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Vow Renewals

Big Wedding, Elope, or Both?

My fiance and I have been going back and forth with this, and he says he's happy with whatever I'd like to do. I can't decide between a big wedding or eloping. Any wedding would be big do to our family sizes, so a small one isn't optional. I love both- the close intimate aspect of eloping, and the ability to share my love publicly with my family. I'm just afraid of choosing one and regretting it- eloping and regretting missing out on the party, the dress, the celebration, etc., or having the big wedding and wishing for the stress-free intimacy (and privacy) of an elopement. I've also considered eloping, and having a big "wedding" (for lack of a better word) later, but I don't know if anyone would take it seriously or even come. I wouldn't want them to think it was a gift-grab. I would like the special, private ceremony with my partner, but I'd also love to say my vows in front of my loved ones. I really just don't know what to do.

Re: Big Wedding, Elope, or Both?

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited March 2016

    Did you mean to post this on the vow renewal board? Are you already married? If you are planning a wedding, then I can move this to a more appropriate board.

    If you are planning a vow renewal, then it's not planning a wedding at all. There are some aspects of a wedding that are a part of a vow renewal- exchange of vows, having a party afterwards to thank your guests for attending, good food, cake, dancing. But, that's about it. However, if you decide on a private vow renewal, you can pretty much do whatever you want because you won't have any guests (and thus, no one to offend with poor etiquette.)

    I have been married twice- had a large traditional wedding the first time around and eloped the second. Since we eloped, everyone found out after we had our ceremony. For us, it was the best decision we could have made. We did not want a big spectacle to be made, we didn't want other peoples' stress in our lives, and we're a somewhat private couple. We travel extensively, so we essentially just added a ceremony to a trip we would have already taken. For us, it was a very simple decision and our families were supportive of our choice because we had been married previously and no one wanted to go through another big wedding again. They actually breathed a sigh of relief when we said we married while on vacation.

    Eloping is not for everyone and if you do that, do NOT plan a re-do after you get back. You have to own the decision. You can have a celebration of marriage party after you elope, however it's not to be reflective of a wedding and there should be NO exchange of vows.


  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Closed as a duplicate. Original post on Customs and Traditions.


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