Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
![[Deleted User]](/)
[Deleted User]
member
Part Rant/Part Advice Needed?
Our close family friends all have daughters that have gotten married already and had children, which means that I have happily attended and paid for all bridal showers, wedding gifts, baby showers, etc. I was raised by a single mom so some of these friends are her close friends and others are people that have known me since I was a child.
I'm excited to invite all of them to the wedding because I know how important they are to my mom and have always been supportive of both of us. My mom is contributing financially so I want her to invite whoever she wants as well. My wedding however will be almost two hours away from where most of these family friends live and because the Fall is busy season all hotels require a two night min stay for the weekend. The cheapest hotels I could find are at least $200 a night and I know many of them don't have the means to cover both nights plus I know they will want to give me a cash gift. I have enough funds to cover one night of the "two night minimum" so that those guests end up only paying $200 as opposed to the $400+ the hotel requires. When I told my mom this, her response was "ok we'll see, $200 is still a lot of money." I reminded her that I wasn't having a bridal shower and when you add up the cost of what we had collectively spent on their kid's wedding (bridal shower, staying overnight in $100 a night hotel plus generous cash gifts) my wedding ends up being cheaper for them. She responded by saying "people aren't going to think of it that way". She is being super passive aggressive and I don't know how else to deal with this or approach the subject so I'm looking for advice.
I'm excited to invite all of them to the wedding because I know how important they are to my mom and have always been supportive of both of us. My mom is contributing financially so I want her to invite whoever she wants as well. My wedding however will be almost two hours away from where most of these family friends live and because the Fall is busy season all hotels require a two night min stay for the weekend. The cheapest hotels I could find are at least $200 a night and I know many of them don't have the means to cover both nights plus I know they will want to give me a cash gift. I have enough funds to cover one night of the "two night minimum" so that those guests end up only paying $200 as opposed to the $400+ the hotel requires. When I told my mom this, her response was "ok we'll see, $200 is still a lot of money." I reminded her that I wasn't having a bridal shower and when you add up the cost of what we had collectively spent on their kid's wedding (bridal shower, staying overnight in $100 a night hotel plus generous cash gifts) my wedding ends up being cheaper for them. She responded by saying "people aren't going to think of it that way". She is being super passive aggressive and I don't know how else to deal with this or approach the subject so I'm looking for advice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Part Rant/Part Advice Needed?
I can't quote but there's really nothing you can do. If they were this important, you should have considered that when you planned your wedding in a location that would require an expensive hotel stay.
Also, I would be SO uncomfortable with someone paying for a hotel for me because they knew I was broke. I'd rather not go at all than have someone (let alone my friend's daughter!) pay for my stay.
Are there any hotels that might be a little further away that would be less expensive or not require a 2 night stay & then you could pay for a shuttle service from the hotel to the wedding as something extra for them?
Yeah, I'm with Starmoon. They would know. I mean, picture the conversation.
"Hi, hotel. I'd to book a room".
"We have a 2 night minimum and the price is $200 per night."
"Oh? Even for the Knottie/Fiance wedding?"
"Yes, but can I please get your name?"
"Shirley McMomsfriend"
"Oh......actually no, one night is fine..."
That's not awkward or weird at all..
Just curious: You say all the hotels are at least $200 and require a 2-night stay... How far away are you looking from your venue? Are there literally zero cheaper hotels within a 20-minute drive, or are you only looking at places right next to the venue? Are you only referring to hotel(s) where you reserved room blocks? I am just having a hard time imagining a location where there are multiple hotels that ALL require a 2-night stay and cost $200/night, but where there are not any cheap motels.
Also - if I really wanted to attend a wedding for someone I was close to, and I lived two hours away but did not have enough money to stay at a hotel, I would drive to and from the day-of. Two hours each way might not be ideal, but it is a manageable distance for a day trip.
And I agree with PPs - there really is no way to cover part of their hotel without them knowing.
And I also agree that they will likely know you paid for half the room and it would make me feel bad. I wouldn't do that.
There really isn't any way to cover these people's cost without being insulting, so you just have to let them decide on their own - and if they "see it," as your mom says, that the location was more important than their ease of attendance, they'd be right.
That's not to say your choice of venue was wrong, but it does have implications and consequences.
Even if you did the above (which I am not even sure a hotel would allow), you still can't guarantee that these particular guests will a) choose to attend the wedding or b) get a room in the block before it fills.
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but simply by having a wedding in the Hudson Valley in fall you should have known that the cost may be prohibitive to some guests. If you were dead-set on these people attending from the start, you should have taken into account the costs associated with attending.
My husband and I will be driving there and back the day of, either with family or we'll rent a car and I'll do the driving. 2 hours is annoying but it's preferable to spending $400+ on a hotel room.
Ditto PPs, you picked a far away and expensive location, you have to accept that you'll get some declines because of it. That's what happens, you make your choices and your invitees make theirs. This is why you look into this stuff before booking, if these people were so important to have their you'd make it easier for them to attend/consult them as you consult your VIPs before booking to make sure they're good with the cost/distance.