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Teenage ring bearer?

PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
my FI and I do not have any younger relatives or family members. We are having a small wedding with no bridal party or groomsmen. We still wanted to incorporate FI youngest brother (14) into the ceremony. 
Is 14 too old to be a ring bearer? I think he would look a little silly carrying rings on a pillow. Does anyone have any alternative suggestions? 

Thanks!
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Re: Teenage ring bearer?

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Yes, that's too old. Have him be an usher. 
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    Would it be weird even to have him just hand us the rings? im not against having FI hold both or the officiant I guess. 

    I think an usher would be out of place as its just at my parents house and there's only 22 guests.  
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    Why can't he be a groomsman?
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    LondonLisa said:
    Why can't he be a groomsman?
    We're not doing groomsmen/bridesmaids. FI only has one friend coming and I didn't want to pick and choose from the small handful of friends I invited. (If I had siblings, we would have just made all the siblings be the wedding party )
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    It's fine then to have him hang on to the rings and hand them during the ceremony. 
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    climbingwife said:
    It's fine then to have him hang on to the rings and hand them during the ceremony. 
    If he just does this, should I still have him wear something similar to FI? Or just have him wear what he wants to?
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    Knottie1456887769 said:
    climbingwife said:
    It's fine then to have him hang on to the rings and hand them during the ceremony. 
    If he just does this, should I still have him wear something similar to FI? Or just have him wear what he wants to?
    I'd just have him wear what he wants to wear and get him a buttonhole if you are doing flowers. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Knottie1456887769 said:
    climbingwife said:
    It's fine then to have him hang on to the rings and hand them during the ceremony. 
    If he just does this, should I still have him wear something similar to FI? Or just have him wear what he wants to?
    Let him wear whatever he wants. He's not in the bridal party, so you really can't dictate to him what to wear. 
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    He's much too old to be a ring bearer. You could have him sit in the front row with your parents/grandparents and hand you the rings during the ceremony, but a teenager likely won't want to walk down he aisle with a ring pillow. 

    I have a similar situation; I always thought my goddaughter would be my flower girl. By the time I get married, she'll be 17, so that ship is long gone. I've asked her to be a BM instead.
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    I'm kinda sad we can't make a bigger deal of him, but it's good to know he can still at least hold onto the rings and hand them to us. 
    Thanks so much for your help! 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Knottie1456887769 said:
    I'm kinda sad we can't make a bigger deal of him, but it's good to know he can still at least hold onto the rings and hand them to us. 
    Thanks so much for your help! 
    Don't worry. Being a guest is an honor. And like Lisa said, you can get him a boutonniere. 
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  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
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    Knottie1456887769 said:
    LondonLisa said:
    Why can't he be a groomsman?
    We're not doing groomsmen/bridesmaids. FI only has one friend coming and I didn't want to pick and choose from the small handful of friends I invited. (If I had siblings, we would have just made all the siblings be the wedding party )

    Knottie1456887769 said:
    I'm kinda sad we can't make a bigger deal of him, but it's good to know he can still at least hold onto the rings and hand them to us. 
    Thanks so much for your help! 
    Also, sides don't have to be equal. Your FI can have 1 or 2 GMs, and you can have a bunch of BMs (or none at all!) without anyone having to pick and choose. There's no reason not to "make a bigger deal of him" if you want him up there!

    Skip the stress of choosing outfits by having them all wear whatever they like, or give them a color group (for example: back or charcoal suits & blue shirts for the men, blue dresses for the ladies). 

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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    JediElizabeth said:Also, sides don't have to be equal. Your FI can have 1 or 2 GMs, and you can have a bunch of BMs (or none at all!) without anyone having to pick and choose. There's no reason not to "make a bigger deal of him" if you want him up there!

    Skip the stress of choosing outfits by having them all wear whatever they like, or give them a color group (for example: back or charcoal suits & blue shirts for the men, blue dresses for the ladies). 

    I just think it would be weird to have all my guests be in the bridal party. I'd have no one in the "audience " lol. Just my parents and bridal party's SOs

     my wedding is in October, so it might be too late to spring that on people anyway.  lol

    i think we will get his brother a boutonniere :) 
    im glad he doesn't have to match because I didn't want to pick the outfit anyway! My mom keeps asking me to pick out my dads outfit since he's walking me down the isle. I just want people to wear what they want 
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  • justsiejustsie member
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    Would he be willing to do a reading? That would "make a bigger deal of him" if he was willing to do so. 
    image
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    justsie said:
    Would he be willing to do a reading? That would "make a bigger deal of him" if he was willing to do so. 
    I agree - having him do a reading would be a good way to incorporate him. Other ways to make him feel special and included:

    - Get him a boutonniere
    - Include him in wedding photos
    - Have him act as an usher
    - Have him hold on to the rings until the officiant asks for them
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    What about doing a reading, it doesn't have to be religious, it can be a poem about love.
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    I hadn't thought about a reading. I want a quick ceremony. When do people usually do the readings? 
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  • glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
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    We are having a short ceremony too, but found that a reading really wouldn't add very much time to the overall length. My FI would really like his mother to read something (she is very active in her amateur dramatics, so loves a chance to get up in public), so this work for us.

    A reading can be only a minute or two it really doesn't have to be long at all, it could work perfectly for what you are looking for. It also doesn't have to be a poem, it could be an excerpt from a favourite book.
                 
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  • justsiejustsie member
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    Knottie1456887769 said:
    I hadn't thought about a reading. I want a quick ceremony. When do people usually do the readings? 
    During the ceremony, but most readings probably take less than 2 minuets to do. I wouldn't want to listen to a reading that was much longer than that as a guest. 
    image
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    So it would be done right after the processional ? 
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    Knottie1456887769 said:
    So it would be done right after the processional ? 
    It can be done whenever. I have usually seen them done after the officiant welcomes the guests and says some sort of opening, or after the vows but before the ring exchange. Not sure if there is a "right" time to do it; it probably depends on what reading you choose, and what type of ceremony you plan to have.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    I would have him be Best Man.  He processes and holds the rings until they are needed.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    CMGragain said:
    I would have him be Best Man.  He processes and holds the rings until they are needed.
    I agree.  You don't have to have any bridesmaids at all, but he can still be the best man.
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    adk19 said:
    CMGragain said:
    I would have him be Best Man.  He processes and holds the rings until they are needed.
    I agree.  You don't have to have any bridesmaids at all, but he can still be the best man.
    If FI was having a best man, he wanted it to be his best friend. Plus, that would leave out his other younger brother. 
    We both feel better not having a wedding party at all though. 

    Im probably just going to stick with him holding the rings. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    Knottie1456887769 said:
    adk19 said:
    CMGragain said:
    I would have him be Best Man.  He processes and holds the rings until they are needed.
    I agree.  You don't have to have any bridesmaids at all, but he can still be the best man.
    If FI was having a best man, he wanted it to be his best friend. Plus, that would leave out his other younger brother. 
    We both feel better not having a wedding party at all though. 

    Im probably just going to stick with him holding the rings. 
    I think that technically makes him the Best Man.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    CMGragain said:
    Knottie1456887769 said:
    adk19 said:
    CMGragain said:
    I would have him be Best Man.  He processes and holds the rings until they are needed.
    I agree.  You don't have to have any bridesmaids at all, but he can still be the best man.
    If FI was having a best man, he wanted it to be his best friend. Plus, that would leave out his other younger brother. 
    We both feel better not having a wedding party at all though. 

    Im probably just going to stick with him holding the rings. 
    I think that technically makes him the Best Man.
    Yep. The only thing he can't do is serve as a witness to the signing of the marriage certificate.
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  • PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    CMGragain said:
    Knottie1456887769 said:
    adk19 said:
    CMGragain said:
    I would have him be Best Man.  He processes and holds the rings until they are needed.
    I agree.  You don't have to have any bridesmaids at all, but he can still be the best man.
    If FI was having a best man, he wanted it to be his best friend. Plus, that would leave out his other younger brother. 
    We both feel better not having a wedding party at all though. 

    Im probably just going to stick with him holding the rings. 
    I think that technically makes him the Best Man.
    But we wouldn't have him standing up with us. He would be sitting at this point. That's all I meant by him not being best man. 
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