This is from a recent Dear Prudence column on Slate.
Dear Prudence,
I was a bridezilla, and I’m sorry about it. I laughed at those women who wanted the “perfect fairy tale wedding” that was all about them. And then I got engaged and became one of them. I spent hours poring over bridal magazines, dragging friends to bridal shops, and telling them they were ignorant or worse when they disagreed with me over silly things like the exact shade of ivory I needed for napkins. I told one of my bridesmaids to cover her tattoos. I told another to lose weight. I drove my maid of honor to tears with my constant demands and emails. I made my fiancé drop his brother as best man when I heard him tell my fiancé to end our relationship because I was crazy.
I was crazy. I was wrong. But I don’t know what to do. When I look at the perfect pictures of our wedding, I just feel ashamed of myself. Only one of my bridesmaids will speak to me. My husband’s relationship with his brother is strained because of my behavior. And our marriage is not the greatest. I own it all. I did this terrible stuff. But how do I fix it?
You’ve recognized your wrongdoing, which is the first step; you have a desire to make things right with the people you’ve harmed, which is all to the good. The last thing you want to do is hide and avoid the truth. You should instead openly acknowledge your past behavior and how it’s hurt the people you love. Start with your husband. Tell him that, as you think back at how you were leading up to the wedding, you’re deeply ashamed and sorry and that you want to make things right. Be specific about what you did to him that you think hurt him and ask honestly if there’s anything you’ve left out. He’s already stood by you when you were at your worst, so I think this conversation is likely to help your marriage rather than weaken it.
Do the same thing with the others, naming and apologizing for your acts of unkindness, listening with an open and nondefensive mind to their perspectives, and acknowledging that you will not be able to make up for everything you did at once but would like to continue to try to make things right with your amended future behavior. It’s possible some of these people will not be interested in hearing your apology. This will be painful, of course, but you must accept it; everyone has the right not to accept an apology, and you cannot force anyone to forgive you. What you can make right, make right; what you cannot fix, let serve as a reminder to you in the future to treat others better, and with more respect, than you have previously.