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Cleaning up a Paper Fiasco

Knottie1457556681Knottie1457556681 member
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in Wedding Woes
My husband and I did the catholic marriage prep, the Nupitual Mass, and our families gathered it was a lovely event.  The priest truly took great care with everything.  Wonderful start to our lives together.  I used the copy of the certificate to do all of the name changing within months of our ceremony.  But 36 years later we needed a certified copy of our certificate from the state for foreign taxes. I ordered a copy - after 2 weeks we get a certified letter from the State informing us that there is no record of these two people ever being married.   After exhausting all of the avenues, we are at the point of buying a license, having a very small civil ceremony and moving forward.   How do we word the invitation?  Our siblings, our children are in loop.....and laughing.  Lots of good natured teasing.....
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Re: Cleaning up a Paper Fiasco

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    sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1457556681 said:
    My husband and I did the catholic marriage prep, the Nupitual Mass, and our families gathered it was a lovely event.  The priest truly took great care with everything.  Wonderful start to our lives together.  I used the copy of the certificate to do all of the name changing within months of our ceremony.  But 36 years later we needed a certified copy of our certificate from the state for foreign taxes. I ordered a copy - after 2 weeks we get a certified letter from the State informing us that there is no record of these two people ever being married.   After exhausting all of the avenues, we are at the point of buying a license, having a very small civil ceremony and moving forward.   How do we word the invitation?  Our siblings, our children are in loop.....and laughing.  Lots of good natured teasing.....
    Did the priest not file the certificate with the state? How were you legally allowed to change your name and file taxes jointly if you weren't legally married? 

    Definitely agree with PP - you two need to get a lawyer involved.
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    princessleia22princessleia22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Yeah, I agree with others that you should get a lawyer.  It definitely sounds like there could be bigger issues that could arise from it.

    But, to answer your original questions, if you do go the route of a new civil ceremony, I'd probably just play it like it's a vow renewal. In reality, that's what it is, just with the added legal side to it, since you said vows to each other 36 years ago.

    image 

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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Another vote for a GREAT attorney first and above all else!!!  Look through your paperwork from way back when - do you have a copy there and the record just got lost?  The legal end of things could get really messy really quickly so before even thinking of the laugh it off civil ceremony, make sure you've got an attorney advising you if that's the proper step.  Who knows, you may have tax advantages to not be married LOL..  But really, attorney first!!!!

    Then, when it comes to invites, same as you would any other invite - and yes, you can have some fun with it...

    "Mr. & Mrs.

    who were sacramentally married

    (date)

    at

    St. Patrick's Cathedral,

    along with their children

    cordially invite you to their civil ceremony

    date

    time

    location

    address

    reception to follow at"

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    Knottie1457556681Knottie1457556681 member
    First Comment
    Ladies. Thank you for your advise!  Yes the lawyer step has already happened.  We live in Texas and we have presented ourselves publicly and on legal documents as husband and wife on more than 3 occasions. We were married legally here after the first parent teacher conference!   In Texas, we have an " informal" marriage which is legal here.  Our 6 children are now all adults - so no one really cared.  What prompted the change is the coming  move to Flordia which does not have the same laws.  In Louisiana the copy of the church certificate which is not a legal record was enough to change my name then- now probably not.  We have worked with the church to get it recognized, but no sale.  The priest and the best man have both passed away - so this is where we are. It has been a frustrating ride.   But let it be a cautionary tale to others.....make sure you get that certified copy back!!
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    JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Given that you have all your other bases covered, I'll just address your first question. ;)

    Since everyone's already in the loop, I would personally throw formality out the window and have a more humorous invitation to set the tone. I think something a little tongue in cheek (like: "Vow renewal? Wedding? Help us figure it!") would go over well, whereas some people may side eye it if you took yourselves too seriously when calling it a wedding.

    Then again, you've been married long enough that just treating it as a vow renewal wouldn't be out of place at all if you want to make it more romantic.

    I think it depends on the tone you want to set, and the kind of celebration you're looking forward to.
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1457556681 said:
    Ladies. Thank you for your advise!  Yes the lawyer step has already happened.  We live in Texas and we have presented ourselves publicly and on legal documents as husband and wife on more than 3 occasions. We were married legally here after the first parent teacher conference!   In Texas, we have an " informal" marriage which is legal here.  Our 6 children are now all adults - so no one really cared.  What prompted the change is the coming  move to Flordia which does not have the same laws.  In Louisiana the copy of the church certificate which is not a legal record was enough to change my name then- now probably not.  We have worked with the church to get it recognized, but no sale.  The priest and the best man have both passed away - so this is where we are. It has been a frustrating ride.   But let it be a cautionary tale to others.....make sure you get that certified copy back!!
    Just curious, when say that you have been working with the church, but no sale, does that mean that in the eyes of the church you aren't married. I would think the church where you were married would have a record of the marriage even if the courthouse doesn't. Good luck with everything - what a nightmare.
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    geebee908geebee908 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    It would be interesting to see if the marriage was recorded in the parish of your baptism which would be your official sacramental record. Because if it wasn't there either, that would mean your priest would have failed to send that paperwork also and it wasn't just a case of something getting lost in the mail.
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    MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm confused.  At the time of your original wedding, did you not go to the courthouse and obtain a marriage license to be signed by your witnesses, your priest and yourselves at the mass?  Regardless of whether the priest "took great care of everything" it was your responsibility to apply for and get a marriage license.
    image
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    MNNEBride said:
    I'm confused.  At the time of your original wedding, did you not go to the courthouse and obtain a marriage license to be signed by your witnesses, your priest and yourselves at the mass?  Regardless of whether the priest "took great care of everything" it was your responsibility to apply for and get a marriage license.

    Ever heard of a "shotgun wedding" ...  Time was that the trip to the courthouse wasn't exactly necessary... 

    If the church is stonewalling OP - go up the ladder!!!  Take it direct to the Bishop!  And if you don't get action from the Bishop, then on to the Arch Bishop...  The people that handle Cannan Law for the diocese may be a good resource in helping you get this all sorted through.  Don't be afraid to go up the chain if the parish is being a PITA...  What about MOH?  Is she still available? or GM???

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