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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Allergy Problems

One of our closest friends has a serve nut allergy and a very dear family friend has environmental allergies. How do we ensure that guests do not eat nuts before attending the reception, where a hand shake could send our friend to the hospital? With the environmental it's more an issue with guests wearing perfume or cologne, which, aside from the family friend's issue, my father has respiratory issues with and I get bad headaches from. Any suggestions on how to address these issues?

Re: Allergy Problems

  • bekahsubekahsu member
    First Comment
    We do have a website and have it mentioned there. However, we've had tons of questions about the wedding that are answered on the website (where to stay, registry etc), so clearly people are not using it as we had hoped. As for the nuts, it's more of a "please don't bring nuts to the party". A lot of our friends know of the allergy and the venue is 100% nut free, our parent's friends not so much. I just would hate for him to need to use an epi pen during the reception.
  • Do whatever people normally do to survive life. People, even people who genuinely mean well, are not going to remember to not use perfume for your wedding. How do you cope with everyday life? Do those things. 
  • As someone who has an anaphylactic allergy, I appreciate the venue being free of my allergen but even that something that I do not expect. Those with allergies have learned how to survive. For 99% of the population with severe allergies, being able to wash hands prior to eating and avoiding cross contamination are the biggest things. I shake hands with people and have never had an issue with my allergy because prior to eating, I wash my hands. I think the environmental allergy is a bit different and adding something on your website is a nice touch but the person with the allergy should realize and be accustomed to having to work around their allergy.

    Honestly, I never expect people to deal with my allergy for me. I'm 100% responsible for me.

  • Who would bring nuts to a reception?

    i think you're doing enough by having a nut free location, not serving anything with nuts, and possibly putting it on the website (although I think that's overkill). Other than that your friend will have to take the precautions they normally do to attend your event. 
    I thought that at first, but people do carry snacks in purses, and a lot of them have nuts in them.  Like granola bars.  So especially if children are invited, I could see their parent taking out a snack for them while waiting for a buffet line, or something like that.  

    But I still 100% agree with you about what to do.  
  • MandyMost said:
    Who would bring nuts to a reception?

    i think you're doing enough by having a nut free location, not serving anything with nuts, and possibly putting it on the website (although I think that's overkill). Other than that your friend will have to take the precautions they normally do to attend your event. 
    I thought that at first, but people do carry snacks in purses, and a lot of them have nuts in them.  Like granola bars.  So especially if children are invited, I could see their parent taking out a snack for them while waiting for a buffet line, or something like that.  

    But I still 100% agree with you about what to do.  
    Yes, this could happen. But it could also happen at the post office, or the mall, or on public transportation, or from a previous rider in a taxi cab, or in a doctor's office waiting room. 

    If the guest(s) in question can function in daily life, then you've done MORE than what is necessary to accommodate them. If they cannot live a normal life (i.e. cannot typically leave their homes or a sterile environment), then they should not expect to be able to attend your wedding. 
    MandyMost said:
    Who would bring nuts to a reception?

    i think you're doing enough by having a nut free location, not serving anything with nuts, and possibly putting it on the website (although I think that's overkill). Other than that your friend will have to take the precautions they normally do to attend your event. 
    I thought that at first, but people do carry snacks in purses, and a lot of them have nuts in them.  Like granola bars.  So especially if children are invited, I could see their parent taking out a snack for them while waiting for a buffet line, or something like that.  

    But I still 100% agree with you about what to do.  
    Yes, this could happen. But it could also happen at the post office, or the mall, or on public transportation, or from a previous rider in a taxi cab, or in a doctor's office waiting room. 

    If the guest(s) in question can function in daily life, then you've done MORE than what is necessary to accommodate them. If they cannot live a normal life (i.e. cannot typically leave their homes or a sterile environment), then they should not expect to be able to attend your wedding. 
    This is where I am.   If your allergy is that severe I trust that you have measures in life to help you when you encounter the allergen.

    I remember rolling my eyes hardcore when one of my employees called in to say that his wife was in the hospital because she went into anaphylactic shock when they were out to dinner.   She ordered salmon and she's allergic to shellfish and didn't tell them about her allergy and didn't have an epi pen.

    I was PISSED.   He missed work to take care of wife and I understand that he needed to be with her but a lot of the issue could have been avoided. 


  • banana468 said:
    MandyMost said:
    Who would bring nuts to a reception?

    i think you're doing enough by having a nut free location, not serving anything with nuts, and possibly putting it on the website (although I think that's overkill). Other than that your friend will have to take the precautions they normally do to attend your event. 
    I thought that at first, but people do carry snacks in purses, and a lot of them have nuts in them.  Like granola bars.  So especially if children are invited, I could see their parent taking out a snack for them while waiting for a buffet line, or something like that.  

    But I still 100% agree with you about what to do.  
    Yes, this could happen. But it could also happen at the post office, or the mall, or on public transportation, or from a previous rider in a taxi cab, or in a doctor's office waiting room. 

    If the guest(s) in question can function in daily life, then you've done MORE than what is necessary to accommodate them. If they cannot live a normal life (i.e. cannot typically leave their homes or a sterile environment), then they should not expect to be able to attend your wedding. 
    MandyMost said:
    Who would bring nuts to a reception?

    i think you're doing enough by having a nut free location, not serving anything with nuts, and possibly putting it on the website (although I think that's overkill). Other than that your friend will have to take the precautions they normally do to attend your event. 
    I thought that at first, but people do carry snacks in purses, and a lot of them have nuts in them.  Like granola bars.  So especially if children are invited, I could see their parent taking out a snack for them while waiting for a buffet line, or something like that.  

    But I still 100% agree with you about what to do.  
    Yes, this could happen. But it could also happen at the post office, or the mall, or on public transportation, or from a previous rider in a taxi cab, or in a doctor's office waiting room. 

    If the guest(s) in question can function in daily life, then you've done MORE than what is necessary to accommodate them. If they cannot live a normal life (i.e. cannot typically leave their homes or a sterile environment), then they should not expect to be able to attend your wedding. 
    This is where I am.   If your allergy is that severe I trust that you have measures in life to help you when you encounter the allergen.

    I remember rolling my eyes hardcore when one of my employees called in to say that his wife was in the hospital because she went into anaphylactic shock when they were out to dinner.   She ordered salmon and she's allergic to shellfish and didn't tell them about her allergy and didn't have an epi pen.

    I was PISSED.   He missed work to take care of wife and I understand that he needed to be with her but a lot of the issue could have been avoided. 


    Holy cannoli, was she trying to go to the hospital?!?!  I feel terrible for the restaurant workers.  I would never think someone, who is allergic to one type of seafood, would order fish without saying anything.

  • MandyMost said:
    Who would bring nuts to a reception?

    i think you're doing enough by having a nut free location, not serving anything with nuts, and possibly putting it on the website (although I think that's overkill). Other than that your friend will have to take the precautions they normally do to attend your event. 
    I thought that at first, but people do carry snacks in purses, and a lot of them have nuts in them.  Like granola bars.  So especially if children are invited, I could see their parent taking out a snack for them while waiting for a buffet line, or something like that.  

    But I still 100% agree with you about what to do.  
    Yes, this could happen. But it could also happen at the post office, or the mall, or on public transportation, or from a previous rider in a taxi cab, or in a doctor's office waiting room. 

    If the guest(s) in question can function in daily life, then you've done MORE than what is necessary to accommodate them. If they cannot live a normal life (i.e. cannot typically leave their homes or a sterile environment), then they should not expect to be able to attend your wedding. 
    This is where I am.   If your allergy is that severe I trust that you have measures in life to help you when you encounter the allergen.

    I remember rolling my eyes hardcore when one of my employees called in to say that his wife was in the hospital because she went into anaphylactic shock when they were out to dinner.   She ordered salmon and she's allergic to shellfish and didn't tell them about her allergy and didn't have an epi pen.

    I was PISSED.   He missed work to take care of wife and I understand that he needed to be with her but a lot of the issue could have been avoided. 


    Holy cannoli, was she trying to go to the hospital?!?!  I feel terrible for the restaurant workers.  I would never think someone, who is allergic to one type of seafood, would order fish without saying anything.
    Hence why I was upset.   And even with having the allergy, I think you need to be doubly careful when you know that coming in contact with it is going to send you to the hospital. 


  • For your friend with the nut allergy, if they have an reaction by touching someone's hand, if it's a female, maybe they could find some cute satin gloves that they wear with as part of their outfit. Kind of a throw back look. When it comes time to eat and there wouldn't be a threat of touching other people hands, then she can take them off. If it's  man (or this would even for a women) if anyone goes to shake their hands or give them a hug, just have them go, "I'm sorry but I'm recovering from a cold and trying limit contact". Also make sure your food vendor & bar tender are aware of this person's sensitivity so that they don't eat a snack of nuts & then possible serve your friend.

    In regards to the perfumes, I know I will get jumped on for this, but if someone in the wedding party or immediate family who will have to have a lot of interaction with guests has a sensitivity to perfumes that could make them very sick or even potentially put them in the hospital, I think it's ok to put an insert in with your invite, or even put it on the invite that due to sensitivity issues, and if you want since you are one of the people affected by this, to please refrain from using any perfumes or colognes. "Due to reactions the bride has to perfumes and colognes, we ask that you please refrain from wearing any this day." Again, I know that this is something most people will not agree with doing and would say just spread it via word of mouth. But since you would be impacted, this would be a better way to get the word to everyone. Also again, make sure your DJ, Photographer, hair stylist, makeup person, limo driver, person performing ceremony and food servers are aware off too. They are all people you will have close contact with during the day in addition to your guests.

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