bridesmaid trouble

blondek13 · January 2012

ok so here is the deal. I have four bridesmaids. Three of them have known me for 10+ yrs. The girl giving me trouble has only know me for 3yrs but we were really close, or so i thought. We met in a christian sorority and she became my little. Arik proposed this past october and things quickly changed between me and the girl. We had a few problems before then but nothing we couldnt work out. But after i became engaged and asked her to be a BM, she became rude, jealous, and hated not being center of attention. I graduated in dec, and we have yet to work things out. I am in trouble bc i no longer feel as if she wants or even should be in the wedding. She didnt like my dress, the BM dress, my ideas and she isnt involved at all. What should i do? It really hurts that she doesnt care but I have tried everything. I hate it that we fell apart and now that i am no longer in school, its not like we have a chance to really work things out.. any suggestions?

SheilaDancer43 · January 2012

You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Don't even make the bulk of what you talk about WR. Tell her you're upset because you feel like your friendship is falling apart. Many times girls get jealous (like you said) because they are no longer the center of attention and possibly because they wish they were engaged. Try to spend time with her (or just talk to her) as a friend instead of a bride talking to a bridesmaid. A few other girls on here have had BM trouble and have had girls drop out of their WP, so maybe they will give you a little better advice...

Megbo2012 · January 2012

Don't ask her to drop out, especially. If she wants to she will remove herself. It's rude if you do it. Definitely talk to her about your friendship and I think you will both get a better idea of what's going on and what's going to happen. Good luck!

chelseamb11 · January 2012

I agree, do NOT kick her out of the WP. Even if you are fighting, it is still such a shock/slap in the face to the BM (it's been done to me before). Invite her out to lunch or out for a drink just the two of you. Don't talk anything wedding. See what's up with her and how she's doing. Try to reconnect. If she's still acting funny after an hour or two, ask her about it. Don't make the conversation revolve around your wedding or her being a bridesmaid. Does she have relationship problems? She might just be jealous.

Also, remember... as a BM she's not required to like or help out with anything. All she's required to do is purchase the dress and show up.

Good luck!

goodine11 · January 2012

I had the same issue with my best friend of 11years. She has always copied whatever I did. When I moved out my mothers into my apartment sheput her house up for sale, in attempt to move into an apartment. ( House didn't sale) As soon as Bryant proposed she became jealous, she started telling me he was cheating on me we live in DC and she lives in Alabama. She knew noone in his circle that could give her this information. He would go out of town for work and according to her he was seeing someone. He would play basketball, I would say I needed to go to the game becuase, he has a girlfriend at the game.

Eventually, she did drop out of my wedding, I have not spoken to her since September and I am totally fine with that.

kelsey+brandon · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaid-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:dac48928-dcb7-4b82-a102-a9052a8a5884Post:ae49a807-ef3b-443e-a5b0-d9e32fd998a3">Re: bridesmaid trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't ask her to drop out, especially. If she wants to she will remove herself. It's rude if you do it. Definitely talk to her about your friendship and I think you will both get a better idea of what's going on and what's going to happen. Good luck!
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. I was having this same problem, and eventually (right before they have to have their dress order in), she emailed me telling me she didn't want to be in the wedding. She also said lots of mean stuff that I'm pretty sure she would not have said in a face-to-face conversation, so I would definitely talk to her in person! That'll atleast leave you with some sort of friendship left.</div>

HarperBargo · January 2012

I agree with everyone that you shouldn't kick her out. Really try to sit down and talk with her. She might be having other things going on in her life. I had a BM that was more than distant and was causing a few problems. We sat down over coffee and we discussed our friendship nothing WR. It turns out her and her husband were having money issues which was causing them a lot of stress and fights. She was embarassed and didn't know how to tell me anything. In the end she did step down for money reasons but I asked her to do a reading and she was very honored. Keeping the friendship above all was the most important thing for me.

MMRoberts11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaid-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:dac48928-dcb7-4b82-a102-a9052a8a5884Post:ae49a807-ef3b-443e-a5b0-d9e32fd998a3">Re: bridesmaid trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't ask her to drop out, especially. If she wants to she will remove herself. It's rude if you do it. Definitely talk to her about your friendship and I think you will both get a better idea of what's going on and what's going to happen. Good luck!
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

This. I would just talk to her about it and see if maybe something else is going on.

blondek13 · January 2012

I've tried talking to her on several occasions but she always bails. I even pulled into the restaurant one time and she called and said she wanted to see her bf instead. Everytime I try to talk, I mention our friendship and not the wedding. I really don't want to lose her as a friend but she isn't making any effort. After she bailed on my graduation, she sent me a MSG blaming me for it bc I changed my ceremony time, which was false. I sent her a MSG explaining why I'm hurt and what's going on with us, blah blah. Now she's running her mouth to our friends about it. It's very upsetting and I'm tired of the drama. And I get that BM's don't have to like anything but it's a buzz kill when I get excited about something and want to share it with the ones I love, only to have them roll their eyes and brush you off.

mrsbrantley · January 2012

Hate to be the unpopular opinion but I say kick her out. Not unceremoniously - just tell her that you two have grown apart, you have tried your best to bring the two of you back together and she has not been receptive, and at this point you don't feel it's in either of your best interests for her to be in the wedding. If she finally feels moved to explain what is going on with her (if there is some issue) then hopefully you guys can repair and you can keep her as a BM. But if she responds with hostility or otherwise general stankness then you know you made the best decision.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree that you must keep a toxic person in your wedding party! They don't have to be a wedding cheerleader or interested in all the details. But if they are genuinely no longer a friend to you then there is no reason for them to be standing with you on your wedding day, and you know they will inevitably cause some type of drama, even if it is just having a bad attitude.

bridesmaid trouble

Re: bridesmaid trouble

Choose Another Board

Search Boards