I loathe this lady.
DEAR ABBY: We visit my in-laws two or three times a year. During our most recent visit, my kids (ages 12 and 14) were roughhousing with their cousins and accidentally slammed a door, which resulted in a broken frame. Their grandpa had asked them to stop, which they apparently didn’t do.
Now, three months later, my in-laws are visiting us, and my mother-in-law is having the kids pay for the frame. When I spoke up and let her know I thought this was inappropriate, she became very upset and said, “Kids these days don’t have any consequences,” and this is what she and the kids had agreed should happen.
I emphasized in front of the kids how important it is to listen, to be accountable for your actions and to see what they could’ve done to make it up to her. I’m just not comfortable with her still holding onto this and expecting them to pay for the frame. It seems to me that a conversation about respect and listening is plenty appropriate but, after that, shouldn’t my mother-in-law have gracefully let it go?
These kids, by the way, get excellent school reports, play instruments and sports, and are considered by most people to be great kids. Was I wrong to express my opinion that having the kids pay her is inappropriate? If it wasn’t, then maybe we shouldn’t visit at her home, since it’s filled with breakable valuables.
I am very frustrated by my controlling mother-in-law. — UPSET IN MORRO BAY
Re: I loathe this lady.
"...this is what she and the kids had agreed should happen. I emphasized in front of the kids how important it is to listen, to be accountable for your actions and to see what they could’ve done to make it up to her."
Sounds to me like the kids are being held/holding themselves accountable for their actions. FFS. MIL's house, MIL's rules. I seem to recall having to help pay for a neighbor's window as a kid, when a game of street hockey went horribly awry...
They are old enough to know better and getting good grades and playing an instrument is no excuse. Good grief lady.
Furthermore, the grandma is right. This is beyond a 'talking to'...the kids should be held financially responsible. Hell if it is feasible, I'd recommend having them come help repair the damage.
I sent my heel into a wall when I was 12-13 because I was doing cartwheels in my narrow upstairs hallway. I had to spend an afternoon spackling and shit with my dad.
This chick is doing her kids ZERO favors by trying to circumvent the IL's request. Her tone in this letter is horrible and I'm sure she's hated her MIL (and probably vice versa) for a long time.
I'm not quite sure why she's mad at the deal her MIL and the kids decided "would make it up to her." This is odd. LW's got something else going on.
I think that the grandmother's discipline was the right take on the situation. I would likely have done something similar if my kid wasn't listening and accidentally broke something - she would have been punished and would have had to do her best to "make it right" - either replace or repair the item if possible.
Related: A little boy in Wolverine's class cut her hair on Tuesday. (Without her permission - apparently he had been brushing it and decided to chop off a piece. Luckily, it's not too bad - but not really fixable.) I was a little frustrated with the situation because it could have been prevented if the teachers had been paying more attention and were keeping track of scissors after art. The other kid was sent home as discipline from the school. I ended up seeing his mother yesterday, and she apologized profusely and handed me a packet of paper. She had written an apology and had her son do the same. She had also enclosed some money to cover a cut to "fix" it - half of which was in $1 bills. The post script on the note said that the little boy had contributed half of the money from his piggy bank to make up for what he had done. I thought it was a nice gesture, and appreciated the way that she handled it.
The LW is cray.
What a passive aggressive dick. Thinly veiled threat that if grandma can't do as I say then she won't see my kids. I do not like this woman.
I have a feeling that LW is in for a rude awakening when her kids get older and she can't argue with a school principal that they play a sport and get good grades so why are they being punished?
I'd rather be a strict parent than en enabling one.
This is so stupid. People like this lady are the reason why so many millennials think they should be able to get away with anything they want to.
This sounds like a perfectly reasonable punishment/consequence to me.
Unless maybe the door frame was already very damaged? That's the only way the LW's response makes sense to me.
::eyeroll::
Look, the kids should have to pay. They broke something. Now they'll replace it. They'd have to do it anywhere else, why not Grandma and Grandpa's?
Then how can I help?"
Dude, Daniel Tiger has covered this. If preschoolers have it covered, it ain't rocket surgery.
Either way, this was solved, until this lady butted in with her turf-war consequence nonsense.