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Bridal shower gift if not attending?

KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My closest friend and I are both getting married in the next 4 months. Her bridal shower is in her hometown- about 2 hours by plane. She told me before I even got my invite to her bridal shower 'not to worry about coming' - as I'd have to fly, get a hotel, etc and I'm flying for the wedding/missing work and flew for the bachelorette. Ok with me!

Well, come to find out later that there is going to be a bridal shower hosted for me where I & other bride currently live. I wasn't thinking I'd have one, so not going to hers didn't seem like a big deal, and I honestly didn't think about getting her a gift since I wasn't attending (maybe I was wrong there? I'm unsure)

Now I'm wondering, should I send a gift for her bridal shower? Where do I send it?? She said she's coming to my shower, so I now feel uncomfortable not getting her a gift/not attending (although it's now too late for me to attend as it's next weekend and flights are stupidly expensive)


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Re: Bridal shower gift if not attending?

  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's not required but she is your closest friend, so I would order a gift and have it shipped to her home, or to the hostess of the shower's home if it's in a home, with a note about how you're thinking of her and are sorry you couldn't make it. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    A gift isn't required if you're not attending the shower.

    If you want to give her a shower gift, you may bring it with you when you fly out for your shower or order from the registry and have it delivered. 
                       
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sounds like you weren't attending just because of logistics and not because you didn't want to attend. Honestly if it were me and my best friend I'd probably send a gift to her house before the shower with a note about how you're bummed to miss it but are looking forward to seeing her soon. 

    Yourenever required to give a gift, but in this case, with it being someone you're close to, why not?this year I've missed my sisters shower, my SILs, and Hs cousin's shower, but sent something because these are people I love and if I didn't live hundreds of miles away I would have celebrated in person. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd send a gift.  If I decline a shower for logistical reasons  I generally send something. 
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    OK thanks all. 

    The shower is being hosted by a few of her aunts who up til this point have made it clear they do NOT like her, or her mother (her Dad's sisters), and it's at a hotel, so I think sending it to her house would be best!

    Second question- since I've never been to a bridal shower- do I get something off of their registry? Or something else? Their registries have items within my price range, but I feel weird *just* sending one $45 potato masher, or a $60 set of wooden spoons, when I could go off registry and get her a few things...
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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Go for what she registered for. It would be rude for anyone to judge you buying just the potato masher (and most people at showers have seen the registry and would might be judging her more than you in that case) but if it's sent to her house just she and her fiance will know what you gave.


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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I never send gifts if I don't attend the shower although that just mean my wedding gift is bigger since I always just take my budget and split it between the events.

    I won't judge you for just getting the $45 potato masher or the $60 wooden spoons but I sure as hell judge the couple for registering for them.

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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I know it's not cool of me, but there no way of buy a $45 potato masher. I'd go of registry and include the gift receipt. But I'm tighter than the paper on the walls...$60 for wooden spoons???? That's just crazy to me.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with PP's and would send a gift. I would also try and buy something on their registry. Maybe you could find it cheaper elsewhere? Just make sure you include a gift receipt.
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  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    kvruns said:

    I never send gifts if I don't attend the shower although that just mean my wedding gift is bigger since I always just take my budget and split it between the events.

    I won't judge you for just getting the $45 potato masher or the $60 wooden spoons but I sure as hell judge the couple for registering for them.

    This is what I do when I do not attend the shower.
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  • scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    photokitty said:
    I know it's not cool of me, but there no way of buy a $45 potato masher. I'd go of registry and include the gift receipt. But I'm tighter than the paper on the walls...$60 for wooden spoons???? That's just crazy to me.
    I have never seen a potato masher anywhere close to this price, and I used to work at a kitchen gadget store.  I'm really curious about this now.  Does it mash 10 pounds of potatoes at once?  
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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    scrunchythief said:
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    I have never seen a potato masher anywhere close to this price, and I used to work at a kitchen gadget store.  I'm really curious about this now.  Does it mash 10 pounds of potatoes at once?  
    It's an All-Clad one :)
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  • scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    KnickerGold said:
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    It's an All-Clad one :)
    Ah, I see.  I'm just sayin', if I'm spending that much for something for my kitchen, in most cases it should go vroom.  Like my food processor.  DH calls them my kitchen power tools:)
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    scrunchythief said:
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    Ah, I see.  I'm just sayin', if I'm spending that much for something for my kitchen, in most cases it should go vroom.  Like my food processor.  DH calls them my kitchen power tools:)
    Exactly!

    It was pretty funny going through their registry... so many cooking items, yet neither cooks! 
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    KnickerGold said:
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    Exactly!

    It was pretty funny going through their registry... so many cooking items, yet neither cooks! 

    My cousin was like this. They are a super nice couple, but totally clueless. They both admit that neither cooks but there were pages and pages and pages of totally impractical but pretty stuff. Like $100 slate cutting boards.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • poodledoodleooopoodledoodleooo member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    If I'm close to someone, I normally send along a gift even if I can't attend.

    That said, gifts aren't tit for tat. You aren't required to get her anything just because she is coming to yours. Don't over think this. If you want to get her something - do it. If not - don't.
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    ShesSoCold said:
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    My cousin was like this. They are a super nice couple, but totally clueless. They both admit that neither cooks but there were pages and pages and pages of totally impractical but pretty stuff. Like $100 slate cutting boards.
    Ya, they opted to get EVERY piece of All-Clad copper core- aka twice the normal price of All Clad ($$$)
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    KahluaKoala said:
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    This is what I do when I do not attend the shower.
    Me three. I've said it before and I'll say it again. The occasion is not "a shower." The occasion is "you're getting married." You get a gift for getting married. If you're having a bunch of events to celebrate that fact, my gift budget is divided accordingly so I don't have the embarrassment of showing up somewhere empty-handed. 
    ________________________________


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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My thoughts are that if you would have attended the shower if it was logistically feasible, then I'd still give a gift regardless if you attend or not. Send it to her home. I'd buy off the registry, where able.

    Don't feel bad about buying something "small" when the price is so high. The couple must expect this. I'm all about quality, but at the same time, the B&G can't expect their guests to accommodate that... or at least realize they might get ONE item from each guest.
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    SP29 said:
    My thoughts are that if you would have attended the shower if it was logistically feasible, then I'd still give a gift regardless if you attend or not. Send it to her home. I'd buy off the registry, where able.

    Don't feel bad about buying something "small" when the price is so high. The couple must expect this. I'm all about quality, but at the same time, the B&G can't expect their guests to accommodate that... or at least realize they might get ONE item from each guest.
    Very good point! And that I believe would usually be the case, except that the majority of the guests are her parents' friends/colleagues so I think the registry was tailored to a higher budget!
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2016
    KnickerGold said:
    show previous quotes
    Ya, they opted to get EVERY piece of All-Clad copper core- aka twice the normal price of All Clad ($$$)


    Holy Man!  Those prices are insane, and ridiculous if the couple doesn't even really cook!  I cook, and have for 38 years of marriage.  Still using all my good ol' Revere Ware that I received at my showers. 

    Sigh....I just depressed myself just a little with those numbers.......

    ETA.....sorry for the slight derail......
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Definitely buy a gift from your friend's registry!  If there's nothing you think is reasonable and you must go off-registry, include a gift receipt.
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