Wedding Etiquette Forum

Can't buy etiquette...vent

My best friend is getting married this summer, I'm a bridesmaid. 
We both have wedding planners, but hers seems to do every.single.thing- including making decisions! big ones!- whereas I'm still part of the planning process. 
Last year, BFF asks for FI and I's full names, first middle and last. (She knew mine, but not FIs middle) 
Anyway- a few weeks ago, her STD shows up... To Knickergold and Guest-- huh? First, my middle and last name were spelled wrong, and FI is now 'guest'.

I know she didn't send these, or even see them before they were sent- even the return address was to her planner's office- but I'm peeved/annoyed. (Probably silly, but really?)
I mean this woman is the most expensive planner in the area (I'm not getting married locally, but looked at planners here and she is $$$$$$) and she ok'd STDs with 'and guest' for an engaged couple? What's more interesting, another BM posted a picture of the card & envelope on Facebook (why???) and it's addressed to her and guest- and she's married!! And it is addressed to her married name! 

Anyway, I don't want to say anything to BFF about the misspelled names or the fact that FI shouldn't be addressed as 'guest'... but it's semi-frustrating! I am however, very glad I decided to 1)not get married locally (for a number of reasons) 2) hire this woman as my WP as a mid-five figure sum should, IMO, cover properly addressing your guests...

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but Save the Dates don't typically have 'and guest' on them for single people, correct? Everyone who is single is getting a plus one for my wedding, but the save the dates were solely addressed to the single person, whereas the invites will have 'and guest' or will have the name of the person they're in a relationship with, once the wedding rolls around. To be clear, those in relationships were both addressed by name on the Save the Date, not just 'BFF and Guest'.

Re: Can't buy etiquette...vent

  • Ah I should have mentioned, when she asked 'How did the STD look?' I did say 'Oh the hand calligraphy on the envelope was super pretty, but I think the person had trouble with my name- they must not be Irish!' and she said that she hadn't seen any of them, but that she'd look into the spelling mistakes. 

    Once I'm home, I may bring up the 'guest' thing, but honestly, she's quite 'insecure' about the whole process- her Mom & planner are running the show, her FMIL is evil and controlling, and her FI is upset she's not more involved. Apparently they even got into a fight when I posted on social media that FI and I were engaged and used a hashtag I'd thought up a while ago- her FI was pissed that she hadn't come up with one and they'd been engaged for a few months. (She hardly uses social media, him only somewhat more than she does, so it was a bit odd) So I'd like to not stress her out even more-- if she was the one sending the invites, I would, but she's not. But I've got a few weeks til we're on the same half of the globe, so I'll have to stew on it...
  • I would have done the same about the spelling. Turns out my cousin's name was spelled wrong on both the invitation and seating cards. But no one told me till the wedding. I felt bad, but I couldn't fix it. At least if he had told me after the invitations, I would have made sure the seating card was correct.

    With my planner, I had as much, or as little, input as I wanted. I was super involved at the beginning. Then, I was kind of over stressing about it and left all the decisions to my planner. I didn't know how the centerpieces or ceremony space would look, but she understood what I wanted, so I trusted her. And it turned out fantastic. I really just did the STDs, invitations, and seating cards (because they were with a different vendor).

    If your friend has left all the planning to the planner and her mom, then it's on her to correct that. If the planner is a professional, then she should welcome the bride's input.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    That is unfortunate for a professional in the wedding industry... good thing you didn't hire her!

    I would talk to your friend- a heart to heart about the whole thing. Sounds like it's turning into a train wreck she doesn't want. If she is your best friend, I don't think it out of line for you to give her a pep talk- hun, that planner works for you! Make sure she gets it right! And tell your FI where he can go with his ideas (aka- do it himself)!
  • Heffalump said:
    Ah I should have mentioned, when she asked 'How did the STD look?' I did say 'Oh the hand calligraphy on the envelope was super pretty, but I think the person had trouble with my name- they must not be Irish!' and she said that she hadn't seen any of them, but that she'd look into the spelling mistakes. 

    Once I'm home, I may bring up the 'guest' thing, but honestly, she's quite 'insecure' about the whole process- her Mom & planner are running the show, her FMIL is evil and controlling, and her FI is upset she's not more involved. Apparently they even got into a fight when I posted on social media that FI and I were engaged and used a hashtag I'd thought up a while ago- her FI was pissed that she hadn't come up with one and they'd been engaged for a few months. (She hardly uses social media, him only somewhat more than she does, so it was a bit odd) So I'd like to not stress her out even more-- if she was the one sending the invites, I would, but she's not. But I've got a few weeks til we're on the same half of the globe, so I'll have to stew on it...
    I know this is entirely tangential, but if the hashtag was so flippin' important to him (really?  really-really?), what was preventing him from creating one?  Was his penis getting in the way?  I hear that happens sometimes.
    Those pesky penises!

  • I would definitely tell her.  She would not want the actual invites to go out that way. It's bad enough the save-the-dates went out that way. Also her fiance sounds like a horse's arse. But that's probably a different conversation.
  • Ah I should have mentioned, when she asked 'How did the STD look?' I did say 'Oh the hand calligraphy on the envelope was super pretty, but I think the person had trouble with my name- they must not be Irish!' and she said that she hadn't seen any of them, but that she'd look into the spelling mistakes. 

    Once I'm home, I may bring up the 'guest' thing, but honestly, she's quite 'insecure' about the whole process- her Mom & planner are running the show, her FMIL is evil and controlling, and her FI is upset she's not more involved. Apparently they even got into a fight when I posted on social media that FI and I were engaged and used a hashtag I'd thought up a while ago- her FI was pissed that she hadn't come up with one and they'd been engaged for a few months. (She hardly uses social media, him only somewhat more than she does, so it was a bit odd) So I'd like to not stress her out even more-- if she was the one sending the invites, I would, but she's not. But I've got a few weeks til we're on the same half of the globe, so I'll have to stew on it...

    Wait.  Wait.  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

    I didn't have a hashtag AT ALL.  At any time for my wedding.  Does that mean I get a do over?  This is grounds, right?

    I didn't even know wedding hashtags were a thing until months after I got engaged!
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