cousins (and I want to be clear on that)
I also want to know if I invite aunt and uncle and their six kids and they only RSVP 3 I want to know which 3 are coming

this is why I want all the information. Not because I don't think my families not reasonable but because we are doing something that my family hasn't done before.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

marsupalami said:

Here's the thing I want to be super specific. Ever wedding in the family has been a free for all. Bring whoever open seating etc. this is not the case for my wedding.
Im not extending plus ones to single adult cousins (and I want to be clear on that)
I also want to know if I invite aunt and uncle and their six kids and they only RSVP 3 I want to know which 3 are coming

this is why I want all the information. Not because I don't think my families not reasonable but because we are doing something that my family hasn't done before.

I just want to double check one thing. When you say that you're "not extending plus ones to single adult cousins" what does "single" mean to you? Because, technically, I'm single. As in, I am not married and I check the 'single' box on my tax forms. I'm not even engaged. But I have a boyfriend. Of more than 7 years. We own a house together. He attends all social events with me. You're inviting him with me, right? And my other cousin who just started seeing a guy in her new town? They've only been dating for 2 or 3 months, but they're exclusive. They attend social events together. You're inviting him, by name, also, right? I'm just checking to make sure our definitions of 'single' are the same.

marsupalami · February 2016

Single as in no relationship

doclago · February 2016

Your RSVP should be simple.
Regretfully decline or happily accept with a line for the number of people.
If you have menu stuff you need to sort out then list the choices and have them write the number or people for each choice. This RSVP will liekly need to be bigger than the typical response card.
Alternatively, You can provide a website or email address for people to contact you with restrictions.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

doclago said:

Your RSVP should be simple.
Regretfully decline or happily accept with a line for the number of people.
If you have menu stuff you need to sort out then list the choices and have them write the number or people for each choice. This RSVP will liekly need to be bigger than the typical response card.
Alternatively, You can provide a website or email address for people to contact you with restrictions.

No. Don't tell me how I should be feeling about declining or accepting. Maybe I don't really like you, but my FH wants to attend, so I'm actually "regretfully accepting". Or maybe I'm "happily declining" because your wedding is going to be a giant clusterfuck and I'm happy to be missing it.

Jen4948 · February 2016

adk19 said:

doclago said:

Your RSVP should be simple.
Regretfully decline or happily accept with a line for the number of people.
If you have menu stuff you need to sort out then list the choices and have them write the number or people for each choice. This RSVP will liekly need to be bigger than the typical response card.
Alternatively, You can provide a website or email address for people to contact you with restrictions.

No. Don't tell me how I should be feeling about declining or accepting. Maybe I don't really like you, but my FH wants to attend, so I'm actually "regretfully accepting". Or maybe I'm "happily declining" because your wedding is going to be a giant clusterfuck and I'm happy to be missing it.

Exactly. Our state of mind on accepting or declining invitations is our own to determine - not the hosts'.

How to word RSVP

Re: How to word RSVP

Choose Another Board

Search Boards