My daughter is engaged to be married next year. I, her mother, am also currently engaged to a man with younger children - 6 and 9. He is insisting that they be invited to my daughter's wedding and reception. My daughter is having an evening wedding with no children invited. Any suggestions as to etiquette on this would be sincerely appreciated.
Re: Inviting Step children to my daughter's wedding
Your FI is a guest, not a financial contributor, so he has no say in the guest list.
You might also point out to him that no other children are invited, and his children might not enjoy being the only ones there of their respective ages.
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What's your FI's actual stance. Is he actually making a real demand of this? What is your daughter's relationship with these kids?
That's why sometimes "making exceptions" isn't a good idea.
I tend to agree with this I know many wont... But they will be her step siblings and young so chances are they will look up to her... She is well within her rights to say no to them. I'd look more into the aftermath and the hurt feelings. Do you believe it will cause issues between you and your FI? Also you said only you and her father are paying.. It's a little different yes since you aren't married but your FI might be reacting badly to you because you are now spending money that he is not being included on rather it's yours his or joint.. Finances always become tricky when joining two households. Hopefully you have a clear cut line of who is paying for what within your own household otherwise he may be feeling like he is helping to pay for the wedding.
When my grandfather remarried, my dad & his siblings didn't really get to know my step-grandmother's children. It wasn't anything rude or bad; they just didn't have much of a reason to become family.
I do agree about the whole inviting your step-siblings thing. I get that etiquette does not require OP's daughter to invite them, but it would be a nice gesture. I also don't think kids need specific activities at weddings. I've been to plenty of weddings with kids, and they do what the adults do - i.e., eat and dance. No coloring books required. Though if they do need entertainment, OP and her FI are welcome to bring whatever coloring books or activities they'd like.
Again, I know it's not strictly required for OP's daughter, but I feel like there are often exceptions made for immediate family (like we're having a child-free wedding due to budget constraints, but my brother and his wife are welcome to bring their infant because they're immediate family), so it's not that crazy.
There were also family weddings where I wasn't invited even when I was in high school- I wasn't hurt. Unless OP's fiance puts the idea into the kids heads to be upset, they won't be either.