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How to Deal with People Inviting Other People?

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance are planning to have a wedding under 100. I wanted a smaller intimate wedding with the people I know and love, and my fiance respects that. Throughout the whole process we've come across people asking about wedding details, and we understand that they are excited. We've already made a list and it's pretty much finalized.

My fiance's mother insisted we invite her childhood friend. We've only met them a few times. I'm not close to them and neither is my fiance, they never call, and are not very into our lives. The mother's friend has a husband and two kids. Since we don't really know the kids that well, we've met them a few times but not to the point where we are 'friends', more like my fiance's mother's friend's kids. 

Well, we sent a SAVE THE DATE just to the couple.  With just their names, no kids mentioned. They sent us a card back with how much they are excited and how happy that we found love within each other. It was very sweet! The problem is, she signed the kids onto the card. We are not planning on inviting them.

Is she pushing to invite her kids to the wedding or was she just being nice by signing the card with the whole family? Thoughts?
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Re: How to Deal with People Inviting Other People?

  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto PP.  Just like the STD was addressed to the couple, the wedding invitation should be too.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just send an invitation to the couple and not to their kids. If they push for their kids to be invited at that time, deal with it then. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Probably out of habit signed the card the whole family. 

    That said - if your Mom is paying and wants the kids invited - your Mom gets a say...  If not, then you're free to invite the friend and her husband only.  Now, if they're from OOT and the two kids are young, you still aren't obligated to invite them, but it is a kind gesture if you can accommodate them that they be invited. 

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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto PPs.  Don't assume anything.  I wouldn't worry about this until (hypothetical) she sends back an RSVP with the kids on it.  Then you can politely let her know the invitation was for her and her husband only, and that you hope they can still make it.  But that may be a non-issue, so don't add more stress to your life by worrying about it now.  


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yes! I thought it was just lovely. I have it sitting on my counter. I am just worried because the friend talked to my mother's fiance on the phone. She mentioned how excited the family was to come down and asking details because they live upstate.  
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    MairePoppy said:
    That was nice of her to send a card. That's all it was a nice gesture, which doesn't obligate you to invite the kids.

    Yes! I thought it was just lovely. I have it sitting on my counter. I am just worried because the friend talked to my mother's fiance on the phone. She mentioned how excited the family was to come down and asking details because they live upstate.  
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Fortunately both kids are in college so they can stay home alone/college. Parents insisted to help from both sides, but it wasn't for the whole thing. We're paying for the wedding 90%. We've budgeted everything so my parents and his parents can't decide who to invite. I'd understand if they covered the whole thing though.



    MesmrEwe said:

    Probably out of habit signed the card the whole family. 

    That said - if your Mom is paying and wants the kids invited - your Mom gets a say...  If not, then you're free to invite the friend and her husband only.  Now, if they're from OOT and the two kids are young, you still aren't obligated to invite them, but it is a kind gesture if you can accommodate them that they be invited. 


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  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Fortunately both kids are in college so they can stay home alone/college. Parents insisted to help from both sides, but it wasn't for the whole thing. We're paying for the wedding 90%. We've budgeted everything so my parents and his parents can't decide who to invite. I'd understand if they covered the whole thing though.
    @PolskaBlondynka Just because they're only contributing a little, doesn't mean they can't put strings on that percentage they're contributing! They can say "here's $1,000", and then a few months later turn around and say, "We're contributing, and we really want that money to go toward inviting X,Y, and Z"...and you can either return the money, or do as the retro-active strings require. Tread lightly.

    k thnx bye

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    Tyvm said:
    Fortunately both kids are in college so they can stay home alone/college. Parents insisted to help from both sides, but it wasn't for the whole thing. We're paying for the wedding 90%. We've budgeted everything so my parents and his parents can't decide who to invite. I'd understand if they covered the whole thing though.
    @PolskaBlondynka Just because they're only contributing a little, doesn't mean they can't put strings on that percentage they're contributing! They can say "here's $1,000", and then a few months later turn around and say, "We're contributing, and we really want that money to go toward inviting X,Y, and Z"...and you can either return the money, or do as the retro-active strings require. Tread lightly.
    Then I would return the money. We planned our wedding almost 2 years out after we got engaged to make sure both me and my fiance saved that money up. It was very generous for them to contribute though but I wouldn't let them take the reins, unless they truly put up a fuss, I'd just return the money. Fortunately neither sides are crazy and both know that we want a small/intimate wedding. They know better than to invite Nancy, their next door neighbor. LOL
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    YogaSandy said:
    MesmrEwe said:

    Probably out of habit signed the card the whole family. 

    That could be it. My pastor once told me he recieved a birthday card (for his birthday) signed Love Mom, Dad, sister and Michael. He's Michael. 

    ETA I read OPs reply (after I posted) and realize it probably wasn't a mistake. However, I left the story because I think it's funny. 
    LOL that is actually pretty funny! 
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