Dear Prudence,
I am in a committed relationship with a partner who I know watches pornography about once a week. We’ve watched it together a handful of times, but not consistently, and we don’t need it to have a great sex life. Recently I found out that he had visited sites for casual hookups in our area. When I confronted him, he apologized, said he’d been “curious,” and swore he didn’t hook up with anyone, but I am really struggling in dealing with what feels like a betrayal. He has cheated in the past. I found this out because he let me use his computer and he had emails from hookup sites for additional special offers. He has a history of avoiding confrontation and he feels pornography is not acceptable in society. He is in individual counseling to address this and other issues, and we are in couples counseling. Both of our counselors feel pornography is damaging—but would it help our situation? Because of your past responses that pornography is OK, I’m interested to know your thoughts on when porn is a good thing to share in a long-term committed partnership.