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Wedding Woes

My secret love secretly loved me too

Dear Prudence,
I was secretly in love with a close guy friend of mine for many years. We’re now in our 30s and both married (to other people) with children. I haven’t heard from him in a while, despite reaching out to him about once a year. I just received a response to my latest attempt to reconnect, in which he admitted to pushing me away because he had been in love with me and it took him a long time to accept that things were not meant to be! I no longer have feelings for him and am happily married. I’m just angry with him for only saying it now. I’m having trouble shaking the feelings of anger and resentment. I haven’t responded yet, and I’m wondering—should I respond and say, surprise, I felt that way too, or just let it go? Even though I’m angry, I don’t know if it is a good idea to basically do the same thing to him at this point in our lives and make him reconsider past actions. But I wonder if being honest will give us both some closure. Or maybe it would just make me feel better to tell him the truth, finally. What do you think?

—Tell Him, or Tell Him Off

Re: My secret love secretly loved me too

  • In college, there was this classmate who flirted with me nonstop for 8 months but never asked me out.  I finally had the guts to ask him out, and he said, "No, I don't really like you that way."  I could have argued, but I just let it go.  After we graduated, he messaged me and admitted he'd liked me the whole effing time.... Know what I said?

    "Thanks.  I'm happy now."


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • Um, why are you angry??? You didn't take any action either? Why does it have to be his responsibility to make the first move?  You didn't say anything back then either, so you have no right to be mad at him for not saying anything.

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  • Yea if she's happily married why is she upset he took until now to tell her? I'd be more upset that he said anything at all and my response would be something along the lines of "Well thank goodness you didn't say anything before, I'm so happy with my husband now" and then drop any more communication with the person. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yeah, why bother even contacting him if she's so happy now? I call bullshit.
                 
  • Yeah, why bother even contacting him if she's so happy now? I call bullshit.
    I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with contacting someone even if you're happily married. I'm happily married and have still added old friends/boyfriends on social media.

    But her anger and resentment over it is unsettling and red flaggish. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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