Friend invited to shower and not wedding

Re: Friend invited to shower and not wedding

• ShesSoCold mod

  

  May 2016

  Knottie1459214714 said:

  My friend is getting married in July out of town. She already gave me my invite, but I can't afford to go so I rsvped no.  My roommate is also friends with the bride but hasn't received an invite yet. I figured they aren't as close so she wasn't going to be invited. Or maybe she's on the B list or something (I have a feeling she is having a B list due the timing of my invitation).
  
  I just received an e-vite to her bridal shower and can see the list of everyone else invited, with many people (including my roommate) who I don't think are invited to the wedding. Maybe they all will be invited and are on the B list? Should I say anything to the bride? To my roommate or one of our other friends invited? Just leave it? "Not my circus not my monkeys" approach?
  
  I don't really approve of her wedding to begin with (and as a result, our friendship has drifted lately) so maybe that's just clouding my judgement? 
  Thank you for your advice!

  
  That's definitely rude, if people invited to the shower aren't invited to the wedding, but that's also definitely not your problem.

  I'd keep my mouth shut.

  
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  May 2016

  Your room mate's invite could still arrive and you, yourself, said you think the others aren't invited so you aren't sure. Stay out of it.

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• glasgowtolondon member

  

  May 2016

  Not your circus, not your monkeys. 100%.
  
  Its incredibly gift grabby of her, and tacky as hell so I can understand your irritation but it's not really your business. I doubt any real good would come out of saying anything so I vote for keeping your mouth shut too.

               

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• glasgowtolondon member

  

  May 2016 edited May 2016

  Double post.

               

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• SP29 member

  

  May 2016

  Agreed- not your circus, not your monkeys.
  
  Definitely rude however. But it is true, these additional guests may end up B listed. Also rude, but it is up to them how they respond.
  

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• downtondiva member

  

  May 2016

  If your roommate or other people not invited to the wedding want to say something to the bride about this, that's up to them. Yes, what she's doing is very rude, but it's not your problem. Besides, if she already knows you disapprove of her wedding (I'll admit I'm curious about this part), she's just going to assume that you're nitpicking and trying to cause trouble for her, and there's no way she'll be receptive. Don't waste your time.
  

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  May 2016 edited May 2016

  It's your roomie's circus/monkeys if she wants to say something. Not yours.

  If I were the roomie, I'd probably ask the bride about the wedding invitation before I RSVPd for the shower. I wouldn't buy a shower gift if I were b-listed or not invited to the wedding. Like "hey, I got your shower evite, but hadn't gotten the wedding invite yet. Knottie#s got hers - they're beautiful! I wondered if maybe mine got lost in the mail...Just want to be able to plan for that weekend."

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2016

  Thanks everyone for the rational responses. Logically, I knew it wasn't any of my business. It's just harder when people close to you are involved. My roommate last night commented about how she wasn't invited to the wedding yet, so the question will probably come up to the bride anyways. One theory my roommate had was that maybe because the wedding is out of town, she is assuming no one would come anyways so why bother inviting people to that whereas the shower is local? Who knows, but not my issue. 
  

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• SP29 member

  

  May 2016

  Knottie1459214714 said:

  Thanks everyone for the rational responses. Logically, I knew it wasn't any of my business. It's just harder when people close to you are involved. My roommate last night commented about how she wasn't invited to the wedding yet, so the question will probably come up to the bride anyways. One theory my roommate had was that maybe because the wedding is out of town, she is assuming no one would come anyways so why bother inviting people to that whereas the shower is local? Who knows, but not my issue. 
  

  Well that would still be rude. Same issue- don't invite a guest to the shower if they are not invited to the wedding (wherever it is located). Hosts should also not make assumptions on behalf of their guests- invite a guest if you want him/her there, let that person decide (hence RSVPs!).
  
  Does your rommie know you received an invitation?
  
  If I were your roomie I'd probably ask the bride about it, and say something similar to SouthernBelle- received your shower invite, noticed roomie got a wedding invite, I haven't received anything yet, did it get lost? Yes- no worries, just let me know the date/location! No, I'm not invited- Oh Ok. *promptly mail shower invite RSVP as no*.
  

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