Done

[Deleted User] · May 2016

Done.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

Knottie1462903880 said:

Hello all.

I have been married about a year and a half now. I am coming here today to get some anonymous advice from others on what to do in my situation. As most of you are current brides-to-be, I feel this is a good place to look for some helpful advice on my situation. This is long so be prepared.

So, for some reason, a month or two before my wedding I decided to change one of my two maids of honor, to a bridesmaid. I told her the whole time (I think?) that she was a MoH with my other BFF. I only had the two, and I didn’t want them to fight over titles. Anyway, for some reason, I really have no idea what reason it was anymore, I changed the one down. I dunno if it was because I felt she wasn’t doing as much, or didn’t care about the title, or what…I think I wanted it to look more uniformed because my fiance was only going to have a BM and a GM. Anyway, I changed it, she didn’t know even though I though she did, and she got really hurt by it. Apparently she didn't find out till 2 days or even the night before, and she broke down crying and was just really hurt. My actual MOH knew about it, but neither told me until after the wedding it hurt her.

Welp, fast forward to mid honeymoon. I messaged the bridesmaid trying to talk because she left early and I suspected something was wrong…even though no one said anything to me. She messaged back after days of ignoring and just lit me up. Started it by saying our friendship was over, and what I did wrong.

To my memory, it was the title swap and me not sending a hand-written thank you card to her for my bridal shower that she hosted. I had her card but I just forgot to give it to her while we were doing wedding activities as the wedding was only a week after the shower. So basically, long story short, I effed up, REALLY BADLY.

I was mad at first, but it only took about a month, till she was engaged herself, for the guilt to really hit me hard. But, I’m stubborn, and I was still mad…it took awhile for me to get past thinking she had dumb reasons to be mad, to well, no, she has legit reasons and I would have been super pissed too.

Around our birthday, (we almost share a b-day) I started feeling really guilty. I knew her wedding was coming up in about a month, and while I knew I obviously wasn’t invited, I felt bad. She did so much for me, and I didn’t get to return any favors. I know she didn't have many friends either, and as far as I know she doesn’t have a bridal party at all (probably for the best…I almost wish I didn’t have one either).

I sat down and wrote a 5 page front and back hand written letter and I just sucked up everything and apologized for all of it. A sincere, very heartfelt apology as I feel about as crappy about this as I think I could. I told her congratulations on that and a few other things that have happened, that I missed her and wanted our friendship back, and so on. I mailed it to her mother as I wasn’t sure of her address anymore. Her mother messaged me a couple days later and said she felt it best to wait until after they were back from the honeymoon to have her read it. Well. That was about a month ago. Her wedding is this weekend, and I guess in a week or two more hopefully she will have it. I just don’t know what to expect. I don’t know how mad she was. Mad enough to end a friendship and not talk for a year and a half, but she also stayed through the whole wedding and did what she needed to do. She looked happy in all photos, and we never had a fight before this.

So my question to you all is, what should I do now? I am waiting, obviously, but should I get her a gift, should I do anything else? What would you do if you were her and went through all this and got the letter? Just looking for an overall opinion here. I messed up bad, and I will do anything to fix it, but this is kinda consuming me. I miss her a lot and I’m really sad knowing she might not be in my life again.

Tl;DR? I messed up bad, I lost a best friend of over ten years and I want her friendship back. I miss her terribly and I don’t know what else I should do.

Wait patiently and see if she responds.

You hurt her, and it took you a year and a half to apologize. For all you know in that time, her hurt has healed and she has moved on.

I've had situations with two friends that resulted in a loss of friendship. One was able to be mended, the other wasn't.

If she doesn't accept your apology, or if she does but doesn't want to continue the relationship, I say let it go. There's an expression: friendships last for a reason, season or a lifetime. Perhaps you two were a reason or a season friendship.

banana468 · May 2016

Well, I think you're admitting that you messed up bad and that's the first step.

I'd try to reach her by phone. Call her. Leave her a VM. Tell her that you care about her and you're truly sorry for what you did.

But also understand that she doesn't have to forgive you and that you did something bad. If that means that the friendship is over the only thing I can suggest is that you look at the actions and know that you have grown since then so you won't repeat them.

madamerwin · May 2016

To be honest, I am having a hard time getting past the fact that you demoted her but cannot even remember why you did it...

But in terms of what you can do now - I would wait until after her wedding, and then call/text/FB message to see if you can talk in person sometime. Apologize again, in person, because you really did fuck up. And to echo @banana468 - be prepared for her not to accept the apology. A year and a half is a long time to wait to apologize, and she may not be interested in rekindling a friendship. Either way, take it as a lesson learned; if you want to keep friends, you need to put tin the effort and apologize in a timely manner when you screw up.

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

If you want to send a gift and have it in your budget to do so, that would be nice. But I would do it with no strings attached. I'd also give her time to read the note, process it, and decide what to do. Wounds can heal; just give her time and space and accept that she may not be ready to forgive you.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

Wow that was a fast DD and for no good reason.

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

Knottie1462903880,
Why did you delete your post? You were already quoted,so the information is still here. Also, changing the post title to be "Done" draws a lot of attention to it.

I really think you're doing the right thing by apologizing and I really hope things work out for you.

ILoveBeachMusic · May 2016

Why the DD? She got the advice she asked for!

thisismynickname2 · May 2016

Deleted user too. That was quick.

ShesSoCold · May 2016

Almond oil.

glasgowtolondon · May 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

Wow that was a fast DD and for no good reason.

Maybe it's the same reason why she demoted her friend?

SP29 · May 2016

I definitely came for the DD....

But that was weird. OP realizes she made a big mistake, is now taking responsibility and owning up to it, asks for advice about what to do. PP respond EXACTLY HOW SHE ASKED and were quite supportive- no one was rude.

mollybarker11 · May 2016

?? Literally everyone's answer was just "wait and see, prepare for the worst" and she storms off? Quick to anger, slow to apologize.

ericasm0703 · May 2016

Not sure what that was all about. Eh, maybe we'll get our apology in a year and a half

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

mollybarker11 said:

?? Literally everyone's answer was just "wait and see, prepare for the worst" and she storms off? Quick to anger, slow to apologize.

My guess is that she was expecting to hear, "There, there, of course she'll forgive you."

ei34 · May 2016

The 5 pages front and back letter reminded me a bit of that scene from Friends where Ross fell asleep at the beach house reading Rachel's letter

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

eileenrob said:

The 5 pages front and back letter reminded me a bit of that scene from Friends where Ross fell asleep at the beach house reading Rachel's letter

"We were on a BREAK!"

pinkcow13 · May 2016

OurWildKingdom said:

eileenrob said:

The 5 pages front and back letter reminded me a bit of that scene from Friends where Ross fell asleep at the beach house reading Rachel's letter

"We were on a BREAK!"

"And you had rambled on for 5 pages. FRONT AND BACK!!!!!"

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

pinkcow13 said:

OurWildKingdom said:

eileenrob said:

The 5 pages front and back letter reminded me a bit of that scene from Friends where Ross fell asleep at the beach house reading Rachel's letter

"We were on a BREAK!"

"And you had rambled on for 5 pages. FRONT AND BACK!!!!!"

You fell asleep????

banana468 · May 2016

I wonder if she may not post a lot so she doesn't understand protocol and / or, she doesn't want to run the risk of the bride seeing this.

I don't know that every DD is a sign of butthurt.

kahluakoala · May 2016

banana468 said:

I wonder if she may not post a lot so she doesn't understand protocol and / or, she doesn't want to run the risk of the bride seeing this.

I don't know that every DD is a sign of butthurt.

Sometimes if I write something out and then feel embarrassed about my behavior I'll delete it. She might have just been like, "Ok, good advice" and then moved on and wanted to delete. I do'nt really feel like this is a case of butthurt.

NavyBlue143 · May 2016

downtondiva · May 2016

I just have to say I love that so many minds went straight to that Friends episode. You guys are amazing.

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

Done

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