Who pays for bachelorette party?

[Deleted User] · April 2016

Hey all! I know it's rude to ask guests to pay for anything at all, but I'm seeing a lot of mixed information on exactly ~who~ pays for a bachelorette party. I'm thinking of planning a Muse Paint Bar party followed by casual drinks/dancing at bars in the area for my sister's bachelorette... in this case, is it still rude to ask people to bring money? If not, how do I communicate this to people... do I include it in the invitation, or word of mouth? Head count is 12 people.

crowsgirl15 · April 2016

I'm not 100% sure of the etiquette (so hopefully someone will tell me if I'm wrong!) - when I planned a bachelorette for my BFF, I contacted each guest separately to discuss plans and whether they were comfortable with chipping in x amount of money for the events. I then planned the party around those conversations.

I think as long as you make it a discussion with the guests and don't dictate "this is what we're doing, this is what it will cost" you're good. In other words, call up the guests (or e-mail) and say "I'm thinking a Muse Paint Bar party and bar hopping, what do you think? If we did that, it would cost $x.xx per person, including splitting the bride's cost" and then go from there. You should also give them the option of joining you after the Muse Paint Bar part of the evening if that isn't something they want to pay for.

But I could be off base here!

JediElizabeth · April 2016

crowsgirl15 said:

I'm not 100% sure of the etiquette (so hopefully someone will tell me if I'm wrong!) - when I planned a bachelorette for my BFF, I contacted each guest separately to discuss plans and whether they were comfortable with chipping in x amount of money for the events. I then planned the party around those conversations.

I think as long as you make it a discussion with the guests and don't dictate "this is what we're doing, this is what it will cost" you're good. In other words, call up the guests (or e-mail) and say "I'm thinking a Muse Paint Bar party and bar hopping, what do you think? If we did that, it would cost $x.xx per person, including splitting the bride's cost" and then go from there. You should also give them the option of joining you after the Muse Paint Bar part of the evening if that isn't something they want to pay for.

But I could be off base here!

I agree with this.

The last bachelorette I was at, we were all asked to bring $x to cover ourselves and the bride. 2 BMs only brought enough to cover themselves. I was in a place where I could cover their portions of the bride's meal & drinks, so I pitched in extra $$$$, but I definitely wish the MOH had discussed the money plans with everyone in advance.

AddieCake · April 2016

In my experience, bachelorette parties are nights out with friends, and everyone pays his or her own way. The bride's portion of some things might be taken care of by the other guests.

ernursej · April 2016

I always assume that when I attend a bachelorette, I'm going to be chipping in for my portion plus part of the bride's. I do like the idea of contacting guests privately and getting information out that way.

TrixieJess · April 2016

When I've gone to Bachlorettes, usually the BP pays for the bride and themselves, and all the other guests pay for themselves.

jacques27 · April 2016

Everyone pay their own way, however, I think there is an exception to this.

If you're the host of the party and you decide to plan something expensive and elaborate figuring everyone will chip in and you're not upfront about that and clearing that with the people invited beforehand, then you're on the hook for it. So for example, the events you planned are perfectly fine and I think budget friendly as long as you're upfront about the costs ahead of time - they can choose to decline/accept. But if they all show up to your house and you decided it would be fun to have a party bus take you to all your events, then you're on the hook for that party bus if you didn't clear it and get agreement from everyone first that they wanted to chip in and pay for that.

Generally speaking, for bachelorettes, we all take turn buying drinks or chipping in, but if I were hosting the party, I would personally plan on paying everything for the bride myself (which is what I do) and then consider it a nice surprise if other people chip in to cover her costs. As the host, I don't think you can really bill others for the cost of the bride.

kimmiinthemitten · April 2016

'It's always been understood in my group that bachelorettes are each person on their own. I agree with @jacques27. If you were planning something dedicated, i.e. limo bus, house for weekend, getaway etc, then I would privately ask for everyone's budget and buy in ahead of time.

If you're doing an event (dinner, painting with a twist, etc) and then bar hopping, I would just invite everyone and let them know the plans and costs and they can drop in or out as it fits their schedule/budget.

SP29 · April 2016

I have always paid my own way- but at the same time, I have never been told, "Your cost is X".

I think as long as you let guests know the plan is to go to Paint Night, then out to the bars, it's on the guests. With Paint Night, I would let guests know, it's $X for the session, at the time of invitation.

I think the host should be prepared to cover to the cost of the bride, though I think in most circles, everyone chips in for the bride.

I think if someone is planning something that involves a determined or upfront cost, the host needs to contact each person individually to discuss budget and then plan from there. Likewise, any costs need to be stated upfront before people accept the invitation. Never OK to tell guests "we're taking a limo to this club where we're getting bottle service.....Oh btw, you owe me $X". This to me is much different than "let's all meet at X restaurant and then head over to Y bar". It's up to each guest how much or little they wish to spend, the cost varies.

One B party I went to, I was still in school, where as everyone else in attendance was working. Lots of the other guests bought rounds for everyone at the bar and paid for everything for the bride. I was not in a financial position to do so, so I did not. I paid for myself and kept the drinks to a minimum.

In the case of inviting guests to someone's home, the host is responsible for covering food and drink. Unless there are multiple hosts, I would never tell a guest to come to my house for a party, but bring their own food.

banana468 · April 2016

I agree with the others. I've always paid my own way plus a little something for the bride but I've never been invoiced by someone in the wedding party either.

If you're wanting to do a paint night then I'd make it clear that paint night will cost X, dinner will be estimated to be Y and then extras are Z. Then you can get a feel for what does or doesn't make sense from the the rest of the guests.

IMO, some of the best parties don't need to be elaborate to be fun.

[Deleted User] · April 2016

Okay, awesome! Thank you for all your input! From what I'm understanding, it sounds like it'll be okay for me to communicate with my sister's guests beforehand and inform them of the cost of the paint night. I also like the idea of letting them know that they're more than welcome to join for drinks and dancing afterwards if they aren't comfortable with the cost of the paint night. Thanks again for all your help!

kvruns · April 2016

Is this one of those wine/painting parties? If so I'd probably say we are going to Paint at 4pm to 7pm. If you would like to join it is $35 each or whatever it costs per person. Otherwise we would love to see you at XYZ restaurant or bar at 7:30

im invited to one at the end of the month at a swanky hotel spa. You can sign up for a spa service or come later for a wine tasting event or for dinner/drinks out later. Invitees are responsible for own costs and I think it said something about splitting room costs depending on how many stay. Though it also said they're renting a suite room for hanging out and pre gaming between events so I don't know who is paying for that or if they expect people to chip in

SP29 · April 2016

scribe95 said:

I think the etiquette is simple when discussing more traditional Bachelorette nights out - everyone pays for their own food and drink and people offer to cover the brides. But frankly the larger and more complicated they have gotten it is confusing.

I saw a post the other day where the "host" was buying novelty cups and shirts for the guests. To me that's on the person hosting - not the attendees.

I have only been to two. Both were nights out where I paid for my own drinks etc. One had a homemade dinner at a hosts' house first and the host paid for that. One had a limo and in the invite said an amount everyone would pay for the limo. So I had a choice on that - attend and chip in for limo or not attend. I liked knowing that detail up front.

I agree. Keep it simple. Otherwise you run into issues with someone planning something for the bride using other people's money. Anytime I have heard of a friend going on one of these extended getaways, it never sounds completely fine. Guest feel obligated to go. Sure, maybe they do have a good time, but someone is complaining about how expensive it is.

OP- I think what you're planning is great. Local, gives people the option to attend or not. Minimal "required" costs (only paint night), and guests will know up front.

Who pays for bachelorette party?

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