Inviting some co workers without offending others

Knottie1454683647 · May 2016

i am having trouble inviting some of the people I work with and not others. I don't want to hurt any feelings. We work for a school district and the wedding is in the summer, when we are off. It's a 2nd marriage for both of us and trying to keep it smallish. I've worked with some of these people for more than 20 years, we are work friends but, not outside of work. I haven't really talked about the wedding but, with Facebook people will post pictures afterwards. Is it tacky to ask the ones I'm inviting not to talk about it? Or just deal with it? I've even considered not inviting any of them.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

Knottie1454683647 said:

i am having trouble inviting some of the people I work with and not others. I don't want to hurt any feelings. We work for a school district and the wedding is in the summer, when we are off. It's a 2nd marriage for both of us and trying to keep it smallish. I've worked with some of these people for more than 20 years, we are work friends but, not outside of work. I haven't really talked about the wedding but, with Facebook people will post pictures afterwards. Is it tacky to ask the ones I'm inviting not to talk about it? Or just deal with it? I've even considered not inviting any of them.

Mail invitations to people's homes. Don't discuss your wedding at work. And how many people are you inviting out of how many people do you work with? If you work with 20 people, you can invite 2 or 3 without causing a scene. But if you work with 20 people, you really shouldn't invite 15 and leave the other 5 out of the loop. Also, the people you invite shouldn't be people you're "just friendly" with. They should be your close friends. Would you take your work friend and his/her SO out to dinner and pick up the tab? Have you been to their home, have they been to yours? Only invite friends, not merely co-workers.

thisismynickname2 · May 2016

Totally agree with adk.

I work in a large office and only invited the one guy I actually socialize with outside of work.
My best friend is a teacher and several of her fellow teachers are people that she sees outside of work, and those are the people she invited rather than everyone she works with.

flantastic · May 2016

Knottie1454683647 said:

i am having trouble inviting some of the people I work with and not others. I don't want to hurt any feelings. We work for a school district and the wedding is in the summer, when we are off. It's a 2nd marriage for both of us and trying to keep it smallish. I've worked with some of these people for more than 20 years, we are work friends but, not outside of work. I haven't really talked about the wedding but, with Facebook people will post pictures afterwards. Is it tacky to ask the ones I'm inviting not to talk about it? Or just deal with it? I've even considered not inviting any of them.

Considering the bolded - you're not more than work friends, and you can easily imagine not inviting any of them - I think the best and safest plan for your workplace relationships is not to invite anyone. Tell anyone who asks that you're "keeping it small." NBD.

Knottie1454683647 · May 2016

Good advice! Thanks! There's 25 and I was thinking of 6.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

Knottie1454683647 said:

Good advice! Thanks! There's 25 and I was thinking of 6.

That's not a terrible percentage if you want to invite them. Do you know the boyfriends/wives of those six? Have you gone out to dinner with them? Have they been to your home? You have to invite them With their Significant Other, so that's at least 12 people adding to your guest list. If you don't feel like you HAVE to invite them, don't.

ernursej · May 2016

I'm a nurse and if I invited all those that I worked with and even socialized with (group socialization is big), I would have well over 100 additional guests. I'm limiting it to those that I see every single day and have actually invited for dinner. That has narrowed the list down to 8 ...

MandyMost · May 2016

Another way I'd think about it: if any of those people got a new job today, would you still be considering them a friend a year from now? If not, then they really are just "work friends" and I wouldn't invite them to your wedding.

debbeau · May 2016

One of the teachers I work with got married last summer. Even though we worked together every day I did not expect to be invited. She did invite some of the people from our department she was closest with and we all talked about the wedding when the new school year started. Everyone was excited to see pictures. Hopefully people understand the expense of a wedding and that the couple has to make choices.

Knottie1454683647 · May 2016

Thanks all! You really put this in perspective for me. You were all on the mark with your advice.

AddieCake · May 2016

If you socialize with those 6 outside of work, by all means invite them. They are your friends, and reasonable people are not going to question why they got invited and the others didn't.

I originally intended to invite only the people in my department (I'm a teacher), but I have friends in other departments. I do things outside of work with those people on a regular basis. Why shouldn't I invited them? So I opted to do, so and nobody batted an eye.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

I worked at a college for some time amongst professors and advisors. My manager was getting married that year and invited everyone in the office to the wedding. Because I was so new and she didn't really knew me that well, that invite did not get extended to me.

Some people may take offense to this but I mean I took it just fine. It's her day, her preference and if she feels closer to others theres really nothing wrong with that. There were times when everyone was even talking about what a good time it will be or what a nut she will be, and I joined in on the fun. I mean, it may sound bad but I was actually happy NOT to go, since that means I have to give money. Not something I wanted to do for someone I don't really know all that well. Chances are folks at your school will have the same reaction

Inviting some co workers without offending others

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