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Wedding Woes

Don't have a FOMO baby

Dear Prudence, 
I have no idea whether I want children. I’m a married, 30-year-old woman and my husband and I decided before we were married that we would decide later whether we wanted kids. I work a very demanding job in an extremely competitive field and I worry that having children would disadvantage me. I’m also not sure whether I’m cut out to be a mother—I certainly didn’t enjoy childhood very much, and spent most of it trying to be an adult. On the other hand, I worry I’ll realize too late that I’ve missed out on having a family that would have made my life more meaningful. Tell me whether to have children, Prudie!

—Baby Bafflement

Re: Don't have a FOMO baby

  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    reaction confused what happened drop dead diva astounded


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    TrixieJess
  • Prudie- should I eat pizza for dinner? TELLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEE!


    mrsconn23thefanciestbecklerTrixieJessMesmrEwe
  • You know, at first I want to be all, You are so dumb.

    But really, these are the same questions everyone who is choosing not to have children go through.  And you end up revisiting them every few years.  For some of us, it always stays no.  For some people it changes.  I think former DH and I revisited it about every 2-3 years and one time it DID change (thank goodness unsuccessfully), but very time after that it was no.

    Though I do think it's dumb to leave the kids question as a "We'll see" when entering into marriage.
    charlotte989875MesmrEwelc07madamerwin
  • Eh, probably most, but not everyone.

    I realized when I was around 23 that I didn't want kids, and have never once second-guessed or revisited it in the almost 23 years since.  

    I also was straight with H on our 2nd or 3rd date (I was 37 by then), as soon as he said, "someday when you have kids," so he knew going in where I stood.

    Definitely bad as a "we'll see" issue.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • So I would clearly never make decision like this based on writing in to Prudie, but..

    H and I both go back and forth on wanting kids. We did talk extensively about it before marriage and we're still not sure. There are days were both like "yes, let's totally do this" and others where were "absolutely not we love our lives as they are". I'm 30 and know there isn't a ton of time if we eventually want to have biological children. 

    So yah making a decision likes this based on an advice column is really dumb, but I get the uncertainty and whether the indecision may eventually lead to it being too late. 
    OurWildKingdomVarunaTTcupcait927
  • PMeg819 said:
    Prudie- should I eat pizza for dinner? TELLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEE!


    Yes.  Always yes.
    YogaSandy
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What's a FOMO baby?
    ________________________________


  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What's a FOMO baby?
    Fear Of Missing Out
    MesmrEwe
  • What's a FOMO baby?

    FOMO = fear of missing out

  • <Face to the Palm> I don't have enough coffee for this...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TrixieJess
  • VarunaTT said:
    You know, at first I want to be all, You are so dumb.

    But really, these are the same questions everyone who is choosing not to have children go through.  And you end up revisiting them every few years.  For some of us, it always stays no.  For some people it changes.  I think former DH and I revisited it about every 2-3 years and one time it DID change (thank goodness unsuccessfully), but very time after that it was no.

    Though I do think it's dumb to leave the kids question as a "We'll see" when entering into marriage.
    We do the same - going in I made it clear I was in the no kids camp but was willing to revisit in a few years.  Still at a no, and have no worries about missing out.  That's what my siblings children are for - if I feel like I'm missing something, I'll borrow them for a few days and give my brother or sister a break.
    imageimage
  • There is one reason to have kids: because you want kids.

    There is one reason to not have kids: because you don't want kids.


    OurWildKingdomShesSoColdMesmrEwe
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