Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding invitations to wedding party

Hello all! Question for all you knotties who I know will help me with my dilemma! We are sending our invitations out in about 3 weeks for our August wedding. Is it rude to not send invitations to the bridal party who live in town? We have 5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids and all but 1 lives in our town. We are at the point in our planning that we are starting to pay for things and find little things we need to pay for that we didnt budget for and forgoing invitations to 9 people plus postage would definitely save us money. I do like to stick as close to etiquette as well though so if its rude then we will send them. Just thought I could use some advice! Thanks!

Re: Wedding invitations to wedding party

  • They need invitations.  

    Personally, I would be fine with handing over the invites face to face, but it is technically more proper to mail them.  And since you are talking about less than $5 for postage there is really no reason not to just stick them in the mail with the rest.
    SP29OurWildKingdomHeffalumpMesmrEwe
  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2016
    I would give bridal party members invitations, even though they are obviously attending. Unless you have some crazy expensive invitations, 9 of them shouldn't really make a huge difference in your budget. If you want to save on postage, then you can hand-deliver them. 

    ETA: If you are looking for ways to cut back on costs, @SP29 has some good ideas. We're happy to help!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    SP29OurWildKingdommollybarker11
  • Thank you! Yes, please send all cost cutting ways my way! I am amazed at how we were so conservative with our budget and how much things actually cost. Total shock to me!
    OurWildKingdom
  • ksulaski said:
    Thank you! Yes, please send all cost cutting ways my way! I am amazed at how we were so conservative with our budget and how much things actually cost. Total shock to me!
    I get this - you forget about little things!

    Other ways to cut costs:

    - Booze: Either eliminate alcohol, or limit your selection to beer and wine, which is generally much cheaper than a full bar.

    - Reception time: Is your venue fully booked? If you have flexibility in the ceremony/reception times, consider having a morning ceremony and a brunch reception. It's often less expensive than dinner.

    - Music: You could eliminate the DJ/band and use an iPod if you have the time and energy to get the music selections together on your own. We did this for my sister's wedding, and it was great!

    - Flowers: Buy flowers wholesale from some place like Costco. I spent a little over $200 for ALL the flowers for my bouquet, BM bouquets, boutonnieres for my H and groomsmen, and for the centerpieces. You could probably spend even less if you opted not to have floral centerpieces. If you order flowers like hydrangeas for bouquets (which is what I did), you could have one single hydrangea in each centerpiece, since they are very large blooms.

    - Favors: Not necessary. We did not have them and no one cared.

    - Programs: Also not necessary.

    - Cake: You could order one small, fancy cake for cutting, and then large sheet cakes from Costco. Much cheaper than going through a specialized bakery, and lost of posters on here have been amazed at how delicious Costco cake is!

    There are probably a ton of other ways, but those are the first things that come to mind. Feel free to ask about other ideas you may have!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    OurWildKingdomshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes. Wedding party members are guests, so send them invitations just like the other guests, even if they are local and have the logistical information already.
    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
  • Absolutely a must. 
    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ksulaski said:
    Thank you! Yes, please send all cost cutting ways my way! I am amazed at how we were so conservative with our budget and how much things actually cost. Total shock to me!
    I get this - you forget about little things!

    Other ways to cut costs:

    - Booze: Either eliminate alcohol, or limit your selection to beer and wine, which is generally much cheaper than a full bar.

    - Reception time: Is your venue fully booked? If you have flexibility in the ceremony/reception times, consider having a morning ceremony and a brunch reception. It's often less expensive than dinner.

    - Music: You could eliminate the DJ/band and use an iPod if you have the time and energy to get the music selections together on your own. We did this for my sister's wedding, and it was great!

    - Flowers: Buy flowers wholesale from some place like Costco. I spent a little over $200 for ALL the flowers for my bouquet, BM bouquets, boutonnieres for my H and groomsmen, and for the centerpieces. You could probably spend even less if you opted not to have floral centerpieces. If you order flowers like hydrangeas for bouquets (which is what I did), you could have one single hydrangea in each centerpiece, since they are very large blooms.

    - Favors: Not necessary. We did not have them and no one cared.

    - Programs: Also not necessary.

    - Cake: You could order one small, fancy cake for cutting, and then large sheet cakes from Costco. Much cheaper than going through a specialized bakery, and lost of posters on here have been amazed at how delicious Costco cake is!

    There are probably a ton of other ways, but those are the first things that come to mind. Feel free to ask about other ideas you may have!
    Several of things, I am assuming are already under contract (I doubt she could change her reception which would also require changing invitations). Favors and programs are definitely something that can be eliminated though. If OP didn't have to sign a contract for the cake that could work too. Ditto for flowers. I know my DD had to sign a contract and give a sizable deposit for flowers and reception by this time in her wedding planning.
    madamerwinMyNameIsNot
  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    You can also save money on invitations, by sending out post cards with a URL to your wedding website + online RSVP (i.e., GloSite, SquareSpace, RSVPify, Greenvelope). That can save a bundle in stamps and paper.


    k thnx bye

  • Without reading other responses... yes.  Please send your wedding party invitations.  I know you mentioned they were in town but I was in a wedding where the bride decided not to send me an invite.  It was difficult because I did not have anything to give my fiance who had to drive into town separately and she freaked out at me for not booking the hotel room when I never got the information from the invite.  It may seem trivial and you may not have these problems but to me it is a respect thing.  Respect me enough to send me the piece of paper everyone else gets.
    OurWildKingdomMesmrEweshort+sassy
  • SP29 said:

    I suppose, technically, as the WP, they already know the date/time/location and have RSVP'd yes by accepting the position..... but personally, I'd still send them formal invitations- they are still guests above all.
    I agree - technically they did RSVP yes by accepting the position and the should know date and time. I talked about my lost-in-the-mail invites every now and then on here. I had two that I know of get lost. My aunt's (which caused my grandma to freak out on my mom) and our MC's. He lived one street behind us. Anyway, his mom worked with MIL. His mom told MIL that MC had mentioned he was upset because we asked him to MC and then never sent him an invitation. DH cleared it up, talked to him and told him it was addressed, stamped and sent with all the others. I'm sure we just hand delivered another one. Moral - even though he had RSVPed by accepting the position and knew all the details, he was hurt enough to bring it up to his mom, which in turn led to MIL and us, that we didn't send him an invite.  

    I know it's probably against etiquette for his mom to have said anything, but we're glad she did, because otherwise, we would've probably missed out on having a good friend at our wedding, and we would have hurt his feelings (even though we did everything we were supposed to do - it was something we had no control over). 
    OurWildKingdom
  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    YogaSandy said:
    SP29 said:

    I suppose, technically, as the WP, they already know the date/time/location and have RSVP'd yes by accepting the position..... but personally, I'd still send them formal invitations- they are still guests above all.
    I agree - technically they did RSVP yes by accepting the position and the should know date and time. I talked about my lost-in-the-mail invites every now and then on here. I had two that I know of get lost. My aunt's (which caused my grandma to freak out on my mom) and our MC's. He lived one street behind us. Anyway, his mom worked with MIL. His mom told MIL that MC had mentioned he was upset because we asked him to MC and then never sent him an invitation. DH cleared it up, talked to him and told him it was addressed, stamped and sent with all the others. I'm sure we just hand delivered another one. Moral - even though he had RSVPed by accepting the position and knew all the details, he was hurt enough to bring it up to his mom, which in turn led to MIL and us, that we didn't send him an invite.  

    I know it's probably against etiquette for his mom to have said anything, but we're glad she did, because otherwise, we would've probably missed out on having a good friend at our wedding, and we would have hurt his feelings (even though we did everything we were supposed to do - it was something we had no control over). 
    Also, just because they've RSVP'd yes doesn't mean they're going to remember the correct information. One of my bridesmaids volunteered to do my programs because she loves graphic design. She put the wrong date on the program mock ups we were working on and didn't catch it herself.  I might have had to remind her twice to fix it. She probably would have shown up on the right day, because were making plans for Saturday morning and all that jazz. But the exact date isn't as important to everyone else as it is to you. Having a piece of paper with a reminder makes it much easier.
    image
    ILoveBeachMusicOurWildKingdom
  • YogaSandy said:
    SP29 said:

    I suppose, technically, as the WP, they already know the date/time/location and have RSVP'd yes by accepting the position..... but personally, I'd still send them formal invitations- they are still guests above all.
    I agree - technically they did RSVP yes by accepting the position and the should know date and time. I talked about my lost-in-the-mail invites every now and then on here. I had two that I know of get lost. My aunt's (which caused my grandma to freak out on my mom) and our MC's. He lived one street behind us. Anyway, his mom worked with MIL. His mom told MIL that MC had mentioned he was upset because we asked him to MC and then never sent him an invitation. DH cleared it up, talked to him and told him it was addressed, stamped and sent with all the others. I'm sure we just hand delivered another one. Moral - even though he had RSVPed by accepting the position and knew all the details, he was hurt enough to bring it up to his mom, which in turn led to MIL and us, that we didn't send him an invite.  

    I know it's probably against etiquette for his mom to have said anything, but we're glad she did, because otherwise, we would've probably missed out on having a good friend at our wedding, and we would have hurt his feelings (even though we did everything we were supposed to do - it was something we had no control over). 
    Sidenote, and maybe it's the control freak in me, but this sounds like my worst nightmare. Is there any etiquette-approved way to see if mailed invites were received? I'm guessing not, but I'd be mortified/so sad if anyone on our invite list didn't think they were invited. I know that an invite is not a summons, so I wouldn't go around calling people, "Did you get the invite? Did you? DID YOU?!" We weren't planning on sending save-the-dates, but now I'm re-thinking it...
  • A&B567 said:
    YogaSandy said:
    SP29 said:

    I suppose, technically, as the WP, they already know the date/time/location and have RSVP'd yes by accepting the position..... but personally, I'd still send them formal invitations- they are still guests above all.
    I agree - technically they did RSVP yes by accepting the position and the should know date and time. I talked about my lost-in-the-mail invites every now and then on here. I had two that I know of get lost. My aunt's (which caused my grandma to freak out on my mom) and our MC's. He lived one street behind us. Anyway, his mom worked with MIL. His mom told MIL that MC had mentioned he was upset because we asked him to MC and then never sent him an invitation. DH cleared it up, talked to him and told him it was addressed, stamped and sent with all the others. I'm sure we just hand delivered another one. Moral - even though he had RSVPed by accepting the position and knew all the details, he was hurt enough to bring it up to his mom, which in turn led to MIL and us, that we didn't send him an invite.  

    I know it's probably against etiquette for his mom to have said anything, but we're glad she did, because otherwise, we would've probably missed out on having a good friend at our wedding, and we would have hurt his feelings (even though we did everything we were supposed to do - it was something we had no control over). 
    Sidenote, and maybe it's the control freak in me, but this sounds like my worst nightmare. Is there any etiquette-approved way to see if mailed invites were received? I'm guessing not, but I'd be mortified/so sad if anyone on our invite list didn't think they were invited. I know that an invite is not a summons, so I wouldn't go around calling people, "Did you get the invite? Did you? DID YOU?!" We weren't planning on sending save-the-dates, but now I'm re-thinking it...
    I'm no expert, so I definitely don't know if there are approved ways. I always thought "it got lost in the mail" was a made-up excuse - that never happens. As far as I know, only two of ours got lost, but it's real. Made me think of what stuff I've never received. You know, like those five million dollar cheques from long lost relatives. I guess those all got lost in the mail too. :(
    OurWildKingdom[Deleted User]MesmrEwe
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A&B567 said:
    YogaSandy said:
    SP29 said:

    I suppose, technically, as the WP, they already know the date/time/location and have RSVP'd yes by accepting the position..... but personally, I'd still send them formal invitations- they are still guests above all.
    I agree - technically they did RSVP yes by accepting the position and the should know date and time. I talked about my lost-in-the-mail invites every now and then on here. I had two that I know of get lost. My aunt's (which caused my grandma to freak out on my mom) and our MC's. He lived one street behind us. Anyway, his mom worked with MIL. His mom told MIL that MC had mentioned he was upset because we asked him to MC and then never sent him an invitation. DH cleared it up, talked to him and told him it was addressed, stamped and sent with all the others. I'm sure we just hand delivered another one. Moral - even though he had RSVPed by accepting the position and knew all the details, he was hurt enough to bring it up to his mom, which in turn led to MIL and us, that we didn't send him an invite.  

    I know it's probably against etiquette for his mom to have said anything, but we're glad she did, because otherwise, we would've probably missed out on having a good friend at our wedding, and we would have hurt his feelings (even though we did everything we were supposed to do - it was something we had no control over). 
    Sidenote, and maybe it's the control freak in me, but this sounds like my worst nightmare. Is there any etiquette-approved way to see if mailed invites were received? I'm guessing not, but I'd be mortified/so sad if anyone on our invite list didn't think they were invited. I know that an invite is not a summons, so I wouldn't go around calling people, "Did you get the invite? Did you? DID YOU?!" We weren't planning on sending save-the-dates, but now I'm re-thinking it...
    One should contact anyone who did not RSVP by the RSVP date, so one would figure it out then if an invitation was not received.

    We had one invitation not received (because I had the postal code wrong- but it also didn't get returned to us, even with a return address, so I didn't know it was wrong). We had one RSVP not received by us.
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    A&B567 said:
    YogaSandy said:
    SP29 said:

    I suppose, technically, as the WP, they already know the date/time/location and have RSVP'd yes by accepting the position..... but personally, I'd still send them formal invitations- they are still guests above all.
    I agree - technically they did RSVP yes by accepting the position and the should know date and time. I talked about my lost-in-the-mail invites every now and then on here. I had two that I know of get lost. My aunt's (which caused my grandma to freak out on my mom) and our MC's. He lived one street behind us. Anyway, his mom worked with MIL. His mom told MIL that MC had mentioned he was upset because we asked him to MC and then never sent him an invitation. DH cleared it up, talked to him and told him it was addressed, stamped and sent with all the others. I'm sure we just hand delivered another one. Moral - even though he had RSVPed by accepting the position and knew all the details, he was hurt enough to bring it up to his mom, which in turn led to MIL and us, that we didn't send him an invite.  

    I know it's probably against etiquette for his mom to have said anything, but we're glad she did, because otherwise, we would've probably missed out on having a good friend at our wedding, and we would have hurt his feelings (even though we did everything we were supposed to do - it was something we had no control over). 
    Sidenote, and maybe it's the control freak in me, but this sounds like my worst nightmare. Is there any etiquette-approved way to see if mailed invites were received? I'm guessing not, but I'd be mortified/so sad if anyone on our invite list didn't think they were invited. I know that an invite is not a summons, so I wouldn't go around calling people, "Did you get the invite? Did you? DID YOU?!" We weren't planning on sending save-the-dates, but now I'm re-thinking it...
    You could always send it with a return receipt or certified mail, but that seems a bit over the top. 

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards