Wednesday

Heffalump · April 2016

Almost halfway there, ladies. I think I can, I think I can...

What's going on? I have to give a presentation tomorrow, and it has been weighing on me. Can't wait until that's over. DS has a parent-teacher-conference tomorrow a.m., first thing, and then pretty much the rest of my morning will be a meeting unrelated to my p.m. presentation.

I am so tired this week, for some reason. DH too. Friday can't get here fast enough.

Did I mention that my brother met a British girl at a big work meeting, and now they are LDR? He's flying out to visit her next month.

missJeanLouise · April 2016

I was woken up by a SWAT team this morning! They weren't really that close to my house but the way the road bends and without many leaves on the trees, sound carries. I was bummed because I had to go to work and l want to know what happened. Last I heard, they were threatening entry because there was still a child inside and the dude had stopped making contact with them.

Other than that, I have a 5k on sunday that is going to kill me. It's been nice knowing y'all.

NOLABridesmaid · April 2016

I am tired too. I have Monday off, which is nice. Summer can't get here fast enough.

sparklepants41 · April 2016

Happy Wednesday!

@missJeanLouise that sounds scary - I hope the SWAT situation is resolved with no one getting hurt!

I was going to be sick today, but then someone had to go and schedule a meeting that I just could not miss. Sigh. I will have to be sick some other day. Preferably when it's not 19 degrees out for Pete's sake.

@Heffalump I am also exhausted. Really looking forward to my typical Friday night routine - falling asleep on the couch by 9pm!

bleve0821 · April 2016

I woke up this morning to a text from my mother telling me my uncle (her brother) fell down the stairs and is going into surgery. Apparently, he's been in the hospital for quite a while. He has several broken ribs, a couple fractured vertebrae including C4, he's on a ventilator, they identified a brain bleed, and now has three strains of pneumonia in his system. I think they just want to put a trach tube in, but I'm not sure.

I don't know that she would have even told me, except that she was supposed to pick me up from the airport this evening and can't do it now.

At least I have 35 outstanding RSVPs to hunt down as a distraction. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to check a box on a card, stick it in the pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope and walk it to the mailbox.

ETA: Sorry to be a downer. I'm just upset about my uncle and a little pissed at my mother for not telling me. We have a weird family dynamic but he's still family, damn it.

ChelleJayne · April 2016

There is a fire across the lake right now, so everything in town smells like it.

Tonight, FI, my mom and I are going to dinner with my great aunts and uncle before they leave to go back to Oregon. They normally spend November to May down on the river, but are going home early because they will be coming down earlier to help with my wedding in November.

My brain hasn't caught up to my body yet this morning. And I woke up to a Charlie Horse in my calf, such a good morning. I think I scared FI more than anything when I jumped out of bed haha.

I need some new ideas for dinner lately and there are so many different things on Pinterest. FI is on a special diet (no sugar, wheat, dairy, etc.) because he got black mold poisoning which led to the diagnosis of Myasthenia Gravis. So we are doing a version of the Paleo diet, but dear God I miss pasta.

VarunaTT · April 2016

@missJeanLouise That is frightening! I hope it all resolves safely.

@atomicblonde *vibes* for your uncle and his doctors. Those are pretty scary diagnoses.

Work is becoming so stressful. Diva is so good at the passive aggressive, "I'm just trying to make you better," BS. He pulled in another attorney to discuss one of my work products and how it was terrible. While it does look like I missed something and I'll take the fault for it (I haven't verified it myself yet), I also was able to point to things that he said I missed, that I didn't. It's exhausting, always having to be on the defensive. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet.

Other than that, SSDD.

missJeanLouise · April 2016

@sparklepants41 and @VarunaTT me too.

@AtomicBlonde I am sorry to hear about your uncle, I hope you have a positive update soon.

@ChelleJayne eggplant lasagna? I don't have a recipe but PBS posted one the other day that looked bomb AF. I will see if I can find it.

Eta. It was zucchini lasagna and I missed the part about him being non- dairy. http://www.pbs.org/food/recipes/zucchini-lasagna/

bleve0821 · April 2016

@ChelleJayne I recently discovered lentil pasta (at Sam's Club, of all places!). FI hates it but OMG SO GOOD. It's stickier than traditional boxed pasta, but grain free! High fiber, high protein, and the Tolerant product brand supposedly makes black bean pasta, too.

ChelleJayne · April 2016

missJeanLouise said:

@ChelleJayne eggplant lasagna? I don't have a recipe but PBS posted one the other day that looked bomb AF. I will see if I can find it.

That sounds amazing! I might have to try and find the recipe for it.

AtomicBlonde said:

@ChelleJayne I recently discovered lentil pasta (at Sam's Club, of all places!). FI hates it but OMG SO GOOD. It's stickier than traditional boxed pasta, but grain free! High fiber, high protein, and the Tolerant product brand supposedly makes black bean pasta, too.

I'm going to have to check this out. FI goes to Sam's Club a lot, so maybe I'll go with him to try and find either of these. If I can get him to eat either of them, I will be one happy girl haha.. I always have pasta sauce frozen (because when I make it, I make enough for an army).

princessleia22 · April 2016

missJeanLouise said:

I was woken up by a SWAT team this morning! They weren't really that close to my house but the way the road bends and without many leaves on the trees, sound carries. I was bummed because I had to go to work and l want to know what happened. Last I heard, they were threatening entry because there was still a child inside and the dude had stopped making contact with them.

There was a shooting less than a mile from my house last night. Apparently there were police cars all over the area searching for the shooter all night long (still haven't found him)... somehow I slept right through it all.

I finally slept last night! I've been getting at most 2-3 hours of sleep each night since Friday and I finally got a full 8 hours last night. I woke up a bit disoriented and felt like I had a sleep hangover for a bit, but now I am good. I'm currently waiting on my doctor office to call me to schedule a sleep study because I've had sleeping issues for years.

Work is insane this week. I have a lot of high urgency projects and not enough time to deal with them all. And have issues on some that are out of my control, but cause me insane frustrations.

DH and I were planning on going fishing this coming weekend, but as usual, it is now planning to rain, so fishing trip is off. We live in AZ. We haven't had rain in months. But, as soon as we try to plan a weekend outside, it decides that it wants to rain all weekend. It seems to always happen like that for us.

Lala9414 · April 2016

I thought today was Thursday, needless to say I was quite disappointed to learn it in fact is only Wednesday. I've been having a really hard week, long story short. FI decided that we should both move out of our apartment and back into our parents house to save money for the wedding and a better apartment where we won't have to have roommates. And because of him finding himself with God again and wants to "do things the right way". Now I'm religious as well but I mean I've been with him for almost 6 years. I think it's okay for us to live together before we get married, but it means a lot to him so I agreed. Well holy cow, this is taking it's toll on me. I feel like crying like EVERYDAY which, is kind of out of place kind of not since I tend to cry easily. But geez, I feel like I'm going to have an emotional break down!

ugh sorry for the rant, I haven't really talked about this and I really need a safe space to get it off my chest.

*Barbie* · April 2016

Lala9414 said:

I thought today was Thursday, needless to say I was quite disappointed to learn it in fact is only Wednesday. I've been having a really hard week, long story short. FI decided that we should both move out of our apartment and back into our parents house to save money for the wedding and a better apartment where we won't have to have roommates. And because of him finding himself with God again and wants to "do things the right way". Now I'm religious as well but I mean I've been with him for almost 6 years. I think it's okay for us to live together before we get married, but it means a lot to him so I agreed. Well holy cow, this is taking it's toll on me. I feel like crying like EVERYDAY which, is kind of out of place kind of not since I tend to cry easily. But geez, I feel like I'm going to have an emotional break down!

ugh sorry for the rant, I haven't really talked about this and I really need a safe space to get it off my chest.

****RED FLAG**** He's making sudden unilateral decisions that have a major impact on the relationship and your emotional well-being? you might want to think about if you're ok with this for the duration of the marriage.

Not much going on with me today. Work has been slow this week. ILs left yesterday, so it will be nice for us to get our home back again. Had a migraine last night, but doing better today. We're trying to decide what to do this weekend - we're leaving towards a day at the zoo or a wildflower drive to see the bluebonnets - maybe both.

Heffalump · April 2016

*Barbie* said:

Lala9414 said:

I thought today was Thursday, needless to say I was quite disappointed to learn it in fact is only Wednesday. I've been having a really hard week, long story short. FI decided that we should both move out of our apartment and back into our parents house to save money for the wedding and a better apartment where we won't have to have roommates. And because of him finding himself with God again and wants to "do things the right way". Now I'm religious as well but I mean I've been with him for almost 6 years. I think it's okay for us to live together before we get married, but it means a lot to him so I agreed. Well holy cow, this is taking it's toll on me. I feel like crying like EVERYDAY which, is kind of out of place kind of not since I tend to cry easily. But geez, I feel like I'm going to have an emotional break down!

ugh sorry for the rant, I haven't really talked about this and I really need a safe space to get it off my chest.

****RED FLAG**** He's making sudden unilateral decisions that have a major impact on the relationship and your emotional well-being? you might want to think about if you're ok with this for the duration of the marriage.

So much this. I mean, it's one thing for his beliefs to change or evolve or whatever. But have you told him how this change has affected you? And if so, what was his response?

bleve0821 · April 2016

Heffalump said:

*Barbie* said:

Lala9414 said:

I thought today was Thursday, needless to say I was quite disappointed to learn it in fact is only Wednesday. I've been having a really hard week, long story short. FI decided that we should both move out of our apartment and back into our parents house to save money for the wedding and a better apartment where we won't have to have roommates. And because of him finding himself with God again and wants to "do things the right way". Now I'm religious as well but I mean I've been with him for almost 6 years. I think it's okay for us to live together before we get married, but it means a lot to him so I agreed. Well holy cow, this is taking it's toll on me. I feel like crying like EVERYDAY which, is kind of out of place kind of not since I tend to cry easily. But geez, I feel like I'm going to have an emotional break down!

ugh sorry for the rant, I haven't really talked about this and I really need a safe space to get it off my chest.

****RED FLAG**** He's making sudden unilateral decisions that have a major impact on the relationship and your emotional well-being? you might want to think about if you're ok with this for the duration of the marriage.
So much this. I mean, it's one thing for his beliefs to change or evolve or whatever. But have you told him how this change has affected you? And if so, what was his response?

All of this. I read this and was immediately concerned. I understand we're not getting the full story, but reading this stopped me in my tracks. If you haven't spoken with your FI, you should. ASAP.

Lala9414 · April 2016

I have told him, and he has apologized everyday since. He said he didn't mean to hurt me, he was trying to better our future. He is now reconsidering his timeline to hopefully get married sooner and be together sooner. He does seem to regret it now and is very attentive to my feelings, so that's the only reason I don't see it as a red flag. I know I have a lot of emotional instability, I'm going to therapy to work on it. I have abandonment issues because of my dad and I think this somehow triggered it, so I'm dealing with it and he's trying to make it better. He didn't think it would trigger anything since I've been doing so well the past few years and he feels completely horrible that it did. Hell I feel horrible that it did. I can't put all the blame on him, I did agree to it as well but it still fucking sucks

ETA: thank you ladies for your concern because your right it did look like a red flag the way I wrote it

6fsn · April 2016

I got nothing after that.

6fsn · April 2016

OK- A little work gossip. They let someone go yesterday at 4 for a violation of company policy. At 4:15 I got a slew of texts with new passwords for everyone. One needed to be reset. By 5:15 I couldn't get into the account anymore and we had to request help.

Apparently the firing didn't go well.

ShesSoCold · April 2016

So, @lala9414, he decided you BOTH needed to move back in with your parents, you disagree, but did it anyway and now he's apologizing so it's okay? And you're engaged but no date is set and it's 100% up to him?

Your follow-up post did nothing but raise more flags.

Edited for typo

*Barbie* · April 2016

ShesSoCold said:

So, @lala9414, he decided you BOTH needed to move back in with your parents, you disagree, but did it anyway and now he's apologizing so it's okay? And you're engaged but no date is set and it's 100% up to him?
Your follow-up post did nothing but raise more flags.
Edited for typo

yeah, ditto ^^^^

It sucks that you have a difficult past/abandonment issues and it's good that you're in therapy to deal with it; however, it sounds like you have absolutely no control over your relationship. It doesn't sound like a partnership, it sounds like a dictatorship.

Did you discuss the current situation with your therapist? If not, you should.

Your first post and the follow-up (other than the "fucking sucks") are giving off a weird Duggar/quiverfull/the man is the umbrella sort-of vibe.

. Lala9414 said:

I have told him, and he has apologized everyday since. He said he didn't mean to hurt me, he was trying to better our future. He is now reconsidering his timeline to hopefully get married sooner and be together sooner. He does seem to regret it now and is very attentive to my feelings, so that's the only reason I don't see it as a red flag. I know I have a lot of emotional instability, I'm going to therapy to work on it. I have abandonment issues because of my dad and I think this somehow triggered it, so I'm dealing with it and he's trying to make it better. He didn't think it would trigger anything since I've been doing so well the past few years and he feels completely horrible that it did. Hell I feel horrible that it did. I can't put all the blame on him, I did agree to it as well but it still fucking sucks

ETA: thank you ladies for your concern because your right it did look like a red flag the way I wrote it

Lala9414 · April 2016

ShesSoCold said:

So, @lala9414, he decided you BOTH needed to move back in with your parents, you disagree, but did it anyway and now he's apologizing so it's okay? And you're engaged but no date is set and it's 100% up to him?
Your follow-up post did nothing but raise more flags.
Edited for typo

Ugh I totally didn't explain myself fully and I apologize, was trying to condense the long as story. I'll do my best to keep it brief but still explain the situation. We took premarital classes that was a gift from his parents through our church, and they advised that all couples living together shouldn't because of us living in sin ect. So FI is really trying to get back into his faith as am I but obviously I don't agree with some of the things that goes on in our faith/church. He and I talked about it and he brought up some valid points on why he wanted to do this, I didn't agree with a few of them. But ultimately the money situation was becoming hard for us and we had to postpone our original wedding (was going to be august of this year) due to some really unexpected financial situations that came up. So that is why I agreed to move back as well because I'd like to get back on track and start planning the wedding again (we were projecting winter of 2017). I would've moved in with him at his parents but his dad is very much following his faith and saying if we aren't married I can't live with him so that was a no go. My mom would've taken us in but couldn't because she doesn't have the space. So in order to get back to where I'd like to be I said okay to moving back as well after talking about it more, still not happy that we would be apart but seeing the bigger picture made sense. Now that I'm not doing okay with it and he just started a new job that pays much more, he is hoping we both can save up faster and get married sooner. It's not 100 % up to him as I made it seem, he's just trying to give us the wedding we would like vs the wedding our budget allows. Hopefully this helped to clear up some things.

Lala9414 · April 2016

*Barbie* said:

ShesSoCold said:

So, @lala9414, he decided you BOTH needed to move back in with your parents, you disagree, but did it anyway and now he's apologizing so it's okay? And you're engaged but no date is set and it's 100% up to him?
Your follow-up post did nothing but raise more flags.
Edited for typo

yeah, ditto ^^^^

It sucks that you have a difficult past/abandonment issues and it's good that you're in therapy to deal with it; however, it sounds like you have absolutely no control over your relationship. It doesn't sound like a partnership, it sounds like a dictatorship.

Did you discuss the current situation with your therapist? If not, you should.

Your first post and the follow-up (other than the "fucking sucks") are giving off a weird Duggar/quiverfull/the man is the umbrella sort-of vibe.

No I do have control and say in our relationship, it was a mutual decision but I'm not handling it well. I really appreciate everyone's concern because now that you point it out I see how it looks very wrong. We are very much in a partnership and make all of our decisions together. If I would've really put my foot down and said no to moving, we'd be in a really bad spot right now and he was trying to look out for us. Also, yes I have discussed the issue in full with my therapist and she hasn't brought up any concerns that it seems controlling, however I've had more time to explain everything that's going on with her. I'm sorry I'm so horrible at explaining things over the internet lol! She has also had a one on one session with FI to discuss things with him in regards to everything

ShesSoCold · April 2016

I'm not a therapist and I know that every relationship is different so I'm gunna shut my mouth now, (well, in a minute) but I do want to say, lala, that your feelings are valid. All your feelings. About anything. You've apologized to us a few times in this post and your posts are coming across like you feel silly for your feelings and it's something you need to fix. The sooner you acknowledge your feelings and stop trying to change or suppress them, the better you'll feel.

Good luck - moving back home would be HORRIBLE for me. I mean, there is no "home" to go back to for me now, but when there was? Fuck, Ida lived in my car before I went back home.

scrunchythief · April 2016

Lala9414 said:

*Barbie* said:

ShesSoCold said:

So, @lala9414, he decided you BOTH needed to move back in with your parents, you disagree, but did it anyway and now he's apologizing so it's okay? And you're engaged but no date is set and it's 100% up to him?
Your follow-up post did nothing but raise more flags.
Edited for typo

yeah, ditto ^^^^

It sucks that you have a difficult past/abandonment issues and it's good that you're in therapy to deal with it; however, it sounds like you have absolutely no control over your relationship. It doesn't sound like a partnership, it sounds like a dictatorship.

Did you discuss the current situation with your therapist? If not, you should.

Your first post and the follow-up (other than the "fucking sucks") are giving off a weird Duggar/quiverfull/the man is the umbrella sort-of vibe.

No I do have control and say in our relationship, it was a mutual decision but I'm not handling it well. I really appreciate everyone's concern because now that you point it out I see how it looks very wrong. We are very much in a partnership and make all of our decisions together. If I would've really put my foot down and said no to moving, we'd be in a really bad spot right now and he was trying to look out for us. Also, yes I have discussed the issue in full with my therapist and she hasn't brought up any concerns that it seems controlling, however I've had more time to explain everything that's going on with her. I'm sorry I'm so horrible at explaining things over the internet lol! She has also had a one on one session with FI to discuss things with him in regards to everything

So DH and I are very religious and waited longer than we would've like to get married, though in the end I think the wait was best. We didn't want to live together before marriage, but due to unforeseen medical, emotional and financial problems, moving in together about halfway through our 2 year engagement became the best realistic possibility for us. We lived as "brother and sister" with separate bedrooms. Would something like that be a possibility?

Alternatively, if you two are emotionally and financially ready for marriage (and that if should have a lot of thought behind it), I might consider moving up the wedding and having what you can afford sooner, rather than the dream wedding later. Our engagement was so long to allow us to get into a better emotional and financial state for marriage. We also went to "premarital" counseling before we were even engaged, and went to lots more after that and we read a ton. If had just been about saving for the wedding, and it was causing problems, we would've moved up the date and had a very, very simple service with immediate family/best friends.

Lala9414 · April 2016

scrunchythief said:

Lala9414 said:

*Barbie* said:

ShesSoCold said:

So, @lala9414, he decided you BOTH needed to move back in with your parents, you disagree, but did it anyway and now he's apologizing so it's okay? And you're engaged but no date is set and it's 100% up to him?
Your follow-up post did nothing but raise more flags.
Edited for typo

yeah, ditto ^^^^

It sucks that you have a difficult past/abandonment issues and it's good that you're in therapy to deal with it; however, it sounds like you have absolutely no control over your relationship. It doesn't sound like a partnership, it sounds like a dictatorship.

Did you discuss the current situation with your therapist? If not, you should.

Your first post and the follow-up (other than the "fucking sucks") are giving off a weird Duggar/quiverfull/the man is the umbrella sort-of vibe.

No I do have control and say in our relationship, it was a mutual decision but I'm not handling it well. I really appreciate everyone's concern because now that you point it out I see how it looks very wrong. We are very much in a partnership and make all of our decisions together. If I would've really put my foot down and said no to moving, we'd be in a really bad spot right now and he was trying to look out for us. Also, yes I have discussed the issue in full with my therapist and she hasn't brought up any concerns that it seems controlling, however I've had more time to explain everything that's going on with her. I'm sorry I'm so horrible at explaining things over the internet lol! She has also had a one on one session with FI to discuss things with him in regards to everything

So DH and I are very religious and waited longer than we would've like to get married, though in the end I think the wait was best. We didn't want to live together before marriage, but due to unforeseen medical, emotional and financial problems, moving in together about halfway through our 2 year engagement became the best realistic possibility for us. We lived as "brother and sister" with separate bedrooms. Would something like that be a possibility?

Alternatively, if you two are emotionally and financially ready for marriage (and that if should have a lot of thought behind it), I might consider moving up the wedding and having what you can afford sooner, rather than the dream wedding later. Our engagement was so long to allow us to get into a better emotional and financial state for marriage. We also went to "premarital" counseling before we were even engaged, and went to lots more after that and we read a ton. If had just been about saving for the wedding, and it was causing problems, we would've moved up the date and had a very, very simple service with immediate family/best friends.

This is what we are considering right now, with his new job that he started we just have to wait to still save up to properly host our family/friends after the ceremony. I would also like to wait right now because my emotions are all over the place that's why I'm doing therapy right now. But yes we have definitely been talking about marriage for awhile, and other than this financial set back and no my emotional one that I'm trying to work on we were ready before hand.

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