NWR-How do I ask about gas money?

scrunchythief · April 2016

So I recently carpooled on a trip with a friend. We were going to different nearby places around the same time, so we thought it'd be good to coordinate and drive together. City A, where I was staying was an hour farther from my home than City B, where she was staying. I'd planned to make 2 day trips to City B, which has a lot of museums, and drop her off, pick her up then.

At the last minute, after we got to our destination, she had to leave earlier in the day, so to get home in time, I had to cancel my day trip and just drive 2 hours, round trip to pick her up. Not ideal, but I'd rather it than my friend missing the very important thing she needed to do. Then, the gas money she gave didn't even cover the extra driving I had to to do to go to City B, let alone her share of the main trip.

I know some of this is my fault. I could've spoken up about the gas money at the time, and I think that ship has sailed. But I feel really taken advantage of, especially since I did a lot of extra driving with my 7 month old in the car, not an easy thing. But I've done this with friends in the same group, and have never had problems with the unspoken assumption that people will contribute fairly to the gas costs.

What could I do in the future to ask about gas money? Apart from not carpooling with this friend again, which I already plan to never do.

flantastic · April 2016

In the future, before you take off, just say "How do you want to handle splitting the gas cost?"

Then that leaves it open to her buying every other tank (if necessary) or saying "Tell me how much it was and I'll give you half" or whatever. It closes (unless someone is bold) the possibility of her saying "Here's a 10 for the gas."

MesmrEwe · April 2016

You have your answer - and also one of the many reasons I don't carpool with people even before kids... Honestly, drop it, and just leave it go... OTOH, you never know when she legitimately didn't know what the cost of gas is, I had that happen one time and my brother railed into me about it - quite honestly, I was used to driving a vehicle that got 33-35MPG highway so for me it was double what I'd put into the tank for that same trip is what I gave the guy - unless someone tells you she may not know...

jacques27 · April 2016

Don't rely on psychic connectivity to communicate your assumptions. Maybe she assumed since you were driving farther than her stop, which sounds like it was on the way, that you would have been spending roughly that amount anyway and she viewed the money she gave you as a bonus for the inconvenience of having an extra passenger. Or she thought a different split than 50/50 was more fair because of that. Or maybe she didn't know the exact costs.

You were basically entering into a business arrangement or contract and chose to not outline those terms beforehand. In the future, when you're coordinating the carpool, talk about how you'll split up the costs before you even get in the car. Don't leave money conversations for the last moment or after the fact and don't assume everyone thinks exactly just like you.

scrunchythief · April 2016

jacques27 said:

Don't rely on psychic connectivity to communicate your assumptions. Maybe she assumed since you were driving farther than her stop, which sounds like it was on the way, that you would have been spending roughly that amount anyway and she viewed the money she gave you as a bonus for the inconvenience of having an extra passenger. Or she thought a different split than 50/50 was more fair because of that. Or maybe she didn't know the exact costs.

You were basically entering into a business arrangement or contract and chose to not outline those terms beforehand. In the future, when you're coordinating the carpool, talk about how you'll split up the costs before you even get in the car. Don't leave money conversations for the last moment or after the fact and don't assume everyone thinks exactly just like you.

Sorry I wasn't clear. I drove an hour past my stop to get to her stop. But I agree I should bring it up first. I'd just never had to other times I've carpooled and didn't know how to do it. And I didn't expect her to guess the exact costs, but it was less than $10. When I've carpooled before, I've never had someone be that off.

But I agree I either need to suck it up and talk about money beforehand, or not carpool in the future.

scrunchythief · April 2016

Double post

lembaslover · April 2016

That's really shitty of her, I agree I'd never carpool with her again. I like the suggestions of bringing it up first.

However I can totally get why you wouldn't think you need to mention it, I used to carpool on different trips in college and we never really discussed it first just all pitched in after we divided the gas receipts. When I was a passenger with carpools I would give the driver a little over half or buy their lunch on the road or something b/c honestly I appreciate the fact they drove and I was able to be a passenger and look out the window instead of focus on keeping everyone safe...

NWR-How do I ask about gas money?

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