Moms and Maids

Mom and purple hair

So let me start by saying that my mother and I have clashed from day one with wedding planning.... From my bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the food, my dress, who is invited, the list goes on. But this latest I'm not sure what to do: my purple hair. I love it. I have dark brown hair naturally and have the underside a deep intense purple that is not super in-your-face in my opinion. My mother hates it. She keeps telling me I cannot have it on my wedding day. Honestly it had never occurred to me not to have it. I really want to tell her that if it's such a big deal to her, she can pay to have the color corrected, but since I'm paying for my hair appointments I'm leaving it purple for the day. Is that unreasonable? Thank you!
KnotRiley

Re: Mom and purple hair

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your body, your choice.  She can dictate her own hair.  


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    charlotte989875SP29[Deleted User]
  • indigo26indigo26 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    I saw the title and thought someone else has a mom with purple hair too! Such a letdown :-)

    Leave your hair purple if that's what you love. Tell mom it is a part of you and you shouldn't have to change your appearance for your wedding.

    ETA - I love my mom's hair and would never ask her to change.
    holyguacamole79softkittywarmkittyOliveOilsMom[Deleted User]
  • I think you should have whatever colour hair you would like. I think it is worth acknowledging to your Mom that some people might find it 'different' (always best to call out the elephant in the room) but you are happiest with your purple hair. I would also let her know that you are not willing to discuss again and the decision has been made. I would refrain from offering the option to change provided she pays for it unless you are 100% okay with a change. If she brings it up again, remind her of your previous conversation and then bean dip. I hope you have a great day and beautiful photos!
    JediElizabeth
  • Thank you all! Purple it stays 

    PS I would love my mom to purple hair! She could rock it
    ernursejrandomslove
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jinx1990 said:
    So let me start by saying that my mother and I have clashed from day one with wedding planning.... From my bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the food, my dress, who is invited, the list goes on. But this latest I'm not sure what to do: my purple hair. I love it. I have dark brown hair naturally and have the underside a deep intense purple that is not super in-your-face in my opinion. My mother hates it. She keeps telling me I cannot have it on my wedding day. Honestly it had never occurred to me not to have it. I really want to tell her that if it's such a big deal to her, she can pay to have the color corrected, but since I'm paying for my hair appointments I'm leaving it purple for the day. Is that unreasonable? Thank you!
    Who is paying for your wedding?  If your mom is paying for the wedding, you will have to expect her to have a say in the guest list and the food.  However, even when paying for those costs, things such as bridal party choices, ceremony, and wedding attire are off limits.  Have you always experimented with alternative hair coloring?  How long have you had the purple undertones?  I only ask because if this is something you have done for years, I'm not sure why your mom would suddenly expect you to change that just because you are getting married.

    Tell your mom you have your personal "look" under control and do not wish to discuss it.
    OurWildKingdomSP29OliveOilsMom
  • You're an adult. Wedding or no wedding, Mom doesn't get a say in your hair color. End of story.
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    SP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Tell your mom that if she doesn't like purple hair, then she doesn't have to dye her own hair purple but that she has no jurisdiction on the hair of others.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Next time suggest she come along with you to the coloring appointment to get hers done to match so she isn't so freaked out by you being the only one with purple hair! 


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  • Assuming you're a grown adult your mom gets no say in your hair color.

    If my mom brought it up to me repeatedly then I'd probably say, "Mom, if you keep talking about my hair I may have to stop talking to you."  
  • Does thread remind anyone else of that cute commercial where two older women put purple streaks in their gray hair for their college reunion?

    OP, glad you are keeping those locks purple!  You can tell your mom, "If Fortune 500 companies have national commercials with senior citizens dying their hair purple, it is probably not going to be a "pearl clutching" moment for your guests if the underside of your hair is purple also."

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    sparklepants41thefanciestbeckler
  • AllsnAllsn member
    First Comment
    edited March 2016
    I don't understand why this is even a question. Why do so many people do what everyone else wants?  It's you so do what you want! If they get mad then don't talk to them and it's their loss for being crazy and trying to control you.
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2016
    Allsn said:
    I don't understand why this is even a question. Why do so many people do what everyone else wants?  It's you so do what you want! If they get mad then don't talk to them and it's their loss for being crazy and trying to control you.
    I don't understand why you'd comment on an old thread just to berate the OP for asking for advice about a charged family situation 
    bohobrideCAMesmrEweAddieCake
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Just tell your mother that the only person whose hair she gets to control is her own.
  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    My mother half jokingly offered to hire someone to airbrush cover up my tattoos for my wedding and I just side eyed her and she let it go. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I thinking just telling her no and bean dipping is the best course of action here.
  • Jinx1990Jinx1990 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited March 2016
    kylexo said:
    My mother half jokingly offered to hire someone to airbrush cover up my tattoos for my wedding and I just side eyed her and she let it go. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I thinking just telling her no and bean dipping is the best course of action here.
    My parents hate tattoos as well. They say nothing about mine or Fi, but when I said I was buying Fi the tattoo he wants on his forearm for his bday/wedding gift a few weeks before the wedding- i got a huge stinkeye from both of them, but they said nothing. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • Jinx1990 said:
    kylexo said:
    My mother half jokingly offered to hire someone to airbrush cover up my tattoos for my wedding and I just side eyed her and she let it go. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I thinking just telling her no and bean dipping is the best course of action here.
    My parents hate tattoos as well. They say nothing about mine or Fi, but when I said I was buying Fi the tattoo he wants on his forearm for his bday/wedding gift a few weeks before the wedding- i got a huge stinkeye from both of them, but they said nothing. 
    My parents are the same way, when my mom saw my dress the first thing she said was "oh, I can see your tattoo". Yes, you can, it's on my forearm and I don't like full sleeves, plus I like it so I don't want to hide it.

    My husband is paying for my next tattoo (that I'm getting next week!) as a birthday present and I totally got the same stinkeye! Thankfully my in-laws are tatt'ed up (my MIL has a couple of tattoos representing her kids, the one for my husband is absolutely adorable) so they are down with tattoos.
    bohobrideCA
  • There's nothing wrong with people being more traditional than others.  It's all just opinion and upbringing and no need to get ugly about it.  My mother and I butt heads on everything - our tastes are very different.  I still respect her opinion and value it, reminding her all the time I am just more open to other options today.  If there's something at our wedding that I can go either way on, I will do it her way just so she feels included.  There's nothing wrong with the 2 of you being individuals "together".  Plus, once mom sees no one else hates your hair at the wedding and she's being the odd man out, she will probably lighten up. :-)
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