Invite all or none?

Knottie1461702511 · May 2016

Greetings and salutations Everyone!
This is my first thread on here and I'm looking for some direction. I work in a medical practice for 4 doctors. I am currently in a different place In The building doing registration because I transferred due to some political BS. A long story but if any of you have worked at an office for many years you know that one minute they love you then they hate you. Then suddenly you're invaluable again and so on. So my issue is that out of the 4 Doctors I really only like one of them. He''s not one of the docs I worked with initially, just in coverage. I would like to invite him as we have a kind of buddy rapport but not the others We are already over our initial count for the guest list so....
would it be horrible to just invite the one doc? The others probably wouldn't care but you never know.
Be honest..,I can take it!!

floridabride44 · May 2016

I say invite none, especially if you're already over on your guest list. If he's a very close friend/colleague, invite him... but "a kind of buddy rapport" wouldn't be enough for me to invite someone to my wedding, especially if it could potentially create hurt feelings with others at work.

Knottie1461702511 · May 2016

You're probably right. I may just leave him off the guest list. Now if he starts talking to me about the wedding and how happy he is for me again I might have to rethink lol.
We are getting married on 11/20 of this year.
Thank you!

OliveOilsMom · May 2016

Knottie1461702511 said:

Greetings and salutations Everyone!
This is my first thread on here and I'm looking for some direction. I work in a medical practice for 4 doctors. I am currently in a different place In The building doing registration because I transferred due to some political BS. A long story but if any of you have worked at an office for many years you know that one minute they love you then they hate you. Then suddenly you're invaluable again and so on. So my issue is that out of the 4 Doctors I really only like one of them. He''s not one of the docs I worked with initially, just in coverage. I would like to invite him as we have a kind of buddy rapport but not the others We are already over our initial count for the guest list so....
would it be horrible to just invite the one doc? The others probably wouldn't care but you never know.
Be honest..,I can take it!!

I don't think you should invite him. You are already over your guest list count. Can you afford it if everyone attends? Can your reception venue accommodate everyone reasonably, ie, not squeezed together or not over fire code limits?

levioosa · May 2016

If you're over your venue limit, you have bigger problems than deciding whether or not to invite someone from work. Hosting everyone properly should take precedence. That means a chair for every person, plan Bs for inclement weather (if you're holding the event outside), and hosting everyone fully and equally for the duration of the event. If you can't afford the guest list you are at, you need to scale back on flowers, the cake, your dress, decor, anything that doesn't impact the guests. Oh, and have a space large enough that can accommodate everyone.

I wouldn't invite him. I also wouldn't send out STDs to anyone other than VIPs on your guest list, because an STD = an invite. Even if you have sent out STDs and people have told you they won't be able to make it, you need to keep them in the count because plans change and they might call you up a month before informing you that they are now able to attend.

levioosa · May 2016

If you're over your venue limit, you have bigger problems than deciding whether or not to invite someone from work. Hosting everyone properly should take precedence. That means a chair for every person, plan Bs for inclement weather (if you're holding the event outside), and hosting everyone fully and equally for the duration of the event. If you can't afford the guest list you are at, you need to scale back on flowers, the cake, your dress, decor, anything that doesn't impact the guests. Oh, and have a space large enough that can accommodate everyone.

I wouldn't invite him. I also wouldn't send out STDs to anyone other than VIPs on your guest list, because an STD = an invite. Even if you have sent out STDs and people have told you they won't be able to make it, you need to keep them in the count because plans change and they might call you up a month before informing you that they are now able to attend. Two of my best friends invited over their venue limits. One was a destination wedding, and one was a local wedding, but a large portion of the guest list was from out of state. Everyone attended those weddings. It was a nightmare. Not enough seating, food, or air in the cramped spaces. Be kind to yourself and your guests and plan accordingly.

Knottie1461702511 · May 2016

I'm sorry I should have been more clear. We are well under the venue limit. We wanted to stay around 100 but our list so far is about 120. It's amazing how many people you actually know when it comes down to it! We could afford it if need be to go slightly over that. It's at a hotel on the beach and there is ample seating. And we're having an open bar too BTW....
Your responses are greatly appreciated

Knottie1461702511 · May 2016

I was wondering if it would be a big faux pas to invite one of them ya know?

artbyallie · May 2016

Keep in mind that you will need to invite SOs if your guests have them, so that could be 8 people if you're inviting all four doctors. That said, if you spend time outside of work with just one, I would invite them and their spouse/SO.

SP29 · May 2016

Technically there is nothing wrong with inviting one coworker but not the others... HOWEVER, when we're talking about a small number of coworkers, or if you want to invite most but not all, it gets dicey. It can make the others feel left out, like you're playing favorites, or perhaps looking for favour from the one.

It can also be seen as inappropriate to invite a superior, as there is a balance of power. Do you work alongside these doctors, or are they your bosses?

My personal stance on inviting co-workers, is to only invite them if you actually consider them a friend. Do you see this person outside of work? Would you in any other circumstance take them out for a meal and pick up the tab?

Reading what you've posted, I vote to invite none.

You do still have time to make up your mind- invites go out at 6-8 weeks pre-wedding, so of course you can change your guest list as much as you like up until that point. The biggest thing is not to make a commitment to any guest you are unsure about by sending a STD, as then you are required to send an invitation. Also remember any guest's SO needs to be invited.

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

Knottie1461702511 said:

You're probably right. I may just leave him off the guest list. Now if he starts talking to me about the wedding and how happy he is for me again I might have to rethink lol.
We are getting married on 11/20 of this year.
Thank you!

Stick to your planned guest list. If he starts talking to you about it, gently change the subject.

mollybarker11 · May 2016

Yes, if you had to invite everyone who says they're happy for you you guest list would sky-rocket! Don't talk about the wedding at work and if he brings it up just change the subject.

I recently read this tip from another member (sorry I can't remember who!): Ask yourself, if you left your job today would you still want this person at your wedding in November?

If you are friends with this one doctor outside of work then the others would likely understand why he's invited and they're not, but I wouldn't risk rocking the boat over a "kind of buddy".

MyNameIsNot · May 2016

I would only consider inviting him if he's someone you spend time with outside of work. Being work buddies is nice and all, but unless you're willing to spend your off time with him, you're probably not close enough to warrant a wedding invitation.

levioosa · May 2016

I'm glad you're not over your hosting/venue limit! I agree with PPs. Since it is a smaller office, it's one of those all or none type situations. It would be terrible to cause yourself grief at work because you only invited one of the doctors. There's also the "would you hang out normally outside of work" question other PPs have addressed. If you wouldn't go out to dinner with him normally/treat him to dinner as a friend, then you probably don't want him at the wedding.

AddieCake · May 2016

I wouldn't invite him. With only 4, that's potentially awkward, and he is just a work friend, not someone you socialize with outside of work. Work friends can be special, too, but with the small number, I just think it's best not to invite him.

ei34 · May 2016

The coworker test, if you're thinking of picking and choosing, is if you hang out with him outside of work and enjoy each other's company socially. If you don't have a friendship outside of work I don't think it'd be worth potential hurt feelings.

ernursej · May 2016

I work with a lot of doctors and have even attended parties are their houses and zero docs are getting an invite to my wedding. I believe that you should invite in circles with a group that small. No one is entitled to an invite. If anyone asks ... tell them that it is a small wedding and then bean dip.

Knottie1461702511 · May 2016

Thank you all. I think I will invite none of the doctors. I'm so excited. I'm 50 and it's my first marriage. He's the man of my dreams and we want our guests to have fun. It's right on the beach under a tent at the hotel and a brunch reception. Good times!

MesmrEwe · May 2016

I know I'm a little late in replying - but this is one that also refers back to your "Business Political Etiquette" in terms of what is the norm for the practice when it comes to such events. It's one of those non-verbalized things that can do the one second they love you, the next you can't get time off for your honeymoon because you committed an unspecified political blunder. I'd go with whatever the norm is for your office!!!

Invite all or none?

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