• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding Woes

I loathe this lady.

DEAR ABBY: We visit my in-laws two or three times a year. During our most recent visit, my kids (ages 12 and 14) were roughhousing with their cousins and accidentally slammed a door, which resulted in a broken frame. Their grandpa had asked them to stop, which they apparently didn’t do.

Now, three months later, my in-laws are visiting us, and my mother-in-law is having the kids pay for the frame. When I spoke up and let her know I thought this was inappropriate, she became very upset and said, “Kids these days don’t have any consequences,” and this is what she and the kids had agreed should happen.

I emphasized in front of the kids how important it is to listen, to be accountable for your actions and to see what they could’ve done to make it up to her. I’m just not comfortable with her still holding onto this and expecting them to pay for the frame. It seems to me that a conversation about respect and listening is plenty appropriate but, after that, shouldn’t my mother-in-law have gracefully let it go?

These kids, by the way, get excellent school reports, play instruments and sports, and are considered by most people to be great kids. Was I wrong to express my opinion that having the kids pay her is inappropriate? If it wasn’t, then maybe we shouldn’t visit at her home, since it’s filled with breakable valuables.

I am very frustrated by my controlling mother-in-law. — UPSET IN MORRO BAY

Re: I loathe this lady.

  • Mom is out of line and maybe she just doesn't like someone inserting herself as an authority of her children and giving consequences too them.   Too bad.   

    They are old enough to know better and getting good grades and playing an instrument is no excuse.   Good grief lady. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • DEAR ABBY: We visit my in-laws two or three times a year. During our most recent visit, my kids (ages 12 and 14) were roughhousing with their cousins and accidentally slammed a door, which resulted in a broken frame. Their grandpa had asked them to stop, which they apparently didn’t do.

    Now, three months later, my in-laws are visiting us, and my mother-in-law is having the kids pay for the frame. When I spoke up and let her know I thought this was inappropriate, she became very upset and said, “Kids these days don’t have any consequences,” and this is what she and the kids had agreed should happen.

    I emphasized in front of the kids how important it is to listen, to be accountable for your actions and to see what they could’ve done to make it up to her. I’m just not comfortable with her still holding onto this and expecting them to pay for the frame. It seems to me that a conversation about respect and listening is plenty appropriate but, after that, shouldn’t my mother-in-law have gracefully let it go?

    These kids, by the way, get excellent school reports, play instruments and sports, and are considered by most people to be great kids. Was I wrong to express my opinion that having the kids pay her is inappropriate? If it wasn’t, then maybe we shouldn’t visit at her home, since it’s filled with breakable valuables.

    I am very frustrated by my controlling mother-in-law. — UPSET IN MORRO BAY


    I'm not quite sure why she's mad at the deal her MIL and the kids decided "would make it up to her."  This is odd.  LW's got something else going on.
  • DEAR ABBY: We visit my in-laws two or three times a year. During our most recent visit, my kids (ages 12 and 14) were roughhousing with their cousins and accidentally slammed a door, which resulted in a broken frame. Their grandpa had asked them to stop, which they apparently didn’t do.

    Now, three months later, my in-laws are visiting us, and my mother-in-law is having the kids pay for the frame. When I spoke up and let her know I thought this was inappropriate, she became very upset and said, “Kids these days don’t have any consequences,” and this is what she and the kids had agreed should happen.

    I emphasized in front of the kids how important it is to listen, to be accountable for your actions and to see what they could’ve done to make it up to her. I’m just not comfortable with her still holding onto this and expecting them to pay for the frame. It seems to me that a conversation about respect and listening is plenty appropriate but, after that, shouldn’t my mother-in-law have gracefully let it go?

    These kids, by the way, get excellent school reports, play instruments and sports, and are considered by most people to be great kids. Was I wrong to express my opinion that having the kids pay her is inappropriate? If it wasn’t, then maybe we shouldn’t visit at her home, since it’s filled with breakable valuables.

    I am very frustrated by my controlling mother-in-law. — UPSET IN MORRO BAY

    If by breakables you mean normal door frames then yes you shouldn't take your kids anywhere with those until you're ready to accept the consequences for their behavior. Sounds like they already are. 
    Heffalumplnixon8OliveOilsMom
  • "Maybe we shouldn’t visit at her home, since it’s filled with breakable valuables."

    What a passive aggressive dick. Thinly veiled threat that if grandma can't do as I say then she won't see my kids. I do not like this woman.
                 
    scrunchythiefmrsconn23OurWildKingdomKnottie1430025803
  • edited May 2016
    Double post  
                 
  • Yeah, I missed that she said doorframe and not picture frame.   

    I have a feeling that LW is in for a rude awakening when her kids get older and she can't argue with a school principal that they play a sport and get good grades so why are they being punished?


    I'd rather be a strict parent than en enabling one. 
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    This is so stupid. People like this lady are the reason why so many millennials think they should be able to get away with anything they want to.

    This sounds like a perfectly reasonable punishment/consequence to me.


  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    When I was ten, I left a pair of shoes at a friend's house on the stairs while we were playing.  One of the adults at the house tripped over them and broke his ankle.  My parents made me pay for his doctor's visit and the subsequent cast out of my savings.  Because I knew better than to leave my shoes on the stairs, that was my punishment. And I had to write a letter to him telling him I was sorry.  I realize that now paying for someone's injury is more complicated legally, but I was fully expected to take full responsibility for the action.  


    image
  • This wasn't a precariously placed glass object that normal use of a house could easily break.  This was a door frame!  The only people I've seen break a door frame not on purpose have severe mental health problems (not implying anything about the boys in this example).  It's not something that easily happens by accident. 

    Unless maybe the door frame was already very damaged?  That's the only way the LW's response makes sense to me.

  • I emphasized in front of the kids how important it is to listen, to be accountable for your actions and to see what they could’ve done to make it up to her. I’m just not comfortable with her still holding onto this and expecting them to pay for the frame. It seems to me that a conversation about respect and listening is plenty appropriate but, after that, shouldn’t my mother-in-law have gracefully let it go?


    ::eyeroll::

    Look, the kids should have to pay.  They broke something.  Now they'll replace it.  They'd have to do it anywhere else, why not Grandma and Grandpa's?


    OurWildKingdom
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Parents who think their little darlings should be exempt from consequences make me see red. How will they function as adults? My son tapped a friends car once (with his car) - you couldn't really see any damage. Friend took it to get repaired and son paid the bill. Son was in high school and never questioned that he would pay for the repair.
    OurWildKingdom
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I still think it might be a picture frame - when I initially read it, I read it as door frame, but I'm thinking it's probably a hanging frame on the wall that got shaken by the door slam.

    Either way, this was solved, until this lady butted in with her turf-war consequence nonsense.
  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    GBCK said:
    "Saying I"m soooorry is the first step
    Then how can I help?"

    Dude, Daniel Tiger has covered this.  If preschoolers have it covered, it ain't rocket surgery.
    Maybe LW is a belieber and would prefer a handwritten piece of paper?



    mrsconn23
  • I still think it might be a picture frame - when I initially read it, I read it as door frame, but I'm thinking it's probably a hanging frame on the wall that got shaken by the door slam.

    Either way, this was solved, until this lady butted in with her turf-war consequence nonsense.
    After rereading, I think you're right.  And if it is a picture frame, that's probably a cheaper fix too. 
    mrsconn23
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards