registry étiquette?

Re: registry étiquette?

• EvilSockLady member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  You are inviting at least a few guests to your wedding, so that alone I think makes it totally ok for you to have a registry (regardless of the fact that they are immediate family). And while those coming to your party the next day are in no way obligated to give you gifts, I'm sure many will honestly want to. Your having a registry will make it easier for them to get you what you'd like.
  
  As long as you don't put anything in the invites (which you say you aren't), I think you're in the clear to have a registry if you want one.
  
  ETA:
  Gifts are never mandatory. So I don't think your having a registry will make people think they are required to give them to you.
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1453538985 said:

  I'm planning on a super small city hall Friday ceremony with nuclear family only (about 10 people) with a well-hosted, well-catered, Saturday celebration of marriage party with about 75 people. 
  
  I personally don't care either way whether I register or not, but I'm worried if I DO register it will seem gift-grabby, and if I don't register people will pester my mom about what to buy me OR that if I don't register it will just seem cash-grabby. 
  
  I'm not going to put anything regarding gifts or registry info on the invites, and am not going to register for a cash fund. If I do a registry, I will just give the info for my parents and let them tell people when asked. 
  
  
  Thoughts? I really want people to be able to attend without feeling obligated to give gifts if they don't want to, especially since it's a party and not the ceremony. 

  Hopefully, you are hosting something immediately following your wedding ceremony on Friday as well, too.  It would be ill mannered to invite anyone to witness your marriage and not follow it up with some type of hospitality, regardless of the Saturday celebration.
  
  Including any information regarding registries with your wedding invitation would be inappropriate.  Registering for a cash fund is not only inappropriate but incredibly tacky and unnecessary.  If people choose to gift with cash, they certainly do not require a middle man to do so. 
  
  Creating a small registry would be acceptable.  Letting your mom know where you are registered is also a good idea.  The existence of a registry does not mandate that any one make a purchase from it.  Anyone that chooses to purchase a physical gift for you will do so freely.  You creating that registry does not make you gift grabby.  Many people who have established homes prefer gifts of cash in lieu of boxed gifts.  In this case, we often recommend that either no registry or a small registry be created.  If a guest inquires to you directly, or to a relative, there is nothing wrong with saying something along the lines of, "We chose not to create a registry as we have what we need, but are trying to save up for _______________".  The guest can take the lead from there and decide whether they prefer to gift you cash.
  

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• Gwendolyn1986 member

  

  March 2016

  MobKaz said:

  Knottie1453538985 said:

  I'm planning on a super small city hall Friday ceremony with nuclear family only (about 10 people) with a well-hosted, well-catered, Saturday celebration of marriage party with about 75 people. 
  
  I personally don't care either way whether I register or not, but I'm worried if I DO register it will seem gift-grabby, and if I don't register people will pester my mom about what to buy me OR that if I don't register it will just seem cash-grabby. 
  
  I'm not going to put anything regarding gifts or registry info on the invites, and am not going to register for a cash fund. If I do a registry, I will just give the info for my parents and let them tell people when asked. 
  
  
  Thoughts? I really want people to be able to attend without feeling obligated to give gifts if they don't want to, especially since it's a party and not the ceremony. 

  Hopefully, you are hosting something immediately following your wedding ceremony on Friday as well, too.  It would be ill mannered to invite anyone to witness your marriage and not follow it up with some type of hospitality, regardless of the Saturday celebration.
  
  Including any information regarding registries with your wedding invitation would be inappropriate.  Registering for a cash fund is not only inappropriate but incredibly tacky and unnecessary.  If people choose to gift with cash, they certainly do not require a middle man to do so. 
  
  Creating a small registry would be acceptable.  Letting your mom know where you are registered is also a good idea.  The existence of a registry does not mandate that any one make a purchase from it.  Anyone that chooses to purchase a physical gift for you will do so freely.  You creating that registry does not make you gift grabby.  Many people who have established homes prefer gifts of cash in lieu of boxed gifts.  In this case, we often recommend that either no registry or a small registry be created.  If a guest inquires to you directly, or to a relative, there is nothing wrong with saying something along the lines of, "We chose not to create a registry as we have what we need, but are trying to save up for _______________".  The guest can take the lead from there and decide whether they prefer to gift you cash.
  

  Yup! going out to dinner afterwards with the people attending the small wedding. Thanks for the input!
  
  

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• drunkenwitch member

  

  March 2016

  Create a small registry and only share you have one if people ask. You would be fine giving the registry information to your parents and your FILs, I say that because people often ask the parents of the HC if there is a registry. Registering for gifts isn't rude, shouting it from the rooftops, putting it on your wedding invitations and posting about it all over social media is. 
  
  Your instincts are spot on. 
  

  

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• AddieCake member

  

  March 2016

  It's not gift grabby to have a registry if you are inviting people, even if it isn't many people.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• SP29 member

  

  March 2016

  And just because you create a registry does not mean you need to mention it in any way, unless someone asks first. Thus, anyone looking for guidance from a registry will be pleased to hear when they ask you or your parents if you have one; you will not look gift grabby.
  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  March 2016

  Sounds like you are doing everything right! Change your name and stick around so we can get to know you!
  

  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  March 2016

  Create a registry, do not include the information in your invitations, and inform your Mom of where they are in case someone asks, but really - most guests look at the key places if they're shopping for a wedding gift.  

  I absolutely prefer there to be a registry even if I don't necessarily shop from it (i.e. they register for junk brand cookie sheets and I go to restaurant supply and purchase the really good ones), and if there's anything "etiquette" when it comes to registries, it's please be kind to your guests and their budget price-points.  Yes, register for the cute little dish towel that's $3 because you never know when a guest is putting a multiple nickel/dime basket together.  Same goes for the decent set of Oneida Flatware for your house (that if someone bought some of the pieces you'd be able to afford to finish the set) because "I always buy the couple their silverware set" or "I always purchase their wedding cake knife in their silverware pattern"...

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