Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Father-Daughter issues

Hi everyone! I'm new here :smile: recently got engaged and was directed here by my best friend. I'm actually a little embarrassed that I'm posting so soon after joining, but here goes nothing! (This is very, very long and I apologize for that!!!) 

I'm an only child. My parents are amazing and I love them dearly. I was absolutely set in having my dad walk me down the aisle, give me away and do the father-daughter dance. It's what a daddy is for, right?

Well, when I approached my dad and told him what I wanted he said "Darling, it's very sweet that you want me to walk you down the aisle, but I already did that at *Insert evil cousin's name here*'s wedding and don't think that I'm interested in doing it again. Sorry, but I love you."

>>Backstory- My cousin was going to have her dad walk her down the aisle at her wedding. But, unsurprisingly, he showed up to her wedding drunk off his booty and couldn't manage to walk to the ceremony site let alone escort his daughter down the aisle, so my dad (the hero that he's always been for her) stepped up and did all of the "dad" stuff in the wedding. I was totally fine with this, I thought it was very sweet actually! NOT anymore (ugh, I just went bridezilla for a second)<<

Okay, so back to present times. After bawling into my mothers arms for literally an hour and a shopping trip (thanks mom for gifting me your emotional shopping gene) once he so kindly declined to be part of my wedding, I'm not even sure I want to go through with a wedding anymore. I've honestly dreamed of this day since I was a little girl and can't imagine doing this without my dad.  What do I do? Go it alone with everyone wondering why my beloved father isn't walking me down the aisle? Neglect inviting him at all? I'm so confused! :(

Thank you in advance, and again I apologize for the novel!

Re: Father-Daughter issues

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm sorry your father responded so hurtfully to you.

    Hopefully, you'll continue with your wedding and find another person who loves you to escort you-perhaps your mother, your FI, or someone else special in your life.

    But as @OliveOilsMom says above, don't let this stop you from having a wedding! If anyone questions why your father won't do it, you can just direct them back to him for the answer.  It won't reflect badly on you.
    OurWildKingdom
  • Thanks for the warm welcome! 

    @OliveOilsMom, thank you for your input! I'm the type of person where things are either all or nothing and I think that part of me took over when he said no. I really appreciate the ideas of things to say when I talk to him and also the idea of the groom and I walking together if he still doesn't want to do it, I hadn't even thought about that! :smile: 

    @holyguacamole79 I had thought about having my mom walk me down the aisle, but don't want to answer the questions from the very traditional members of my family of why my mother was walking me down the aisle while my father was sitting there, quite able to do the job himself. It's probably a very silly reason though! 
    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMom
  • If you're newly engaged, you probably have a Lot of time before your wedding.  This should be left on the list until about, oh, let's say 5 months before your wedding.  So, enjoy your engagement.

    First item on your planning agenda is to determine your guest list.  You can put together two, a Must Invite and a Would Be Nice.  Second, determine your budget.  Third, find a venue that fits both your budget and your guest list.  Everything should fall into place after that.

    Stick around if you want more advice.  But I think this problem is one you should bench for a while.
    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMom
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @ElleLovesSean , I had both my parents escort me down the aisle for various reasons that stemmed from family drama.  Nobody asked me anything.  You'd be surprised how many people will not say anything.

    OurWildKingdomPinksatin91016
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Thanks for the warm welcome! 

    @OliveOilsMom, thank you for your input! I'm the type of person where things are either all or nothing and I think that part of me took over when he said no. I really appreciate the ideas of things to say when I talk to him and also the idea of the groom and I walking together if he still doesn't want to do it, I hadn't even thought about that! :smile: 

    @holyguacamole79 I had thought about having my mom walk me down the aisle, but don't want to answer the questions from the very traditional members of my family of why my mother was walking me down the aisle while my father was sitting there, quite able to do the job himself. It's probably a very silly reason though! 
    You don't have to answer any questions about it, regardless of who walks you down the aisle.  Just tell whoever asks, "My dad is sitting right there-he can give you the answer better than I can." But only if they get aggressive about it.  If it's just a casual inquiry, you can bean-dip.
    True, you don't have to answer any questions. I'd just say something like "That's just how we chose to do it," and move on. But I agree that many will not ask. 

    I echo the suggestion of coming in with your groom. It's a really beautiful symbol. I wanted to do that, but had the opposite issue - I knew my dad was too excited about walking me down the aisle (and on top of that, DH wanted to do the whole "I see you from the other end" thing).

    However, I had both my parents escort me and both DH's parents escorted him in at the beginning - maybe if it's a center-of-attention issue and you've asked your mom about it, offering for the three of you to come in together might work when you talk with him about it more.
    SP29OurWildKingdom
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sorry to hear that is the response you got. I can understand why that would upset you. If my dad said that to me, I would likely respond with, "WTF? How does that even make sense? I'M your daughter!?!?".

    But anyway, I agree to let this simmer for some time. Re-approach the topic closer to the wedding date (I'm talking about even a few weeks to a month before, it's not like you need to plan walking down the aisle).

    Otherwise, you do have options. Your mom could escort you, another family member could escort you (uncle, grandfather, cousin), or you could walk in with your FH (which I think is very nice).

    So go be excited about your wedding for your own reasons!
    OurWildKingdom
  • Maybe your dad would do it if it's your mom and dad walking together? I mean if anxiety is the reason for his decline. For my religion that is the tradition anyway so I'm doing it that way.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    OurWildKingdom
  • Thanks for all of the other replies! I'll wait it out a little longer and talk to him about it in a while. If he still says no, I think that my fiance and I will walk together! We're definitely doing a first look so we will still get "that" moment :) 
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