Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Wedding Vows / Including my daughter

Hello everyone, this is my first post. I am getting married in September of next year. My Fiance and I would like to include a special ceremony for my daughter. I'm here looking for ideas or suggestions.
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Re: Wedding Vows / Including my daughter

  • Your wedding will unite the two of you in marriage.  Your vows should not include your daughter.  This is about the two of you.  Any vows to your daughter have no legal meaning.  Adoption is the ceremony that does that.
    You may include your daughter in your bridal party as a flower girl or a bridesmaid.  Ask her how she feels about this before assuming that she will be OK with it.
    I wish you the best for your future, but I was very glad that my mother didn't insist that I say vows to her ex-husbands, or that they make promises to me (which they wouldn't keep).
    What about your daughter's father and relatives?  Are they in the picture?  How would you feel if an ex asked your daughter to be included in his wedding vows?  Tricky situation.
    You could give your daughter a special gift, privately, just before the ceremony.  Maybe a pearl pendant necklace?  She could keep it and wear it for her entire life, and maybe give it to her own daughter someday.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEweSP29STARMOON44DrillSergeantCat
  • CMGragain - Thank you for your response. Her father is unfortunately not in the picture at all, his choice. I guess I was looking for ways to make the day just as special for her as well. I like the idea of gifting her something privately.

    There is so much advice and ideas floating around the Internet, I felt I needed to find a group that I could ask my millions of questions at. My daughter is going to be a bridesmaid, and is excited about that. Once again, thank you for your input, it is greatly appreciated.
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    Knottie1452098987lnixon8
  • I really don't think you need to do anything else to make this a special day for you and your daughter.  Ask all the questions you want!  We will tell you the unvarnished truth.  This is not the site for people who just want validation for bad ideas, and you don't sound like you are one of those brides.  Welcome to The Knot!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEweSP29
  • I've been lurking for a bit, and I think your group is awesome. I'm here in search of help, not to have someone validate me. I'm just glad I found this place, some of the facebook groups are out of control.
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    SP29kimmiinthemitten
  • Welcome! Stick around!

    You can always also get a special picture of just the two (or three, if you want to include FI) of you on the wedding day and frame it.
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    ernursejCMGragainSP29
  • artbyallie - I like that idea. I will have to do it. Thank you.
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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There are many brides on the boards that are blending families with their wedding.  There are many ways to make the DAY feel special for all those involved.  It is strongly felt on the boards, however, that the ceremony itself speaks only to the couple marrying.

    Having said that, however, you can see that there are many ideas and ways to incorporate the entire family.  You have already been given several great ideas.  Other things to consider would be to wear something matching with your daughter on the wedding day, such as a piece of jewelry.  Others have incorporated a dance of some sort during the reception.  It does not have to be a spotlight dance.  Depending on your daughter's age, you could simply play a favorite song of hers and dance together.  You could make sure that the reception dinner includes a favorite or preferred food of hers as well.  You could also have a special mother/daughter time together having your hair done or having a mini spa day together.
    SP29Knottie1452098987DrillSergeantCat
  • MobKaz - I really like all of those ideas, I'll have to figure out which ones to use. Everyone here is so welcoming, and have so much great advice. Thanks for your suggestions, I appreciate them.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2016

    Your child shouldn't say vows, but, your minister could bless your family. I like this one, since your daughter's father isn't in the picture.

    "Oh Lord, today we not only celebrate this marriage, but we also celebrate the formation and affirmation of a family with - (child or children's names) - 

    We pray that you guide _______ and ________ as parents to raise and teach (child/children’s names) with love and respect; and that you protect this new family and keep them always in your care..." 


    Also, check out the Second Weddings board for ideas on ways to include children from previous relationships.
                       
    Knottie1452098987MobKazOurWildKingdompoodledoodleooo
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    Your child shouldn't say vows, but, your minister could bless your family. I like this one, since your daughter's father isn't in the picture.

    "Oh Lord, today we not only celebrate this marriage, but we also celebrate the formation and affirmation of a family with - (child or children's names) - 

    We pray that you guide _______ and ________ as parents to raise and teach (child/children’s names) with love and respect; and that you protect this new family and keep them always in your care..." 


    Also, check out the Second Weddings board for ideas on ways to include children from previous relationships.
    This is beautiful. I love it!
    MairePoppy

  • Your child shouldn't say vows, but, your minister could bless your family. I like this one, since your daughter's father isn't in the picture.

    "Oh Lord, today we not only celebrate this marriage, but we also celebrate the formation and affirmation of a family with - (child or children's names) - 

    We pray that you guide _______ and ________ as parents to raise and teach (child/children’s names) with love and respect; and that you protect this new family and keep them always in your care..." 


    Also, check out the Second Weddings board for ideas on ways to include children from previous relationships.
    I really like that. Thank you so much for the idea.
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    MairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2016
                       
  • MairePoppy
    Thank you for the link! I really appreciate it.
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  • When my husband and I got married, our pastor had a great idea: pick a day near your wedding but not your actual anniversary,  and celebrate it as a "family birthday". We chose a place close enough for a day trip but special enough to be exciting, and return there every year. We have cake or a special dessert together and sometimes do a family present (hand drawn caricature, photo book of memories, etc.). It keeps the wedding and anniversary for the couple while also acknowledging and celebrating the family status change of everyone.  
    ILoveBeachMusicMairePoppyOurWildKingdom
  • 00kim00
    That's a sweet tradition, I like it.  :)
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