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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Gwendolyn1986
member
registry étiquette?
I'm planning on a super small city hall Friday ceremony with nuclear family only (about 10 people) with a well-hosted, well-catered, Saturday celebration of marriage party with about 75 people.
I personally don't care either way whether I register or not, but I'm worried if I DO register it will seem gift-grabby, and if I don't register people will pester my mom about what to buy me OR that if I don't register it will just seem cash-grabby.
I'm not going to put anything regarding gifts or registry info on the invites, and am not going to register for a cash fund. If I do a registry, I will just give the info for my parents and let them tell people when asked.
Thoughts? I really want people to be able to attend without feeling obligated to give gifts if they don't want to, especially since it's a party and not the ceremony.
I personally don't care either way whether I register or not, but I'm worried if I DO register it will seem gift-grabby, and if I don't register people will pester my mom about what to buy me OR that if I don't register it will just seem cash-grabby.
I'm not going to put anything regarding gifts or registry info on the invites, and am not going to register for a cash fund. If I do a registry, I will just give the info for my parents and let them tell people when asked.
Thoughts? I really want people to be able to attend without feeling obligated to give gifts if they don't want to, especially since it's a party and not the ceremony.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: registry étiquette?
As long as you don't put anything in the invites (which you say you aren't), I think you're in the clear to have a registry if you want one.
ETA:
Gifts are never mandatory. So I don't think your having a registry will make people think they are required to give them to you.
Including any information regarding registries with your wedding invitation would be inappropriate. Registering for a cash fund is not only inappropriate but incredibly tacky and unnecessary. If people choose to gift with cash, they certainly do not require a middle man to do so.
Creating a small registry would be acceptable. Letting your mom know where you are registered is also a good idea. The existence of a registry does not mandate that any one make a purchase from it. Anyone that chooses to purchase a physical gift for you will do so freely. You creating that registry does not make you gift grabby. Many people who have established homes prefer gifts of cash in lieu of boxed gifts. In this case, we often recommend that either no registry or a small registry be created. If a guest inquires to you directly, or to a relative, there is nothing wrong with saying something along the lines of, "We chose not to create a registry as we have what we need, but are trying to save up for _______________". The guest can take the lead from there and decide whether they prefer to gift you cash.
Your instincts are spot on.
Create a registry, do not include the information in your invitations, and inform your Mom of where they are in case someone asks, but really - most guests look at the key places if they're shopping for a wedding gift.
I absolutely prefer there to be a registry even if I don't necessarily shop from it (i.e. they register for junk brand cookie sheets and I go to restaurant supply and purchase the really good ones), and if there's anything "etiquette" when it comes to registries, it's please be kind to your guests and their budget price-points. Yes, register for the cute little dish towel that's $3 because you never know when a guest is putting a multiple nickel/dime basket together. Same goes for the decent set of Oneida Flatware for your house (that if someone bought some of the pieces you'd be able to afford to finish the set) because "I always buy the couple their silverware set" or "I always purchase their wedding cake knife in their silverware pattern"...