Should you tell a friend if they may be fired?

psychbabe314 · June 2016

So, I went to a work party. A few of my co-workers couldn't come (Let's call them Jane and John). The party consisted of the vice-principal (VP), a daycare teacher (Lisa), Me, FI, a writing instructor (Kelly), two other teachers (Alex and Tom), and Tom's GF.

So, the VP announced to us all that the principal was planning to let go of John at the end of June. But, told us repeatedly throughout the night that it was a secret and then called us after the party to reiterate that Jane and John can't know. It is just so inappropriate that she told us.

I feel awful because I don't know if I should tell John or not. He is a friend of mine and has been having a rough time these past few months because of family issues. His father-in-law has had surgery, baby under a year old, wife hasn't been sleeping due to anxiety with her father, etc. But, on the other hand. If it comes back to me... who knows what happens.

So, the other weird part about this is that the VP said that the principal wants to hire Tom's GF as a full time teacher. Tom's GF wanted to celebrate and turn it into a "celebratory party" for her promotion. But for me and Alex, we can't be happy for her because John is getting pushed out.

John is a great teacher. He works hard and is always extremely friendly and an overall happy person. I'm at a loss. Do I tell him and ask him to keep my name out of it. Or do I just put my head down and ignore what's going on.

Note: I only plan on working this job until July 2017 when FI and I will be returning to the states. But, finding a job in my area proved to be difficult last time.

psychbabe314 · June 2016

Also, John and his wife and baby live in a home that he rents from the principal. They would have to move out pretty quickly and find a new place. I get the feeling that the principal may wait until the last moment to tell him that he is being let go, too.

drglitter · June 2016

This a terrible situation that the VP put you in.

Do you have any reason to believe that the VP is wrong, or exaggerating, about the principal's plans? Like, she's good friends with Tom's GF and is just hopeful and running her mouth?

If not, then I think I'd either warn John and deal with the consequences, or make sure an "anonymous note" found its way to him.

The principal may not be happy that the VP is giving away his/her secrets so maybe letting the secret out would help with the loose-lipped VP problem as well.

Good luck, I don't envy your situation.

charlotte989875 · June 2016

I would probably say something along the lines of " John you may want to get your resume together based on what I heard at the party". The fact that the VP was discussing this at a party with a number of people but then after the fact saying not to tell is inappropriate. If everyone knows but John that's pretty unfair, I'd give him a heads up.

WinstonsGirl · June 2016

In my province, that's against our Professional Code of Conduct, to talk about another teacher without talking to them first, so if you told John, he could pull you and AP into the Union. Could actually land you in hot water too (though if he found out you knew and didn't say, same thing). What a shitty thing for AP to do to you.

Is there anything John can do to change this?? Like he's always late, so he's getting fired, but if he showed up on time, that might change?? I'd say something then, so he could fix it, but it sounds like not.

AddieCake · June 2016

I think I would probably say something and just ask that your name be kept out of it. He needs to know that he may be losing his job so he isn't left penniless what with all the expenses he has. How awful, both for his family, and that she was ignorant and unprofessional enough to gossip like that.

monkeysip · June 2016

Wow, I'm sorry, that just sounds all kind of messed up. Hey, let's celebrate that we're going to fire this guy so this other girl can get promoted! Woohoo!

I'd probably give a heads up, although it's definitely tricky.

psychbabe314 · June 2016

@drglitter I don't know if the VP is wrong or not. They fired a teacher about 7 months after I got to the school. Because that teacher had slept with several of the mothers and it turned into a huge thing. But, she is not good friends with Tom's GF either. But I do know, that when I was hired, they were looking for two teachers. When I asked why the other teacher (since they were fully staffed), I was told that this other teacher was being fired. I assumed he knew, but it turned out he did not. But, they did give him a two month warning. All the teachers knew but him for months though.

@WinstonsGirl I don't think there is anything he can do. I know that he had spoken to me about his plans to ask for a small raise, because his class doubled in size. He wanted either a raise or for her to hire some part time help for him and another teacher, who also has almost 30 students. He had 15 kids for two years. Also, the VP mentioned that the principal did not think he was reliable because his wife was "strange". Basically, because she recently began taking anti-anxiety medication to help her sleep. Here, any sort of mental health issues are viewed negatively.

I think that if they go through with this though, and fire John, that it will cause internal issues. I know how I feel about it and have spoken with Alex about it, and we are both miffed that Tom's GF seemed so excited about the whole thing. She knows John as well. And Tom is only "miffed" (but seemed a bit excited) that he is being moved into John's position. The school year started out tough, on most of the teachers. It has not been a great place to work these past two months (school year started in April) since the principal increased the student body 85 to 105, but then did not add any more teachers to the staff.

SP29 · June 2016

What a mess! The VP sounds very unprofessional and what a shitty position to put you in.

Your school sounds unprofessional all around. It's hard to say, as the culture you are working in sounds VASTLY different than anything you'd see in the US/Canada/ UK. It sounds thought like policies and procedures aren't much of a "thing". Ethically you probably shouldn't say anything, but morally, I think I would. It seems like John is getting screwed over on multiple fronts, and any help would be good. I'd ask he keep your name out of it, but perhaps give him a heads up to start looking around at other options.

badbnagdway · June 2016

I would 100% tell John, whether, as someone said, in a note or otherwise. I would personally do it in person though and tell him to please keep your name out of it because you're afraid for your own job. The VP is really out of line in telling everyone that someone is being fired except for them. How could someone possibly expect that to remain a secret?

What about the Principal at this school? What are they like? I would consider telling the Principal about the way the VP is acting. In this case I might do an anonymous type written note instead of in person, especially if your are afraid of fall out.

I understand you are annoyed that someone is happy about their promotion when someone else is losing their job but such is life. Frankly I would try to get out of that terrible sounding place ASAP.

SaintPaulGal · June 2016

Tell him. This is your friend. If you were in his shoes, wouldn't you want to know? It's that simple. Do unto others and all that.

I know exactly how much this situation sucks. My partner and I are friends with someone he used to work with. He became aware (thankfully in a much less dramatic way) that the friend was about to be let go. He agonized a bit about whether to tell him, since obviously it is a sensitive topic and he didn't want it to get back to anyone else that he had shared the info. In the end, he decided that the friend deserved to know and that only an idiot would spill how he learned the news anyway. He had a really uncomfortable conversation with the friend, and we are all even closer than before.

psychbabe314 · June 2016

Thanks everyone. I asked the principal about Tom's GF and had a few questions for me too. The principal wanted to know how long Tom's GF was staying, and I told her that she can only stay for 3 months with a visitors visa. I asked if she was going to hire Tom's GF full time, but she said that she can't because Tom's GF doesn't have a four year degree (you need one to get a work visa). So, maybe it was just the VP talking shit.

What I ended up doing, was telling John that the VP was talking shit about him and to maybe watch what he was doing around her because she may be gunning to get him fired.

Should you tell a friend if they may be fired?

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