Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Passing on gift from deceased father

I got married about two years ago before my older sister. During my fathers speech, he gave me a tiara. It has meant so much to me to have this small gift from the wedding. My father passed away about a year ago. It has been an extremely difficult time. He wasn't there for when my older sister got engaged- she is getting married in August. I am her matron of honor and have to give a speech during the reception. I really want to give her the tiara my father gave to me but I am not entirely sure of when to do this. Do I give it to her during my speech like my father did, or do I give it to her earlier in the day? If I give it to her during my speech do I mention it's being passed on to her? Or do I skip it entirely? I'm in need of some advice! 

Re: Passing on gift from deceased father

  • Oh, please don't do it in public.  I'm sure the day will be already have moments where she's feeling his loss - I think this would definitely be kind of throwing it in her face.  I know everyone grieves differently, but I was very close to my grandmother and it was a good four or five years before I was able to talk about her with people who weren't close immediate family without completely breaking down.  For her sake and everyone else who might be in attendance at the wedding who was close to your father, please don't make a showy display of it. 

    Find a private moment for you to share sometime before the wedding day.  She may want to wear it at her wedding.
    OurWildKingdom
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with @ShesSoCold ... this is really cool, and I think it would be more appropriate in private.  If my sister surprised me with a gift from my deceased grandfather during the reception, I'd break down crying.  
    OurWildKingdom
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Definitely privately. I would melt down completely if you did that to me at my wedding. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Don't do it in public.  It could be very painful for your sister to receive a memento from your father on her wedding day, so give it to her in private before the day.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would give out to her before. Perhaps will want wear it with her veil. Assuming it is that sort of tiara. What a kind gesture. My godmother/aunt gave me a gift "from" my deceased grandma for my shower, it was very touching.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I would definitely give it to her beforehand, in private. Something that emotional shouldn't be done in front of everyone. She may very well want to wear it during the wedding, to feel that connection with dad there.  And she may not even want to take such an important heirloom from you.  Maybe she will want to wear it as her something borrowed and return it to you.  

    image 

    OurWildKingdomwink0erin
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Definitely give it to her before hand, and by that I mean way before the day of.  I know I would probably bawl if that happened during a speech, and even if you gave it to me while I was getting ready, it would still not give me enough time to come to terms with all of the emotions.  


    image
    OurWildKingdom
  • I agree with everyone else. Do it in private. Very awesome idea though. :)
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree to do it in private, before the wedding. That way she can also wear the tiara on her wedding day if she wishes.
    OurWildKingdom
  • Agree with PPs. A mention about the item could be made at the reception, but depends on how she and others could/ or would feel about it.
    OurWildKingdom
  • Vote for giving it to her before the wedding so that if she wants she can wear it on her wedding day. This way she can also plan for a hairstyle that will work with it. This way when she looks at her wedding photos, she'll see herself in the tiara and it will remind her of your father. And think of how sentimental it will be to have a photo of you, her & your mom together with her wearing the tiara. It will then be like your dad is with you, which he will be in spirit.
    OurWildKingdom
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