Invite to Engagement Party but not Wedding?

Re: Invite to Engagement Party but not Wedding?

• downtondiva member

  

  April 2016

  There is nothing wrong with having a small, family-only wedding, but once you've chosen to do that, you have to own your decision. It is not appropriate to invite people to pre-wedding parties who will not be invited to the wedding, and when you are having a very small wedding, that may mean giving up engagement parties, showers, etc. Do not throw an engagement party for the sake of including or appeasing people you aren't inviting to the main event. 
  
  And besides all that, it is rude for your coworkers to expect invitations to your wedding. You do not owe them that, nor do you owe them a party. Let them feel however they feel about not being invited. It's not your problem. 

  
  

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• geebee908 member

  

  April 2016

  sa397784 said:

  Hi there, we are now planning a small family only destination wedding. Between my fiancé and I we have 40 coworkers (including their +1s) that have been hinting that they expect to be invited. We specifically have not been discussing wedding plans around them besides announcing our engagement. We would really love to celebrate with these people but it would increase our guest list 200% and at $400+ per person (all inclusive weekend) we cannot afford that. Can we host an engagement type party for these people in town if we specifically state that our wedding will be family only? Or should we call it something else? Or forgo it all together. We found a restaurant in town that would host for about 50++pp and we can afford that for the party. Then theres the issue of gift? We don't want people to feel obligated since they aren't invited to the wedding but I know some people would want to give us something. We don't want to offend anyone, we just want to celebrate. 
  
  Also, none of our family lives in town, so no one going to the wedding would be at this party. Figured that will help avoid confusion. 

  Nope, don't do it. Your co-workers shouldn't be fishing for an invite to your wedding, and you shouldn't host something like this if they're not invited. People need to get over not getting an invite which I'm sure most of them will do pretty quickly.

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• SP29 member

  

  April 2016

  Anyone invited to a pre-wedding party must also be invited to your wedding, so no, an engagement party for this group is not appropriate.
  
  Please realize you are not required to invite anyone to your wedding and no one is entitled to expect an invitation- do not feel guilty about not inviting everyone. Although many people enjoy weddings, I assure you no one is going to be completely put out they weren't invited. While it is best to keep your wedding talk to a minimum, if people are hinting I think it is fine to be honest and say, "We are having a small family only destination wedding. Unfortunately we couldn't invite everyone we would like".
  
  People may still chose to get you a gift, regardless if they are invited or not- and that is OK. The point is you do not mention gifts, even to say, "We don't want gifts", and graciously accept anything that is given to you with a prompt thank you card.
  
  Now- it is always fine to throw a party- for any reason. What I would suggest, is after your wedding, to host a "Meet my new husband!" party (as I assume your respective co-workers might not know your spouse yet). This isn't a re-creating of your wedding in anyway, but it would be OK to show some of your wedding photos to guests if they ask. This can be simple, such as at your home, or if you want to go with a restaurant that is fine too, as long as you are prepared to fully host it.
  
  As I said, you can host a party for any reason, but the reason I suggest doing this party after you are married, is because doing it before may seem like a pre-wedding party, which could confuse guests into thinking they might be invited to your wedding.
  

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• smurray0810 member

  

  April 2016

  
  

  SP29 said:

  Now- it is always fine to throw a party- for any reason. What I would suggest, is after your wedding, to host a "Meet my new husband!" party (as I assume your respective co-workers might not know your spouse yet). This isn't a re-creating of your wedding in anyway, but it would be OK to show some of your wedding photos to guests if they ask. This can be simple, such as at your home, or if you want to go with a restaurant that is fine too, as long as you are prepared to fully host it.
  
  As I said, you can host a party for any reason, but the reason I suggest doing this party after you are married, is because doing it before may seem like a pre-wedding party, which could confuse guests into thinking they might be invited to your wedding.
  

  SP29, I like that idea and it saves us about 3k up front. These are people that we spend most of our time with outside of work and many are close friends. We chose the destination wedding because we didn't want to cherry pick people and offend others. Doing something afterwards definitely clears up any confusion. 
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  April 2016 edited April 2016

  No - do not invite them to your engagement party if they're not invited to the main event. 

  What you can do is a "Celebration of marriage" gathering after the wedding when you return for them (you can arrange to have invites sent the day of your wedding) - but none of the typical wedding things (you in your dress, cake cutting, dance, gifts)...  And, you could schedule this any evening so not limited to just a Saturday which may help take your costs down. 

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