Do you ever feel like this?

OurWildKingdom · April 2016

Today I feel like I can't do anything right, not at work, with FW, with friends and family, or just in general. Sadly, it's a common feeling for me.

Social media especially bugs me. If I speak up about something, I'm a social justice warrior. If I don't, I'm complicit in the problem. If I unfollow or unfriend people whose posts I find objectionable, I'm a bad digital citizen. If I don't, it poisons my relationship with them outside social media.

Even with FW, I feel like I can't do anything right. She's never been anything but loving and tolerant of my quirks and flaws, but I constantly worry that one day she's going to see what I'm really like and leave me.

And now I'm one of the tiresome, whiny, self-pitying people we all dislike. I'm at the point where I'm considering postponing the wedding till I get some therapy. (OTOH, I want to get married while it's still legal; who knows what will happen after November,)

VarunaTT · April 2016

I struggle with my social media. Especially right now...I can't wait for the primary to be over. And I've had to unfollow some friends who have other friends who like to comment on the "bathroom bills" issues that I can't handle anymore right now.

When I complained that I was turning my FB into an echo chamber b/c I was unfollowing so many people, one friend said that sometimes it's not about building an echo chamber, it's about building a pillow fort. If you're someone that tries to challenge your own biases all the time, if you're constantly searching to educate yourself on your own privilege and deal with that, and all the things that go along with it, sometimes you just need to give yourself a damn break. Self-care is finally being recognized as an important part of advocacy. So, I've basically promised myself that after the primaries are finally over (or the convention, whatever it takes), I'll go back and follow everyone again, no matter what other issues I might have with them.

scrunchythief · April 2016

I feel like that pretty frequently. I tend to try to be perfect, which can't happen, but for some reason I still beat myself up for not attaining it. Anxiety sucks.

With FB, I try to tell myself I do what I can, but it's not worth burning myself out over. If I burn out, then I can't be of help later.

drglitter · April 2016

OurWildKingdom said:

Today I feel like I can't do anything right, not at work, with FW, with friends and family, or just in general. Sadly, it's a common feeling for me.

Social media especially bugs me. If I speak up about something, I'm a social justice warrior. If I don't, I'm complicit in the problem. If I unfollow or unfriend people whose posts I find objectionable, I'm a bad digital citizen. If I don't, it poisons my relationship with them outside social media.

Even with FW, I feel like I can't do anything right. She's never been anything but loving and tolerant of my quirks and flaws, but I constantly worry that one day she's going to see what I'm really like and leave me.

And now I'm one of the tiresome, whiny, self-pitying people we all dislike. I'm at the point where I'm considering postponing the wedding till I get some therapy. (OTOH, I want to get married while it's still legal; who knows what will happen after November,)

We're all quirky flawed people who love other quirky flawed people. I'd be willing to bet your FW loves you BECAUSE of "what [you're] really like".

A social media break and a little @OurWildKingdom time doesn't sound like it'd be a bad idea.

MesmrEwe · April 2016

The chances of anything not being legal after November regardless of what the final vote tally is - slim and none - really - if anything you're going to see government getting out of the marriage business as the next challenge is plural marriages coming up the way. It's a hot-button rallying cry and fundraising tactic for certain sects of the population for both sides (same goes for Abortion, Social Security, Vets benefits, Gun rights)... It's an "us vs. them" topic that makes for good division and arguing for TV ratings, but watch how those issues typically disappear once the election is over - it's the old pageant answer "World Peace!" but the political version.

Maybe a break until after the election for social media - or temporarily block seeing those individuals' posts. I LOVE that feature on FB!! (mind you - I've got party hacks on all sides of the spectrum on my list - but some just have had too much Kool-Aid and I still want to like them without completely unfriending them) Have you considered instead of therapy maybe a vacation - even if it's 2-hours a week that you set aside to go do something to take care of yourself. Go to a movie alone, go "window shop" at the mall, go bowling, Go for a walk in the park, go to the book store, go to the gym and hike on the treadmill while reading a book... Do something that takes care of you as a routine. Journal your feelings... Be your authentic self - it's o.k.! If you want to go the therapy route - make sure you're vetting the person you're working with and if you don't have a good rapport find someone else immediately. There are some who aren't worth the piece of paper on the wall and others who don't have the super expensive piece of paper on the wall who are worth their weight in gold.

princessleia22 · April 2016

I think we all feel that way at times. Lately, I've been feeling that way more often. Like whatever I do just isn't enough.

And I decided a long time ago to be restrictive about my social media friends. I only have Facebook (no Instagram, no Twitter) and I only have around 40 friends on there, mostly family. I have unfriended cousins or other family, or just flat out declined the friend invite. I only friend people that I actually care to see what they are doing in their lives or that I care to know what is going on in mine... that list is pretty small. I have had a couple people that I unfollowed during election time, though. I don't feel any shame in it either. I gotta do what I've gotta do to keep sane.

thisismynickname2 · April 2016

drglitter said:

OurWildKingdom said:

(OTOH, I want to get married while it's still legal; who knows what will happen after November,)

We're all quirky flawed people who love other quirky flawed people. I'd be willing to bet your FW loves you BECAUSE of "what [you're] really like".

A social media break and a little @OurWildKingdom time doesn't sound like it'd be a bad idea.

To the bolded- I LOVE that. I'd agree most of us have those days of self-doubt but we have to remind ourselves that we are who our SOs chose.

Social media- I took a break for Lent and it was so refreshing, particularly as how it was the midst of primary season for my state. I also unfollowed the vast majority of people anyway so now my news feed is more like actual news (like, the local TV stations). Political memes are the worst as they're never true, with all the underlying statistics and stuff. Blugh!

Legal after November-- the Supreme Court has spoken. If religious conservatives haven't managed to overturn Roe v Wade after all these years, they're not going to overturn this either. States that are trying to appeal to their religious conservative populations (i.e. NC, GA lately) are being met with threats of job loss and event loss. Money talks. I really wouldn't worry about this.

*Barbie* · April 2016

I think you need to talk to your partner about what's going on with you and how you're feeling. Consider getting professional help if it's something that has been going on for a while - if you have an EAP through your employer, it would be a good place to start. I think that the overall atmosphere in the US is changing with many more people supporting marriage equality - I don't think the outcome of the Nov. election will have any lasting impact. (As PP have pointed out, the religious crazies/states with the "bathroom" laws have been getting a lot of backlash from the media/corporations - I don't think these will hold up for long.) Don't rush on getting married while you can if you're really not ready, but don't let self doubt hold you back, either.

Re: Facebook, I use the "block posts from" if I don't outright block someone. (I've already filtered out the most toxic people, so that helps.) My sister got annoyed with FB and took a break for a couple of months, came back for a few months, decided it was just as annoying and completely deleted her profile.

Overall, hang in there. I think this is something that everyone experiences at some point or another. Try to take a break from the things that are causing you the added stress and anxiety, and spend time with your partner/do things you enjoy. Seek help if you feel that you need it - it's not going to hurt.

tigerlily6 · April 2016

I'm on my phone where typing much sucks. BUT, did want to pass this on: big hug, @OurWildKingdom! Take care of yourself and know that you are worth loving. Social media drives me nuts, too. I end up going through weird spurts of proactive posting, followed by a long hiatus of me avoiding it. Hang in there. *another BIG hug*

kimmiinthemitten · April 2016

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, those days suck.

It sounds like you just need a break and some you time. Sometimes, we can spread ourselves thin and when that happens there is little left to invest internally.

Fuck your facebook friends and fuck your coworker too! Judgey people will judge, they don't need a reason - they just use the ones at hand. Use FB/SM for whatever you enjoy it for. If they don't like, they can go back to their own page.

Also, I agree with others about talking to your FI, especially since it's giving you cold feet. She loves you, likely for many things you aren't able to see in yourself. @drglitter really said best!

If all of that doesn't work, watch The Bodyguard and eat some fudge ice cream. I find that a good 1990's era pity party always helps me release the negative energy I had been holding onto.

OurWildKingdom · April 2016

Thanks everyone! I'm still feeling really emotional, but better. I took care of a couple things that needed done, went to a meeting, talked to my mother, had a couple good cries. FW made dinner, and now I'm hanging out with the cats. I'm thinking I should go to bed soon, but I don't want to disturb the oldest cat, who's right next to me purring.

((((((((hugs)))))))))))) to all of you!

charlotte989875 · April 2016

I think you'll never make everyone (or anyone for that mater) happy on social media, so the best advice if have is to stop trying. As everyone else said unfollow, hide, limit who can see what you post.

As you can hopefully see from everyone's posts here we all go through rough patches so you're definitely not alone. If you're feeling really down and worried about the timing of the wedding, maybe talking to your FW and a professional (ideally together) probably won't hurt. I'm a firm believer that we all need a little help to get through, and experts are trained to do that most efficiently.

That at being said I think your last post sounds incredibly self-aware; you're doing the things you need to in order to take care of yourself (meetings, family, support, not bottling up emotions, etc). Keep at them.

Oh and I make it a point to never move a sleeping cat.

bleve0821 · April 2016

Sometimes, I feel like if FI could unfollow me in real life, he would.

As my father always told me, "If you try to please 100% of the people 100% of the time, you'll be tired, cranky, and unhappy."

I figure, if I make FI happy, that's all I really need. He makes me happy 100% of the time.

If dogs and cats were on social media, the world would be a much happier place. I hate it all.

lnixon8 · April 2016

Do you belong to a y/community center/gym? Do you have a dog? I'm not a health nut by a long stretch but when I'm in a rut "I walked the dog for 10 minutes" or "I made it to spin class twice in one week!" makes me feel so better about myself. (also- spray tans and painting my nails)

Do you ever feel like this?

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