Wedding Woes

Poll: Have you ever 'ghosted' someone?

mrsconn23mrsconn23
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
member
edited February 2016 in Wedding Woes
Ghosting = dumping someone by dropping off the face of the earth and not responding to any contact attempt by them

Poll: Have you ever 'ghosted' someone? 48 votes

Once
29% 14 votes
Two or three times
25% 12 votes
It's how I end every relationship
4% 2 votes
Never
39% 19 votes
Let me tell you how I'm special
2% 1 vote

Re: Poll: Have you ever 'ghosted' someone?

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    Just the once. And sadly, that was my most graceful breakup.
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    spockforprez
  • I did it a few times, I think. 

    One time was after a guy I was seeing showed up uninvited to a night out with my friends (we were at a club), got uber-drunk, begged me to take him home, cussed me out on the street when I refused to the point where people were stepping in to tell him to leave me alone, and then blew up my phone with several nasty VM's in a row at 4am.  

    One guy was a bad kisser, another guy was a recovering alcoholic and I didn't want that baggage at 21 and in the throes of spending every weekend going out and drinking (he also seemed needy and he was shorter than me), and another guy was all right, until he said some really racist stuff on a date.  

  • I have once. It was the guy I was dating before FI and I got together. I had been out a 4 year relationship for about 2 months and this guy thought that he and I were going to be together forever and started to get a little creepy. I was looking for fun and he wanted a commitment I wasn't ready for. I stopped answering his calls and texts. I blocked him on FB. He showed up at my house and my neighbor chased him off with a shotgun cause it was like 3 am and we weren't even home.

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    ShesSoCold
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
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    Mine was for my own benefit, I think.

    I was 17 and dude had a Pantera tattoo, long hair and a hearse. I was SOLD. He turned out to be a total drunk and started to get kind of scary. I'd met another guy - total opposite - and went over to hearse guy's house to break up with him. He was already drunk and mean and I just got the hell out of there and never answered the phone again.

    A few years ago (so like 7 years after that), I'm pretty sure I saw him in a bar. He looked at me but luckily never said anything. I cringe to think about what he remembers about me - that was during my trainwreck days. My H sees him driving every once in a while, still with that same hearse.

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  • I have only had 3 or 4 real boyfriends, everybody else was ghosted. Not that I wouldn't talk to some of them if I saw them at a party or somewhere but I never felt the need to have a conversation about why I didn't want to flirt/hang out/text/whatever with them anymore.


    charlotte989875
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
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    mod

    Mine was for my own benefit, I think.

    I was 17 and dude had a Pantera tattoo, long hair and a hearse. I was SOLD. He turned out to be a total drunk and started to get kind of scary. I'd met another guy - total opposite - and went over to hearse guy's house to break up with him. He was already drunk and mean and I just got the hell out of there and never answered the phone again.

    A few years ago (so like 7 years after that), I'm pretty sure I saw him in a bar. He looked at me but luckily never said anything. I cringe to think about what he remembers about me - that was during my trainwreck days. My H sees him driving every once in a while, still with that same hearse.

    I initially read this as Panera tattoo and thought "man, that guy sure loves french toast bagels and mac & cheese!" But then I re-read it.

    I think it was really good that you ghosted that guy! He does sound scary!

    LOL I mean, in hindsight, the other guy ended up being a needy pathological liar who wanted to get married and have babies when I was 18 so I'm not sure which would have been better.
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    sparklepants41VarunaTT
  • In college I was the queen of what I referred to as the month long relationships.  One week of flirting, two weeks of hooking up, and a week of breaking up.  Not necessarily in a serial manner either.  I always liked getting the closure.  

    I'm telling you though, I'm starting to hate the informality of text in the dating world just a bit.  I didn't ghost this guy, but I texted him that he could ask me out in advance or stop asking me out.  I don't do 3 hours before dinner, texting me to ask if I want to go to dinner.  He hasn't texted me since.  #byefelicia
    spockforprezcharlotte989875
  • I once ghosted a girlfriend.  I was there for her through the explosion of her marriage, her mother's alcoholism and dad's avoidance of the situation, her being diagnosed with a mental disorder and wanting to cure it with yoga and meditation rather than medication, and her joining a cult and changing her name.  Then I couldn't do it anymore.  I couldn't be her only sane friend.  Everyone else was already long gone.  So, first I started taking longer and longer to respond to texts, phonecalls, and emails until finally I stopped answering all together and she stopped calling.  I wonder about her occasionally, but not enough to look her various names up on facebook or anything.
  • I'm sad that teenagers now don't have to go through the anxiety and horror of calling the house phone and talking to family members.
    Flashbacks of sprinting down the stairs before my dad could pick up! Then answering the phone to your aunt or someone equally unwelcome.
                 
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875ChelleJayne
  • I never did this, but my sister has had this done to her by nearly every guy that she has been seeing casually over the last 6 or so years. (She broke up with the one guy that she was seeing for 2 years of that time, and she's been dating the current guy for the last ~18 months or so.) The rest of the guys, she'd see for a few dates, text regularly over the course of a few weeks or a month, and then they would fall of the face of the earth.  
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
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    member
    I did, once, to an ex who played continuous mind games with me and kept me on a rotation with a few other girls (as I later found out).

    After we broke up, we didn't talk for months, but he tried to contact me when I started dating DH. He liked having control and always tried to lure me back when I would start moving on. I blew him off and he left me alone for a long time. He tried to contact me again right before DH and I got married, and that's when the ghosting occurred. Complete with a good old fashioned blocking on Facebook, blocking phone number, etc.

    I don't regret it.


  • I did once, he wasn't a boyfriend just a friend who didn't seem to want to let go once we realized we had nothing in common besides being grouped together for freshman orientation in college. He started to get weird and was showing up when I was hanging out with other friends who really didn't like him. He was a weird guy in general and was dealing with issues after being arrested and I was finally done with the drama. I told him to stop calling/texting me but he didn't so I just started ignoring him. I ran into him at the store one time and he asked why I was ignoring him. I just played dumb and said I hadn't gotten any messages must be my new phone. He tried once or twice after that and gave up.

    Every Thursday the radio station I listen to on the way into work has a segment called Blown Off. They take the call of someone who thinks they had a great first date but is now getting blown off by the other person and they get the other person on the phone to explain why they are blowing them off. Some weeks it sucks and clearly the person being blown off is an asshole and shouldn't be surprised but other times it's really funny. Some of my favorite reasons for blowing someone off have been:

    1. They found a wedding dress in the guys closet
    2. The girl had over 100 clowns in her apartment
    3. She realized she had dated the guys father (probably my all time fav so far)

    In most cases I don't see why the person can't just say I'm no longer interested in seeing you. I mean if it's just one date I feel like a text is fine. 
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    short+sassysparklepants41
  • I did once, he wasn't a boyfriend just a friend who didn't seem to want to let go once we realized we had nothing in common besides being grouped together for freshman orientation in college. He started to get weird and was showing up when I was hanging out with other friends who really didn't like him. He was a weird guy in general and was dealing with issues after being arrested and I was finally done with the drama. I told him to stop calling/texting me but he didn't so I just started ignoring him. I ran into him at the store one time and he asked why I was ignoring him. I just played dumb and said I hadn't gotten any messages must be my new phone. He tried once or twice after that and gave up.

    Every Thursday the radio station I listen to on the way into work has a segment called Blown Off. They take the call of someone who thinks they had a great first date but is now getting blown off by the other person and they get the other person on the phone to explain why they are blowing them off. Some weeks it sucks and clearly the person being blown off is an asshole and shouldn't be surprised but other times it's really funny. Some of my favorite reasons for blowing someone off have been:

    1. They found a wedding dress in the guys closet
    2. The girl had over 100 clowns in her apartment
    3. She realized she had dated the guys father (probably my all time fav so far)

    In most cases I don't see why the person can't just say I'm no longer interested in seeing you. I mean if it's just one date I feel like a text is fine. 

    Now THIS I did regularly when I was single.  If I wasn't interested after the first date, I just wouldn't respond to his next voicemail or e-mail.  That worked 90% of the time and I wasn't contacted again.  However, if he had the gumption to reach out a second time, than I would politely let him know I was not interested.

    I also had a few first dates where the guy asked me out for a second date at the end of it, but then never followed through or responded back to me if I contacted him.  Always thought that was weird.

    I was also ghosted once...but then he sent me an e-mail TWO years later apologizing to me, lol.  We'd been dating for about two months, going out 2-3x/week, so not quite serious yet but getting there.  And then he just dropped off the face of the earth.  No fight, nothing weird.  One day he just stopped calling and wouldn't return my phone calls either.  When it finally became extremely and embarrassingly obvious to me that is what he was doing, I left him one last voicemail...full of wrath and profanity.  It was satisfying.

    You could have knocked me over with a feather when, out of nowhere, I got an e-mail from him two years later.  He talked about and apologized about what a jerk he'd been in the way he left things and had always felt bad about it.  And that he didn't even know why he had done it, except he was scared of the feelings he had for me at the time (gag).  That was even more satisfying, lol.

    I actually did pleasantly respond to his e-mail.  I told him I had been so hurt and confused as to what had happened, but really appreciated his reaching out to me to apologize.  I gave him a brief rundown of what I had been up to and wished him well. 

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  • I ghosted a "friend" after middle school.  She was manipulative and borderline abusive.  Didn't answer her phone calls, went to a different high school than her, and years later, blocked her friend request on Facebook.  I just couldn't handle talking to her.  She was a bully, and I was a very meek person.  

    Never ghosted anyone as an adult though.

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  • I ghosted an old roommate as an adult. The final year we lived together I caught her in a TON of weird lies. Like she photoshopped herself into pictures (I saw the originals) and tried to tell me so lame story that she didn't do it. She was the only one with a key to our mailbox (except one day we switched) and that day I get a letter about a massive unpaid credit card that I hadn't opened, in my name. Turns out there were three others and all the bills had been sent to that address. She said she had a boyfriend and he and I had talked online (he contacted me under the auspices of getting her a birthday present) and I found his screen name linked to her computer. We had a big fight (I was super freaked out) and I moved out not long after. 

    When i moved out she would text me all the time. Like all day long. I finally told her it was too much but she would stop. So I took longer and longer to respond and eventually didn't. She texted me before the wedding and said she'd love to come. I (stupidly) invited her, but she didn't show. Two months later she said she didn't come because she had a baby. Sent me a picture. I Facebook stalked her and found out it was a picture of her nephew. 
  • I did it to the extent of not responding to a text after a not great date or even during the beginning of getting to know someone through online dating if he turned weird I'd just stop responding. But not someone I've been in an actual relationship with

    I did have it happen to me from someone who I was dating for a few months. The only time I've ever falling hard for someone. He suddenly just disappeared and seemingly fell off the face of the earth. He was going through a phase of trying to figure out things in life, if he liked his job (traveled a ton) etc and I think he just stopped it all. and it was bad because we were on the same coed dodgeball team and so he stopped coming to that and I had to be like uhhh I guess we broke up so he's not coming anymore, sorry! I ran into him last year just before my wedding and we chatted a bit as if nothing had ever been weird. He's now dating a girl I used to work with (small world) so hopefully it works for them.

  • I did once, he wasn't a boyfriend just a friend who didn't seem to want to let go once we realized we had nothing in common besides being grouped together for freshman orientation in college. He started to get weird and was showing up when I was hanging out with other friends who really didn't like him. He was a weird guy in general and was dealing with issues after being arrested and I was finally done with the drama. I told him to stop calling/texting me but he didn't so I just started ignoring him. I ran into him at the store one time and he asked why I was ignoring him. I just played dumb and said I hadn't gotten any messages must be my new phone. He tried once or twice after that and gave up.

    Every Thursday the radio station I listen to on the way into work has a segment called Blown Off. They take the call of someone who thinks they had a great first date but is now getting blown off by the other person and they get the other person on the phone to explain why they are blowing them off. Some weeks it sucks and clearly the person being blown off is an asshole and shouldn't be surprised but other times it's really funny. Some of my favorite reasons for blowing someone off have been:

    1. They found a wedding dress in the guys closet
    2. The girl had over 100 clowns in her apartment
    3. She realized she had dated the guys father (probably my all time fav so far)

    In most cases I don't see why the person can't just say I'm no longer interested in seeing you. I mean if it's just one date I feel like a text is fine. 

    Now THIS I did regularly when I was single.  If I wasn't interested after the first date, I just wouldn't respond to his next voicemail or e-mail.  That worked 90% of the time and I wasn't contacted again.  However, if he had the gumption to reach out a second time, than I would politely let him know I was not interested.

    I also had a few first dates where the guy asked me out for a second date at the end of it, but then never followed through or responded back to me if I contacted him.  Always thought that was weird.

    In most of the cases I've heard they had plans for a second date and then when trying to solidify those plans is when the person ghosts them. Also in all of the cases the person has reached out multiple times to the person and still not heard an answer. I think it's kind of nuts to call a radio station over that but it makes for an entertaining commute. 

    I just remember of a time I was sort of ghosted. I was trying to sell my loveseat on craigslist before moving and a girl was interested and was coming to pick it up. She emails me like 20 minutes before the agreed upon time saying she's on her way and to give me her cell phone number and says how excited she is b/c it matches a sofa she just bought perfectly. Well she doesn't show up and I wait for 30 minutes and text her. Nothing, thought I see that it was read. So I call. Voicemail. Thinking she may be driving I let it go and wait another 30 minutes. This time I leave an angry voice mail. Still nothing. The next day I look and she used her work e-mail she and her husband own a landscaping business. So after I moved I leave bad reviews on every site I can find, google, yelp, etc... saying that they are unreliable and don't show up and have poor customer service etc... It was probably dumb but it felt good. 

    Selling thing on craigslist sucks. That was probably the weirdest one but I got blown off probably about 50% of the time. Another lady texts me 2 hours after the agreed upon time saying she's sorry she's running late and she'll be there in 3 hours... I was like nope sorry it's sold. She was so mad and couldn't understand why I went back on my word. I was like you're 5 hours late, that's insane...
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
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    I did ghost someone after a first date.  I had tickets to a Phillies game, so we met there.  I realized not too far into the date that it wouldn't work because I had to explain the rules of baseball to him.  It's one thing to not know the players, but to know nothing of the sport?  I couldn't handle that because I love the Phillies and watch most games at home, etc.  There were other things too, but that stuck out to me during our date as a big one.

    We also almost ended up on TV and the jumbrotron!  Each game they do a Citizen's 7, where 7 people in the lucky row get a bag of goodies.  You get on the big screen and the TV.  There was a huge empty block of seats in between us and the end of the row, so the people are asking us to move down and be one of the 7 people.  I knew it was going out on TV and didn't want to go, he started to get up and move, but people in a row behind us jumped down to do it.  I was so relieved! 

    Anyway, after the game.  We walk out together, I go to shake his hand, but he goes for a hug.  So I give him a hug and say it was nice to meet him.  He asked about a 2nd date (which I wasn't prepared for!) and said, "That'd be nice."  He called twice and left VMs but I ignored them both.  I was prepared to answer his call if he tried a 3rd time, but he got the hint. 

  • I did once, he wasn't a boyfriend just a friend who didn't seem to want to let go once we realized we had nothing in common besides being grouped together for freshman orientation in college. He started to get weird and was showing up when I was hanging out with other friends who really didn't like him. He was a weird guy in general and was dealing with issues after being arrested and I was finally done with the drama. I told him to stop calling/texting me but he didn't so I just started ignoring him. I ran into him at the store one time and he asked why I was ignoring him. I just played dumb and said I hadn't gotten any messages must be my new phone. He tried once or twice after that and gave up.

    Every Thursday the radio station I listen to on the way into work has a segment called Blown Off. They take the call of someone who thinks they had a great first date but is now getting blown off by the other person and they get the other person on the phone to explain why they are blowing them off. Some weeks it sucks and clearly the person being blown off is an asshole and shouldn't be surprised but other times it's really funny. Some of my favorite reasons for blowing someone off have been:

    1. They found a wedding dress in the guys closet
    2. The girl had over 100 clowns in her apartment
    3. She realized she had dated the guys father (probably my all time fav so far)

    In most cases I don't see why the person can't just say I'm no longer interested in seeing you. I mean if it's just one date I feel like a text is fine. 

    Now THIS I did regularly when I was single.  If I wasn't interested after the first date, I just wouldn't respond to his next voicemail or e-mail.  That worked 90% of the time and I wasn't contacted again.  However, if he had the gumption to reach out a second time, than I would politely let him know I was not interested.

    I also had a few first dates where the guy asked me out for a second date at the end of it, but then never followed through or responded back to me if I contacted him.  Always thought that was weird.

    In most of the cases I've heard they had plans for a second date and then when trying to solidify those plans is when the person ghosts them. Also in all of the cases the person has reached out multiple times to the person and still not heard an answer. I think it's kind of nuts to call a radio station over that but it makes for an entertaining commute. 

    I just remember of a time I was sort of ghosted. I was trying to sell my loveseat on craigslist before moving and a girl was interested and was coming to pick it up. She emails me like 20 minutes before the agreed upon time saying she's on her way and to give me her cell phone number and says how excited she is b/c it matches a sofa she just bought perfectly. Well she doesn't show up and I wait for 30 minutes and text her. Nothing, thought I see that it was read. So I call. Voicemail. Thinking she may be driving I let it go and wait another 30 minutes. This time I leave an angry voice mail. Still nothing. The next day I look and she used her work e-mail she and her husband own a landscaping business. So after I moved I leave bad reviews on every site I can find, google, yelp, etc... saying that they are unreliable and don't show up and have poor customer service etc... It was probably dumb but it felt good. 

    Selling thing on craigslist sucks. That was probably the weirdest one but I got blown off probably about 50% of the time. Another lady texts me 2 hours after the agreed upon time saying she's sorry she's running late and she'll be there in 3 hours... I was like nope sorry it's sold. She was so mad and couldn't understand why I went back on my word. I was like you're 5 hours late, that's insane...

    Yes!!  That was me with the three guys I am thinking of.  THEY were the ones who asked ME for a second date on our date.  So, exactly that.  I tried to get in touch with them to firm up our plans.  I guess the one guy didn't avoid me.  He did take my calls and just kept making excuses.  But he kept making tentative plans.  So I kept calling to double check on them.  Until I finally just got fed up and threw up my hands with it.  If he wanted to call me with a definite day/time.  Great.  Otherwise, I'm not calling again.  And he never called.

    One of them asked me to contact him to set up another date.  I guess he didn't want me to feel pressured on the spot.  I called and sent an e-mail once each.  Nothing.  Third guy tried to set a specific day/time at the end of our first date.  It was a bad day for me, so I suggested a couple other day/times.  He said he had to check his schedule and would get back to me.  Ummm...weird.  I called him once and left a message, just to make sure he didn't think I wasn't interested.  No call back.

    For that last one, the only thing I could think of is I must have somehow "offended" him when I didn't "hop to" with his first day/time choice.  I don't even know.

    Moral of the story.  If a person does not want to go on a second date with someone else, than don't ask them on a second date.  Don't know why that is hard.

    @marriedhamstermom, I am cracking up at your leaving bad reviews for the landscaping company with the CL flake lady.  I did that once a few years ago with a bad driver.  This guy is driving like a maniac.  Rush hour traffic, but he is swerving from lane to lane, with only inches to spare.  With his car, plastered ALL OVER with his company's info.  I don't mean just a door magnet.  It was the whole car, right down to the full website address in the back window.

    I left bad reviews everywhere I could find them.  Though I was honest I wasn't a customer.  I briefly described his dangerous driving and stated I strongly discouraged anyone from doing business with a person who could be so egregiously reckless and rude.  That it just didn't bode well for their character. 

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  • @short+sassy  I agree, why ask someone out if you don't want to go out again? And if you do ask someone out and change your mind for whatever reason just let them know. You don't have to let them know the reason just say you've changed your mind. If no one mentions a second date then ghosting seems fine though.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who's left bad reviews. I probably should have been honest that I wasn't a customer. I never actually said I was a customer but I didn't say I wasn't either. Oh well, I was mad at time lol. I hate reckless drivers switching lanes multiple times and you just have to be stupid to do that with a car with your company info on it. I would definitely not hire someone if I found out they drove like that so I'm glad you reviewed them.
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    short+sassy
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