Guest accommodation $$ etiquette?

Knottie41409780 · April 2016

Hi,
I'm having a four day destination wedding in the DR in April. My fiance and I have invited our best friends to stay in a villa with us, which is admittedly costly, but we are paying for all of their food, alcohol, and transportation for the entire four days to help make the rest of their stay as cheap and easy as possible.

We made it clear to our villa guests that we were asking them to stay and pay for all four nights, and gave them the option of a nearby cheaper hotel if they wanted to save money or come for fewer nights.

It's now four weeks until our wedding and two of our guests have told us they are only coming for three nights. Should my fiance and I pay for their fourth night? Or is it okay to charge them for the full four nights that they initially agreed to?

LondonLisa · April 2016

Knottie41409780 said:

Hi,
I'm having a four day destination wedding in the DR in April. My fiance and I have invited our best friends to stay in a villa with us, which is admittedly costly, but we are paying for all of their food, alcohol, and transportation for the entire four days to help make the rest of their stay as cheap and easy as possible.

We made it clear to our villa guests that we were asking them to stay and pay for all four nights, and gave them the option of a nearby cheaper hotel if they wanted to save money or come for fewer nights.

It's now four weeks until our wedding and two of our guests have told us they are only coming for three nights. Should my fiance and I pay for their fourth night? Or is it okay to charge them for the full four nights that they initially agreed to?

If you rented this villa, I don't think it's appropriate to ask them to pay for any of it. 4 days is a lot to ask people. Are you having your wedding at this villa?

Knottie41409780 · April 2016

The wedding is at the villa - most of our guests are staying nearby at hotels or airbnbs, and we gave all of our villa guests the option of staying anywhere they wanted. Totally understand that four days is a lot to ask, and plenty of other guests are only coming for two nights. It's simply that we asked people who chose to stay in the villa to come for all four nights (and, again, gave them plenty of other options if they wanted to stay elsewhere). But it sounds like we already broke etiquette according to TK?!

glasgowtolondon · April 2016

Yes, I would agree that you shouldn't have put any pressure for anyone to stay in costly accommodation, even though you say they didn't have to. The expectation was given, and that can be very hard to say no to. I don't say that to be harsh, just to give you an idea of what your friends may be thinking. I've been in a similar situation, and it is quite hard to say no when you feel you will be letting people you love down.

Unfortunately I think you need to accept that these guests can only stay for 3 nights and cover the cost of the fourth yourself. Three nights is a more than acceptable time for these guests to stay for your wedding. If you push this you run the risk of affecting this relationship. From their POV they have already paid for flights, travelled, probably taken time off work, taken a holiday that was not their choice to take, bought new clothes, and a gift. It's enough.

Knottie41409780 · April 2016

Thanks! That's really helpful.

LondonLisa · April 2016

Knottie41409780 said:

The wedding is at the villa - most of our guests are staying nearby at hotels or airbnbs, and we gave all of our villa guests the option of staying anywhere they wanted. Totally understand that four days is a lot to ask, and plenty of other guests are only coming for two nights. It's simply that we asked people who chose to stay in the villa to come for all four nights (and, again, gave them plenty of other options if they wanted to stay elsewhere). But it sounds like we already broke etiquette according to TK?!

If it is your wedding venue, then the cost of renting it is your venue hire cost and solely your responsibility. You cannot ask anyone to pay to stay. You're asking these people to subsidise the cost of your wedding.

JellyBean52513 · April 2016

I agree that you shouldn't ask people to pay anything at all. Imagine if all of those guests declined to stay at the villa and got rooms elsewhere, then you would be stuck paying for the whole thing yourselves anyway. You were prepared for that possibility, since you insisted they could stay elsewhere from the beginning, so I think you need to pay for the cost and remove financial responsibility from your guests for something you would've had to pay for anyway. It sounds like a beautiful wedding, I hope you and all of your guests enjoy DR together!

charlotte989875 · April 2016

when did they agree to this? It's still 4 weeks until your wedding and even though it's a destination wedding people's travel plans change, especially if you asked for plans months out from the wedding.

If if they can only stay three nights you should respect that. Not doing so will impact your relationship if you try and insist they pay for accommodations they will not be using.

kvruns · April 2016

If no one had opted to stay in the villa would you still have rented the villa (and thus paid yourself) or would you have found a different location? How many people can stay in this villa?

ScottishSarah · April 2016

I would just suck up the extra night tbh. I had to rent all the accommodation at my venue to get exclusive use, so we have just added that on to our venue costs IYKWIM? I would feel weird charging guests for their stay when I booked it because I wanted the whole place. Plus it's probably a drop in the ocean when you look at the bigger picture, HTH.

ScottishSarah · April 2016

Think how pleased they will be to get to stay there

SP29 · April 2016

Pay for the 4th night.

Knottie41409780 · April 2016

Thanks all, this put things into perspective.

Guest accommodation $$ etiquette?

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