It's an invitation, not a summons

baconsmom · June 2016

Dear Prudence,
Do I have to go to my sister-in-law’s baby shower? I’m a first-year teacher who has virtually no extra income and really can’t afford a single thing on her wish list. I don’t know any of her friends (nor care to). I hate baby showers, and I don’t go to even my friend’s showers, nor would I have one when and if I ever get pregnant! I dislike my sister-in-law, and she knows it. I genuinely don’t think she wants me there. The real problem is my mom. This is her first grandbaby, and she is crazy about him already. She feels I should really be excited about this too, but I’m just not. Do I have to go?

—Baby Shower

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

Politely decline and send a card with an IOU for cleaning, babysitting, or cooking a meal. Easy-peasy.

MissKittyDanger · June 2016

If it's mutual dislike, I vote no. She could be nice and send along a card of well wishes.
Honestly I wouldn't want someone I don't like and doesn't like me to be at a celebration, especially when it's suppose to be happy and exciting.

monkeysip · June 2016

MissKittyDanger said:

If it's mutual dislike, I vote no. She could be nice and send along a card of well wishes.
Honestly I wouldn't want someone I don't like and doesn't like me to be at a celebration, especially when it's suppose to be happy and exciting.

I mean, LW was invited. So does the SIL THINK LW likes her? Or was it one of those obligatory guilt invitations?

bleve0821 · June 2016

If there really is a mutual dislike here, and LW was invited out of obligation rather than out of an actual desire for her presence.... Recipe. For. Disaster. LW feels obligated to go and doesn't want to, SIL felt obligated to invite her but didn't want to... No one wins, and the hard feelings could worsen.

If this were me, fuck no, I wouldn't go. But my SIL hates the very air I breathe, so that's a non-starter for me.

Edited because apparently TK likes to abridge things. And I didn't notice because I was eavesdropping again

MissKittyDanger · June 2016

monkeysip said:

show previous quotes

MissKittyDanger said:

If it's mutual dislike, I vote no. She could be nice and send along a card of well wishes.
Honestly I wouldn't want someone I don't like and doesn't like me to be at a celebration, especially when it's suppose to be happy and exciting.

I mean, LW was invited. So does the SIL THINK LW likes her? Or was it one of those obligatory guilt invitations?

My guess guilt because the mother seems to want things nice $:\$

*Barbie* · June 2016

She can politely decline and just send a card and a $10 outfit from Target when the kid is born. Is she planning to treat her nephew like crap just because she thinks SIL is a crotch-waffle?

glasgowtolondon · June 2016

I'd be working up to being 'really, really ill' that weekend. I know an invitation isn't a summons, and there are more adult ways to go about things, but if LW's family dynamic is as delicate as mine is....well, sometimes a white lie helps to keep the peace. I like @OurWildKingdom suggestion of an IOU for some cleaning or cooking once the baby is born.

kahluakoala · June 2016

I think the cooking and cleaning (per @OurWildKingdom) is a SUPER kind offer for someone you care deeply about but just are having trouble making ends meet, like when you WANT to get a really thoughtful gift but can't afford it.

I have to say, I think this warrants an hour of being polite and showing up (keep the peace + appease mom) and a $10-$15 gift, like a book or a target onesie or something

thefanciestbeckler · June 2016

In situations like this, I usually suck it up, buy a $10-20 gift card (or ask to pitch in with my mom), go for an hour, and then peace out early. To me, it isn't worth the drama that could ensue from not going.

mrsconn23 · June 2016

If it was a cousin, I'd be all 'meh'...but since it is her SIL and she's going to be this kid's aunt, then I think she should show up with an inexpensive gift (hello, get some children's books from half price books or goodwill (or a library sale) and a onesie) and stay for at least part of it.

I wonder if besides the $$$ issue, mom being gaga over SIL and the impending baby is frustrating to LW.

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

mrs.conn23 said:

If it was a cousin, I'd be all 'meh'...but since it is her SIL and she's going to be this kid's aunt, then I think she should show up with an inexpensive gift (hello, get some children's books from half price books or goodwill (or a library sale) and a onesie) and stay for at least part of it.

I wonder if besides the $$$ issue, mom being gaga over SIL and the impending baby is frustrating to LW.

Library sales rock!!!!

LW could also go through her/his/their childhood books and toys and pass on any heirlooms. Christmas 2011, I was broke and depressed, but I was well enough to have a brainwave to give my niece my old dollhouse. My Dad and Grandpa made it for me when I was three, and my parents still had it. A year or so ago, my Dad fixed it up and my Mom redecorated it. My niece *loves* it!

SP29 · June 2016

LW doesn't have to buy off the registry.

If it was anyone else, I'd say don't go. But since LW is going to be this future child's aunt, I'd suck it up for the 2 hours and buy a small gift. I think books are excellent gifts anyway, and they can be bought cheap.

drunkenwitch · June 2016

I say she doesn't have to go. She is known to dislike baby showers so why is this one different? Because she's the aunt? I am way closer to my friend's children then my actual blood related nieces. Being related doesn't make things mandatory.

It's an invitation, not a summons

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