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Reception Ideas

How many speeches/toasts?

How many speeches or toasts are customary? My future FIL has asked if he can speak at the wedding and we're debating about it for a few reasons. 
So far, my brother is doing the MCing for the event because the band wasn't crazy about doing intros and welcoming people. He's handing the mic off to MOH, who will give a brief speech and toast, will hand off to the BM, who will do the same.
We are debating whether to say ok to my FIL. 
My hesitation: 
My parents aren't speaking (they haven't asked, though I have a feeling my mom would like to). My future MIL is not speaking and she and my future FIL don't have a good relationship. I'm worried about my parents feeling slighted and my future MIL being angry. FI is less worried about this.
Both of us are also worried that my future FIL will be really long winded and that we have enough speeches already and this will delay dinner or bore the guests or both. As much as we could encourage him to be brief, we know it isn't likely that will happen. 
Thoughts? Is it bad to have him speak at another time- after dinner or at the band's set break?

If it matters, we're splitting the cost of the wedding with future FIL and my parents, three ways evenly. 

Re: How many speeches/toasts?

  • Are you having a rehearsal dinner? You could ask him to give a toast then rather than at the reception. Toasts from your MOH, your FIs BM, and intros sound good to me. 

    If you worry about him being long-winded I think it would be even more awkward/uncomfortable for your guests if he does it at a different time, especially after the dancing/music has started. 
    OurWildKingdomernursejpoodledoodleooo
  • How many speeches or toasts are customary? My future FIL has asked if he can speak at the wedding and we're debating about it for a few reasons. 
    So far, my brother is doing the MCing for the event because the band wasn't crazy about doing intros and welcoming people. He's handing the mic off to MOH, who will give a brief speech and toast, will hand off to the BM, who will do the same.
    We are debating whether to say ok to my FIL. 
    My hesitation: 
    My parents aren't speaking (they haven't asked, though I have a feeling my mom would like to). My future MIL is not speaking and she and my future FIL don't have a good relationship. I'm worried about my parents feeling slighted and my future MIL being angry. FI is less worried about this.
    Both of us are also worried that my future FIL will be really long winded and that we have enough speeches already and this will delay dinner or bore the guests or both. As much as we could encourage him to be brief, we know it isn't likely that will happen. 
    Thoughts? Is it bad to have him speak at another time- after dinner or at the band's set break?

    If it matters, we're splitting the cost of the wedding with future FIL and my parents, three ways evenly. 
    Let him talk.  But make it very, Very, VERY clear that he has Two Minutes.  At one-minute-fifty-nine-seconds, the DJ has been told to unplug the microphone.
    OurWildKingdomPrettyGirlLostSP29
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I had to two brief toasts (MOH and BM) at my wedding, and that's what I have seen at weddings I've attended.  Stopping to think about it, I've never seen a parent speak at a wedding.
  • Ditto PPs. I personally hate toasts/speeches/dissertations at weddings but can tolerate two very short toasts. Save the speeches for RD.
    Greenjinjo
  • 2 toasts (up to a max of 2 minutes each) and a welcome/intro by a parent (up to a minute) is the max I'd like to see. And I'd prefer no intros, but I know some people are set on that--it just seems like such a waste of time and energy that most people don't care about. 

    I'd definitely recommend letting people speak more at the rehearsal dinner, though. We asked someone who we knew would want to speak to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner, and then also open it up to anyone else who wanted to say anything. That way it seemed like a bigger job to give him--he was essentially "leading" the toasts section of the rehearsal dinner. 


  • In case it matters to any future reader, we ended up with:
    brother mcing and announcing us, giving brief speech, MOH and BM each giving brief toasts, then dinner. Then after dinner both fathers gave speeches, less than two minutes each. It seemed to work out ok and everyone who wanted to speak had the chance, which was nice. 
    OurWildKingdom
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